advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
lostnthought
Junior Member
lostnthought has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: US
Posts: 10
5 yr Member
Default Mar 13, 2019 at 04:10 AM
  #1
Just wanted to introduce myself, say hello.

I found something recently, quite by accident, something I’ve been looking for, for some time, to understand why I am, who I am. It was an article on Asperger’s Syndrome. I haven’t been formally diagnosed, nor do I care to be. I am who I am, I always have been, and I’m good with that.

My childhood was, simply put, terrorizing. I lived in constant fear of a world I didn’t understand, couldn’t communicate with, in emotional meltdown. The people who cared for me did the best they could. But this was the early 60’s, long before Asperger’s was widely known, and we were very poor. There was little help.

Through the years, there were a few people who pushed their way into the darkness, and held my hand, if just for a little while. One was an elementary school teacher. I was very young, years behind my class. They usually sat me in the very back of the room, where I was most comfortable, well at least, less disruptive. A good day was a day I could make it through without breaking into tears, in utter meltdown. Then one day, a young teacher pulled me aside, to a quiet corner in the back of the room. She handed me a series of books, lesson plans of sort, and quietly explained, I should read through them, and answer as many questions as I could, just start at the beginning, and take my time. I did just that, and the next book, and the next, and the next. Soon I caught up with the class, then quite suddenly, I was a year ahead. I learned, in that moment of childhood, that I was both less and more, so much more, and I could choose.

I was learning to cope, but I was still very much alone, lost inside myself. As a boy, I found peace in the solitude of the woods near our home. I would pack small bits of wire and string, neatly wound, and other such things I might need for the day, in a small box, then head off for a long hike. I had a place by the lake, where I would sit for endless hours, watching the fish gently fin the water, in their own rhythm. It was quiet, and peaceful. As I grew, I explored those woods, in broader and broader circles, to the mountains beyond. Yes, I had brothers and sisters, but I spent my childhood very much alone.

We were desperately poor, but somehow my mother managed. My Christmas gift, often, was a book or two, torn and tattered college text books. As I entered high school, I was proficient in chemistry, physics, and math, reading at a college level. Now, I suppose, a “troubled but gifted child.” I struggled to make friends; they lived in a different world. The prejudice of social class only deepened the divide.

I chose a college far from home, a prominent engineering school. I quickly fell into my own safe routine. I avoided classes, I learned nothing there. I chose instead, to read through the texts on my own, work through endless derivations on reems of crisp white paper, often under a quiet tree on a hill overlooking the quad. Friends? A few, I suppose, simple opportunistic relationships. College was a success, as I defined it. I graduated at the top of my class with a near perfect GPA.

I’m looking back now, at a long and successful career, as scientist and engineer. I struggled at times, with the internal politics of corporate life, for which I have great contempt. But excelled in developing commercial relationships; many countries, cultures, and values. It seems in these sterile relationships, blunt honesty, principle, and loyalty are very much appreciated. Simple values translate well.

I am still the me that is me, that always was. Personal relationships? The only one I’ve ever needed, the love of my life, my wife of over thirty years. She is incredibly patient and understanding. I live my life in a string of singular obsessions, blind and oblivious. Post-it notes litter my bathroom mirror, reminding me of important things I need to do today. And I still find peace lost in the mountains, sitting on a rock, quietly watching the fishes. But now with a flyrod in my hand.

I suppose it’s true, we spend our lives getting to know ourselves.
lostnthought is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, Skeezyks

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Mar 13, 2019 at 06:54 PM
  #2
Hello lostnthought: Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. I enjoyed reading it. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You didn't mention how old you are. But, from what you wrote, it sounds as though you must be not all that much younger than me. (I would have been in junior high & high school during the early 60's. And, while there are some definite differences in the paths we've taken, there are a few similarities as well.

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Men-Focused Support forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/men-focused-support/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 15, 2019 at 05:07 AM
  #3
Thank you so much for sharing the beautiful story of your life with us here on PC, lostnthought. I'm sure it will encourage and inspire many other people here on PC. It definitely did encourage me. So thank you so much for it! You're a kind soul. You're a wonderful person. Sending many hugs to you
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
lostnthought
Junior Member
lostnthought has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: US
Posts: 10
5 yr Member
Default Mar 19, 2019 at 08:39 AM
  #4
Thanks for the welcome, Skeezyks. Just finished reading American Normal, by Lawrence Osborne. From his personal interviews and profiles of people with Asperger's, it seems we each find our own path, in our own way.

MickeyCheeky, you're very kind. Thanks. Hoping this forum can help me, at least a bit, connect the dots of my life, gain some perspective. And maybe I can give something back. I've spent a lifetime learning to live with the me that is me; I'm pretty good at coping with it.
lostnthought is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
catnip123
Member
catnip123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2015
Location: Metro Atlanta Georgia
Posts: 244
8 yr Member
Default Mar 27, 2019 at 08:16 PM
  #5
Tony Atwood wrote a great book about Asperger's syndrome. It helped me to understand myself better after being diagnosed as an adult.
catnip123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,298 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 01, 2019 at 02:52 PM
  #6
Welcome to pc

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:32 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.