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Unhappy Jan 31, 2015 at 06:00 PM
  #1
This is the thing that worries me... I am trying to do what people my age did 10 years ago. I feel ashamed of what I learned lately. I feel so left behind. I feel there is a really long road to take. I feel that I looked foolish while naively attempting to change something.

Today I came back from my T session and felt great and optimistic. A few hours later I was reminded how far behind I am and It's really intimidating.

There are two worries... the opposite sex and having a really small circle of friends.

While other people are going to larger birthday parties. I only go to a large one that my friend makes and the one that my cousin makes (when I say large I mean 10-15 people). Almost nobody except my family comes to my birthday. Most of my friends are in college or are working in the city and they don't come home often.

I hope this feeling will pass by when I wake up tomorrow.
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Default Jan 31, 2015 at 07:02 PM
  #2
Hola again, Orvel,
I can hear what you say. I sometimes have the same feeling.
But, think a thing. You are now learning yourself better through therapy and you are now having the determination to explore the outside world.
So, you are going to enjoy all this process much moré bc you were waiting for these things and craving for them.
You can't change the fact that perhaps, you weren't ready to get these things normal people get so easily. Now, you can get them.

I know how you feel. I feel a naive when I'm an old person.
Why not thinking that being a naive can also imply that you are moré genuine and therefore moré special.

You have time to meet people. You sound for you posts that you are open up people. You will get it.
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Default Jan 31, 2015 at 07:15 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
Hola again, Orvel,
I can hear what you say. I sometimes have the same feeling.
But, think a thing. You are now learning yourself better through therapy and you are now having the determination to explore the outside world.
So, you are going to enjoy all this process much moré bc you were waiting for these things and craving for them.
You can't change the fact that perhaps, you weren't ready to get these things normal people get so easily. Now, you can get them.

I know how you feel. I feel a naive when I'm an old person.
Why not thinking that being a naive can also imply that you are moré genuine and therefore moré special.

You have time to meet people. You sound for you posts that you are open up people. You will get it.
Thanks for reminding me to not think about what was, but when people talk about where they are going after, where they were and what they heard (from friends)... it's really difficult to stay positive. Now I remembered that my T said that my energy should be used differently that it is now... there's no point in thinking about the past or thinking how the general picture looks like. She told me she will teach me to catch these thoughts and direct them elsewhere.

You said you are 42... are you going to therapy ?
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Default Jan 31, 2015 at 07:32 PM
  #4
I know what you mean: people talking about things they have in common bc they know very well each other, people talking about the interesting people they knew last weekend...i know it very well.
That's why I see AvPD how feeling an outsider.
Said that, there are other good qualities a person has and you can enjoy them and offer them to people you know.
The first step is acceptance. You reached a point that you were able with the resourses you had, now a new life is waiting for you.

I'm not going to therapy now. Terapists considered me a basket case. Lol!
I'm kidding. I was treated by some therapists and to be honest I'm very gratefull to all of them. They worked with me what I needed in each moment.
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Default Feb 01, 2015 at 01:16 PM
  #5
I feel this way nearly every day.

I have such a long road ahead of me. It seems so daunting.

I'm considering going to university as a mature student. I'm 31. Most people go 10 years earlier. I was off the grid for a long period of my life and have been trying for over a year to get back to where I was years earlier.

Even work wise, I'm so far behind everyone when it comes to experience.

It's hard to be around family members when they're discussing certain things, because the things they complain about are the things I long to have. They don't know how lucky they are.

I have a woman in my life whom I love very much. But even that is complicated.

I have no real advice, other than just know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who feels you are lagging behind.
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Default Feb 01, 2015 at 01:57 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Neurotic 2 the bone View Post
I feel this way nearly every day.

I have such a long road ahead of me. It seems so daunting.

I'm considering going to university as a mature student. I'm 31. Most people go 10 years earlier. I was off the grid for a long period of my life and have been trying for over a year to get back to where I was years earlier.

Even work wise, I'm so far behind everyone when it comes to experience.

It's hard to be around family members when they're discussing certain things, because the things they complain about are the things I long to have. They don't know how lucky they are.

I have a woman in my life whom I love very much. But even that is complicated.

I have no real advice, other than just know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who feels you are lagging behind.
But, tell me if I'm wrong. You have also good qualities, good things to offer people and yourself.
Do you consider yourself a loser because there are things you wanted to reach and you didn't? Listen, you aren't. You can go to the University or you can study from home. You have time to get all these things. And if you never get them, you will get others and you will go on being a whole person.
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Default Feb 01, 2015 at 02:01 PM
  #7
Do you actually like large parties?

What worries you about the opposite sex?

Declaration of interest: I don't like parties and being older means I don't have to go. The opposite sex are a puzzlement, tho' an enjoyable one, but being older, married and being more or less hideous I don't have to worry over much.
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Default Feb 01, 2015 at 03:02 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow View Post
Do you actually like large parties?

What worries you about the opposite sex?

Declaration of interest: I don't like parties and being older means I don't have to go. The opposite sex are a puzzlement, tho' an enjoyable one, but being older, married and being more or less hideous I don't have to worry over much.
Good questions that I didn't even ask myself.

I was always afraid of these social gatherings. Now I am weirded out by the fact that not going to parties worries me. My guess is that I have the need to "come out of my shell" and while doing that I want to have something interesting to "show" to people. Until now, I used to talk little, and now that I want to talk more I want some material. It's as if not knowing people is my insecurity. When I hear that someone went somewhere and I didn't do anything that night, I automatically feel insecure.

My main worries about the opposite sex is basically inexperience.

Sometimes I feel that people pitty me because of this.

Thanks for asking these questions... now I have something to think about .
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Default Feb 02, 2015 at 02:48 AM
  #9
Me too Orvel.
I often worry about lagging behind. I'm waaay inexperienced when it comes to the opposite sex. When I visit my parents in my hometown I worry about seeing kids I went to school with because I've not done anything with my life. Other people my age are married and have kids or they have interesting careers. I just... think a lot.
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Default Feb 02, 2015 at 08:51 AM
  #10
Just in case it can be useful to see things from this perspective: nowadays, the cool thing is to be single. At least, in other people's minds, you guys, are the lucky ones or the smartest ones.
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Default Feb 12, 2015 at 11:25 AM
  #11
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Originally Posted by Neurotic 2 the bone View Post
I feel this way nearly every day.

I have such a long road ahead of me. It seems so daunting.

I'm considering going to university as a mature student. I'm 31. Most people go 10 years earlier. I was off the grid for a long period of my life and have been trying for over a year to get back to where I was years earlier.

Even work wise, I'm so far behind everyone when it comes to experience.

It's hard to be around family members when they're discussing certain things, because the things they complain about are the things I long to have. They don't know how lucky they are.

I have a woman in my life whom I love very much. But even that is complicated.

I have no real advice, other than just know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who feels you are lagging behind.

Well, most is not all. Lots of people either go back to school or go for the first time at a later age. There are advantages to going later in life (as opposed to going fresh out of high school at 17): you probably have a better sense of what you want to do and therefore you might commit more to the work rather than seeing university as one big party. You might appreciate it more given your struggles and how hard you've had to work to get there. I think you'd also take it more seriously. Not that all people who go right out of high school don't take it seriously, but yea. Also, 31 is NOT old! I know it feels like you have missed out on a lot in life, but I think we need to break down the 'life starts to go downhill after 30' fear. I don't know where that comes from, but so many people have 30 as their measuring stick for whether or not their ***** is in order or not. If you compare yourself to the circumstances you have faced as opposed to the generalization, it might help you be more gentle with yourself. One of the biggest and most important things I think we should stop doing is comparing ourselves to others. Not easy to do, but sometimes those measuring sticks are biased and then they just turn into a weapon to beat yourself up with. I think it's great that you're going for it. There is plenty of time to gain experience. You are ahead of those who opt out of life. It is hard work, but you are already gaining that experience and taking a hard look at what you want to be part of your life. Good for you!!!
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Default Feb 14, 2015 at 06:34 PM
  #12
It's hard not comparing yourself to others, even if it is the "right" way to go.
I'm also 30 years old and had my "oh my god my time is running out" break down.
I've stopped working (as little as i did), started college at 19 and stopped, and I'm feeling way behind...
Most of the people I know either lead "normal lives" or at least somehow manage.
When I find myself avoiding again my whole self esteem is in shambles and I feel like I'm a failure.
Hopefuly it's just another phase , but who knows.
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Default Apr 14, 2015 at 01:45 PM
  #13
Sorry to bump an older topic but I didn't want to create a new one, I remembered there was one about it already.

I'm really struggling with this right now. I feel like I've messed up so much in my life already. Maybe if I were stronger I could still work my butt off and turn things around, but I'm weak. And I'm currently going through another depressed phase; it's taking all my effort to keep functioning and not hide under the covers and cry all day.
I need a job, soon, but it's so hard to find something. I studied something quite specific where there is very little in terms of full-time jobs, more freelance stuff and I'm not cut out for that. I'm trying to change direction but everywhere I run into the "I don't have the experience" Maybe if I could act super confident and just bluff my way through an interview, I'd have a chance. I've already wasted so much time with not having a job - took me two years to find something after uni because I was too scared of rejection to even apply anywhere. I never had a job in high school or uni. And now I'm wasting time being depressed again instead of moving forward.

Then there's the not making any friends when I had the chance. It gets harder the older you get. People already have their lives and their friends. I ruined two important friendships and now I'm left with no one.

I've missed so much in life already and I want to catch up, but I feel like not trying harder the past is biting me in the *** now.
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Default Apr 15, 2015 at 06:23 AM
  #14
Is this the first time you have put yourself out there for professional employment? ... if it is I would say you haven't lost time but gained it.

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Diagnosed: AvPD.

It’s never alright. It comes and it goes.
It’s always around, even when it don’t show.
They say it gets better. well I guess that it might.
But even when it’s better, it’s never alright.
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