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wormy
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Default Sep 18, 2020 at 08:59 PM
  #1
hi i'm new to this platform, so i guess i'll introduce myself a little before i unload everything. i am 13 years old (female) and i recently discovered that i might have autism. i live with both my parents and my sister and i've just been super confused ever since i took an autism test just out of curiosity and then realized i might be on the spectrum.

so, basically the past few weeks i have been researching autism and i started to realize that i resonate with a lot of the symptoms. for example: i am very asocial and hate being around anyone outside of my small friend group of 2-3 people. whenever i am in public i try to avoid confrontation with strangers at all costs, which is annoying when it comes to making orders, phone calls, asking for help, etc. i frequently feel the need to stim, fidget, or release an outburst of energy (i.e. foot stomping, arm flapping, knuckle cracking, yelling, etc.) and whenever i try to suppress this urge it only gets worse. i have an incredible imagination and often find myself daydreaming or acting out scenarios. whenever a delivery person or unknown vehicle comes to my house i run and hide wherever i can to avoid being seen or noticed by the person ( i don't know if this is technically a symptom, but i have no idea why i do this. it could just be anxiety but i felt like i should include it anyway). i am very sensitive to loud sounds, and can get very easily distracted when there is even the smallest background noise. i have relatively-restricted interests (reptiles, classic lit.) and don't like talking or learning about much else. i also have phases in which i become extremely engrossed in a particular topic and want to learn everything i possibly can about it. i get really anxious in new situations especially with new people, and this can lead to me distancing myself from people if possible (sometimes when my sister has friends over or we host a house party, i will hide in my room or the basement to avoid all the people and loud noises). when i'm talking and someone interrupts me, i get extremely frustrated. and i constantly feel like i am different in some way, like no one else thinks or imagines things the way i do. (there are many more things i could add to this list but this post is already long enough)
however, even with all of these symptoms i can't seem to stop doubting myself about the possibility that i have autism. one of the reasons that i'm not sure is because i feel like the symptoms weren't prevalent in early childhood. in fact, it seems like just a few years ago i was this spontaneous social butterfly who had no problem with any of the previously mentioned indications of autism. i mean, yes, i was always kind of anxious around new people and yes, i often felt like i was masking my true identity in front of others (something i still do), but i feel like my "autism" has never really been noticeable until now. aren't most kids with asd diagnosed earlier in life? my mind has been toiling away trying to prove to myself that i do, or do not have autism, and even if i eventually let myself believe that i do, what am i going to tell my parents? "hey mom, dad, i think i have autism." im sure they would just come up with some way or another to dismiss me and invalidate the countless hours i've spent thinking through this. my parents are understanding for the most part, but how do you tell someone the child that they raised and think they know through and through has a developmental disorder that they somehow missed in the early stages of her life? and how do i know i'm not just subconsciously faking all of these symptoms? it's just—everything is so confusing and overwhelming. i wish i could go back to before i realized i might have autism.

am i autistic or just really introverted?

p.s. i have done countless (probably at least 25?) autism and asberger's online evaluations and every single one has come out with the same result: high indication of autism or an asd.

i scored a 39 on the autism quotient test
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Smile Sep 19, 2020 at 12:43 PM
  #2
Hello wormy: Thank you for sharing your concern with us here on PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

We here on PC are not able to offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't really comment with regard to whether you may or may not be on the autism spectrum. That is something a mental health professional must determine.

You mentioned you're 13. So I presume you're in school. If seeing a psychologist or a mental health therapist directly isn't a possibility for you, perhaps there are student counseling services available through your school you could start with? Talking with a mental health professional regarding what you're experiencing is the best way to figure out what's going on. Otherwise anything you get is simply someone else's opinion which may or may not be accurate & could well be just plain wrong. Still...there is a lot of support that is available here on PC. So I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Default Sep 19, 2020 at 01:35 PM
  #3
Welcome to the forum, Wormy!
In your case, if possible I would also go to a professional and ask for an assessment - I’d also add, from personal experience, if you can - also ask them why they came to their conclusion.
I was diagnosed with high functioning autism at 17 years old, but it was kept from me (by my mum, due to other ‘Big’ stuff going on at the time) for 10 years. When I found out, it did feel like a relief to me (I was bullied at school and made to feel different. I knew I was, but couldn’t understand why I was never accepted regardless), but I have always questioned it to a degree. Some things make sense, others don’t.
But, like you, I still almost always get high scores on the autism spectrum indicator tests. I just wish I could have actually discussed it with the psychologist I got taken to see, so I could be more informed.
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