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Old 10-07-2018, 09:12 AM   #1
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Default Feels like I don't belong

I was diagnosed with high functioning "mild" Aspergers at ~8 years old and both me and people around me held out hope it would go away in adulthood.

I have learned to put on a mask and act like an empathic and polite person, but when I truly question myself I always come to the same conclusion: I really don't care for or relate to other people.
Sometimes I relish in not having to care about others and sometimes I envy people who have a full range of emotions.

I am unsure where my Aspergers diagnosis ends and where my personality begins. I exhibit some symptoms not mentioned in the diagnosis.
I am constantly plagued by extreme boredom, which I can only get out of by doing something illegal, mostly petty theft or some form of vandalism.
I don't really have patience for special interests anymore even though I want to, and I have started to feel disdain for the few friends I have because I think they are too boring and not daring enough.

I have cognitive empathy and I know the difference between right and wrong but I don't really care. And that is a feeling that has become stronger the past few years.
I don't recognise the person I used to be and that is the only thing that truly makes me emotional when I think about it. I was never an empathic child but I could be compassionate and ambitious - I don't remember what any of that feels like anymore.

I have thought about going to a therapist again but I have never had good experiences with them and I feel I have never received the help that I need.
I recently heard from someone with BPD that it is very common for therapists to dismiss people with low or non existent empathy and treat them as a "lost cause". As I understand it, that is a problem for people with personality disorders and I don't know if I have a PD. But I can imagine other aspies feel they haven't received help for similar reasons.

Also I am curious if anyone here has been misdiagnosed or diagnosed with additional illnesses in young adulthood. I think I have Aspergers not only because I am diagnosed but also because I exhibited many of the traits in childhood.
But there are many things I can't realate to when it comes to Aspergers and that is starting to isolate me.
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Old 10-08-2018, 01:17 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Feels like I don't belong

Hello MalaPuella: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. There are forums, here on PC, dedicated to autism spectrum disorders as well as to the various personality disorders. Here are links to these forums:

And then here are links to 5 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of interest:

The Five Types Of Asperger's | I'm Not a Robot

Adult Asperger's: The Relief of A Diagnosis

Treatment for Asperger's Disorder

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 10-08-2018, 07:14 PM   #3
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Default Re: Feels like I don't belong

Being bored can be many things. I have met a few of the "bored type" aspies, and often they have some ASPD traits as well. Can also be lack of dopamine so the world feels flat to you. Or can be mild depression.

A good psychiatrist doesn't call anyone a lost cause. I don't have the best empathy skills but I've never thought of it being a problem, never even brought it up with doctors.
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Old 10-14-2018, 06:10 AM   #4
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Default Re: Feels like I don't belong

I often feel bored as well I'd suggest to keep looking for a therapist and see if you can find one that fits.
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