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Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 126
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Mar 27, 2015 at 09:53 AM
#1
"Should" should be banned. I know how ironic that statement is.
 Anytime anyone tells you that you "should" do something they are trying to control you. They are judging you for living your life "incorrectly". They are scolding you into behaving the way they want you to. It's terribly confrontational, and it never leads to it's intended effect; it only gets people's hackles up and alienates them. It's an awful word. I wish sites like these had the guts to add it to their banned word list, like profanities, it's that damaging. Especially when talking to people with Avoidant Personality Disorder and other conditions that stem from emotional child abuse. I try very hard not to say the word, and when it does slip out, as soon as I realize it, I apologize. There are people on the forum who will verify that. I think if everyone pledged not to use the word, pledged not to try to shame people into compliance, it would make the world a much better place all around. |
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Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
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Mar 30, 2015 at 03:43 PM
#2
I've pledged to myself years ago, to mind my use of the word 'should'. It does come accross in the described ways mentioned in your post.
I did use it recently, in this context... My kids test scores should be available by June. I mentally noted use of should, since I've gone to great lengths to mind its use and found a sentence where it was actually appropriate. Good post topic Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
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Mar 30, 2015 at 03:44 PM
#3
I think that it really depends on context. Is "suggest" a better word then?
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Account Suspended
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 126
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Mar 30, 2015 at 04:10 PM
#4
Quote:
Or, "This information might be helpful" Or, "I wish you would" (the intent is transparent!) Or, "In that situation I would have done" Or, almost anything else! Though the example above, when the person speaking is unsure about the future but is giving their best prediction, that I'm cool with. It's when someone tries to tell you what to do - "You should do this" - that drives me nuts. I feel scolded and shamed by the person who said it to me. It's disrespectful and dismissive. There's no debate - I am wrong, they are right, and now I have no choice but to change my life and bend myself to their will. That's not good at all. I'm not sure that's what the intent always is, when someone says that word - the evil "S" word. But that's what the effect is. It's ordering someone around, plain and simple, and I don't see the point in sugar coating it. It's impolite and triggering. So I try not to say it. I'd rather come up with an awkward and long-winded statement than make whoever I'm speaking to feel diminished, purposefully or inadvertently. |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
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Apr 01, 2015 at 06:15 PM
#5
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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