Avoidant check in/mood for today

In my opinion, DBT does not work for avoidants. Perfect for borderlines, but when you get to the homework that says, call a friend and ask them to go to a movie... Yeah, right. Does not apply.

I tried DBT. (Hey, works for one PD, must work for all of them, right?) and mine was suddenly cut short too, due to funding. They couldn't keep enough people in the group session to make it profitable. It was fine by me, believe me.

I think there are good therapies and good therapists, and then there are not so good ones. You have to be willing to go through a few, not just take the first one that is offered, to make sure you have a good match. It can be done, and even if it doesn't work perfectly, it's good to try.

My T gave up on DBT with me - it just wasn't a mesh for me. Replacing my negative core beliefs with other statements has no effect - I've been doing that for years and years!

I think a lot of therapist throw up their hands when it comes to treating avoidants. They try any silly thing they can. I had one suggest using some kind of heated rocks placed on my chakras during therapy, you name it.

The one that seems to be working is someone who specializes in children with attachment issues, and who also has worked with PD's. I frustrate her though. She has been phasing me out, dropping my schedule from twice a week to biweekly, and now has suggested email only therapy. I can see why - it's hard to work with someone who basically can't make real progress, who is trying to learn to live with what she wants me to forget about.

Just trying to get through yet another day. I always try so hard to avoid people in person. That's why this airbnb I'm staying at is my favorite so far. It's 100% isolated from the house. My own bathroom, shower, microwave, mini fridge. But no washer dryer, stove. The shower is smaller than a camper shower but I got used to it. I just love it here but I have to move on to the next place very soon.

In the mean time, I have an infinite family of nature people. I know it's strange/different, but I talk to everything, not just plants. I'm wearing my favorite sweater right now. We've been together for a very long time and she loves to be with me. My two blankets and I just love to snuggle together in bed and have good naps. I call them angels because when I spread them over the bed they look like wings. They like it when I say lets spread your wingyies out. Anyway I don't know if elementals have consciousness. It's a real belief that everything has consciousness and that's all there really is, consciousness. But it sure helps to get through the days talking to someone and kinda feeling like you're not alone.

I'm in a new airbnb that's in the hills and a bit of ranch type of area. It's cold and they don't turn the heat on. I asked for a space heater but they didn't seem to have one. Oh well. My last airbnb was a studio, so I didn't have to interact with people. This place has two guys living here. They said they speak Russian / Ukrainian. It's stressful living with people you don't know, especially in a strangers house. I hope one day to make money so I can buy own house, even if it's an ultra cheap one that's nearly falling down, far out in the forest. As far away from humans as possible.

It's very cold here at the airbnb and it's not even February the month it gets coldest. I'll just have to buy a space heater and add it to my overwhelming debt.

The people here seem friendly but I can't ever trust a human. I spend my days talking to my plants and elemental nature friends. I love talking to my blankets, pillows, sweater & jacket, etc. They're always nice.

I accidentally broke the shower head today at the airbnb. I barely pulled on it and it just broke. I sent the home owner a text message. It's very stressful.

I hate this never ending feeling that my life is hanging on by a thread. I have no money, just a little credit card left to get by. If one bad thing happens I'm a gonner!! Last week my car didn't start and I had already accepted my fate to the forest to fade away but my car insurance sent out someone and it only needed a jump start.

Today I broke the shower head and was expecting the airbnb home owner to kick me out. I'm so over all of this. This never ending terrifying fear and anxiety that soon I'll be homeless walking aimlessly in the forest. And there's no way I'm going to kill an animal to survive.

The clock's just ticking and I'm can't stand waiting for my fate to happen. Please whatever you are, the creator or whatever, could you please just get it over with?! I can't stand it anymore

I have to do laundry today but the son of the home owner here at the airbnb is wondering all around in the house. It makes me very nervous. Last night dreams were just too much! Everything's too much. Feel tortured.

Anyone gonna spend christmas alone? I love being alone but yet I hate it. It's so weird lol. But I'll spend christmas and new years and my birthday alone. And 4th july and just about everything else. But yet when I go to the bank or store where I'm forced to encounter people I talk their head off. It's all so strange.

Sure most people will see this as psychosis but I'm certain most people are NPCs. You don't fool me, creator.