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Old 11-17-2020, 06:45 PM   #1
marryme2020
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Confused marriage

I am 65 recently widowed(NON-ADHD) I have been dating this Amazing woman for 6 months who I have falling in love with ADHD. She repeats she loves me when I say it to her. I want to marry her in the near future and don't want to lose her. Look for suggestions.
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Old 11-18-2020, 04:04 AM   #2
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What kind of suggestions? Are you having issues dealing with her?
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Old 11-18-2020, 10:50 AM   #3
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I sometimes feel maybe I not a priority in her life. I have bought her some nice things that make her happy. I truly love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She was previously married and in a abusive relationship towards her and her lovely children which I care for too. Is it often that woman with ADHD don't think about do simple thinks that would make the other person happy in the relationship. Should bring up this subject with her. I don't want to lose her.
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Old 11-18-2020, 04:44 PM   #4
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Hello marryme: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. The Relationships and Communication forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

And then here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may help to provide some insight into what you are experiencing with your ADHD love interest:

Relationships & ADHD: Obstacles and Solutions

Married To ADD: 7 Difficulties To Expect [EXPERT]

ADHD's Impact on Relationships: 10 Tips to Help

Two Rules For Being Married To An ADHDer

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 11-19-2020, 06:24 AM   #5
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How does she not think of ways to make you happy? Do you mean she doesnt buy you things to make you happy? Are you looking to get married? Personally I would advise against getting married at this stage. Financially things are separated and tied to previous decisions made before the relationship and her kids, right?
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Old 11-19-2020, 10:32 AM   #6
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Hi, I am not looking for her to buy me things to make me happy. Material things are not the most important thing to me in a loving relationship. It would just be nice that sometimes she would say I miss being with you and for her to open up to me about her feelings about me and how she feels about our relationship. Expressing unconditional love for someone can be displayed in many ways. I have met her children and she has met mine. She has been divorce for over 10 years now. Yes I would love to marry her in 1-2 years from now. Not sure what you mean by " Financially things are separated and tied to previous decisions made before the relationship and her kids, right?. She has sole custody for her three children ( ages 22,28,37) and has no communication with her ex. due the abuse. Why to you advise against married at this stage or in the near future
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Old 11-19-2020, 02:47 PM   #7
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What I meant is.... and I am assuming here... If you are both around age 65 give or take it is assumed that you both worked and put some money away? A retirement plan or 401K? Have you both had wills made so no exes get anything and it all goes to the kids? I see no point in getting married now because you have lived separate lives both physically and financially up until this point so it is not financially advantageous to get married and may even affect social security. We are not living in the old days and cohabitation happens all the time. i can understand wanting to show love and commitment by getting married but if its the real deal for the both of you then neither of you will expect the other to "prove" it with a ceremony, piece of paper. There is no way to "show or prove" love. its a feeling, demonstrated through physical contact and prioritizing the other's needs. But marriage IMO doesnt need to happen in order to show love. Unless there is a huge benefit that I am missing.
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Old 11-20-2020, 09:47 AM   #8
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So I understand your thoughts. I am retired and financial secure. I have a trust that all of my assets go to my children. She is 57 and still working as a school nurse. So should we then live together under one household and see how that works out?
Thanks for your information
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Old 11-21-2020, 05:39 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marryme2020 View Post
So I understand your thoughts. I am retired and financial secure. I have a trust that all of my assets go to my children. She is 57 and still working as a school nurse. So should we then live together under one household and see how that works out?
Thanks for your information
Yes That is my opinion. Simply because you dont have to worry now about what anyone has to say about who you love or how you love. I think its worth living in the moment and taking it day by day. I am assuming you are both committed to one another and if that is the case there is no rush to do anything other than enjoy each other.
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