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Old 07-02-2019, 08:25 AM   #1
seeker33
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Default People on the spectrum and relationships?

Hey everyone,
I've got a question. I've registered on a dating site. I came across a man who seemed similar to me - introvert, loves nature. However I strongly suspect he's an Aspie. When asked about his hobbies, he keeps telling me long lists of Latin names, he said he isolates, that his empathy is limited. He still hasn't revealed his name (I did reveal mine) out of fear of being recognized and teased by his coworkers. It's been a month.
According to him, registering on the site is a last attempt to keep touch with people and not get absolutely cynical.

I find him extremely honest and a "pure soul" in a way. However, I have no idea how this could possibly evolve. He seems strangely nice but incredibly distant at the same time.

I'm highly sensitive myself.

Any ideas or advice? Right now I'm in the process of evaluating wether to keep messaging or not. What I find most problematic is his lack of empathy.
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Old 07-03-2019, 04:22 PM   #2
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Smile Re: People on the spectrum and relationships?

Well... I don't really know anything about this. But I noticed no one else had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would.

It's so difficult to really know anyone on-line. A person can seem one way & in reality be someone completely different. I suppose I watch too many "Dateline NBC" mysteries and "48 Hours" mysteries on CBS here in the states. Plus I'm a pretty reclusive person myself. So my inclination would be to suggest caution. Here are links to 3 articles, from PC's archives, on Aspie / non-Aspie relationships, though, that may be of some help:

Aspergers and Non-Aspie Relationships | Divergent Thinkers: Asperger's, NLD & More

Why Your Asperger's-NT Relationship is Failing

Helping Someone with Asperger Syndrome Bridge the Gap between Cognitive and Emotional Empathy

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Old 07-05-2019, 03:52 PM   #3
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Default Re: People on the spectrum and relationships?

I'm wife and mother of aspies. From your text I hear that he acknowledges his condition and how it may hurt people around him and it's a good sign that he is dealing with a situation. Lack of empathy does not mean that he does not care. It means that he needs translation of feelings, happenings etc. as he cannot read them from other persons. Trust your gut feeling whether you like a person as he is, are you scared of the potential problems or are there already some in the relationship you have? Would someone intravert match you as you need a lot of personal space or distancing hurts you?
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Old 07-05-2019, 10:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: People on the spectrum and relationships?

I'm an aspie and I was in a relationship for seven months. I know some aspies that are married as well. A lot of times it's not that we lack empathy it's that we don't show it appropriately. He may show more empathy over time. Also, just because he doesn't show empathy in a traditional sense doesn't mean he doesn't care. I think you should keep messaging and see what happens.
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