interventions

Do you think interventions ever work?

If someone is begging for help, claiming to be completely confused and directionless, and you lay the cards out on the table for them and then show them an open path, will they be able to hear you? Is there any point in even trying?

Is there any point in trying to help anyone?

I must admit, I'm bad at interventions. I couldn't care less about what anyone says about me - there's nothing anyone could say that I haven't already thought about myself - but I have an Achilles heel, which is, attacking decent people who aren't there to speak for themselves. I will always speak up on their behalf, which always throws the intervention off track.

However, I still try. It doesn't matter how two-faced someone is, how well they claim to be getting by ignoring the path of destruction they leave in their wake, I think everyone deserves to have someone reach out and try to stop their self-destruction.

The problem is, being attacked for trying to help, which is a given if you try an intervention, absolutely solidifies avoidant beliefs. You will be rejected if you reach out to try to help anyone.

I think it's one of the hardest things to negotiate, the impulse to help, when you are avoidant. Do you call out to someone who's about to go over a cliff, or do you let them fall? Are you strong enough to withstand them screaming at you that they would have noticed it without your help? Can you take the criticism you will receive if someone asks you for help and you, God forbid, tell them the truth?

It's a delicate balance. Who's more important, you - in which case you would opt for self-preservation and you would say nothing - or the other person. In my case, I'm lower than everyone, so I don't feel I have a choice. I must try to help. Even when I know it will blow up in my face. Even when I know what I will go through in the process. Even when it's pointless, because it doesn't matter if someone is falling apart, they won't want to change until they hit rock bottom, so trying to stop it is a waste of energy.

In my opinion. You could offer help is someone ask for it.
Do you think people in that boards haven't already think about all the flaws they have, as you said. Do you think they haven't already an enough low self-steem for needing someone else recall them.

What do you think is better: help a person to recognising his/her values that (s)he finds difficult to see or keeping on pointing them out the flaws they are trying to overcome?

You only can give them opinions and for giving someone your opinion, you need to be open as well, to listen to them.

This is my honest opinion.

I forgot it.

Is it possible that if you want to put someone a mirrow in his/her face, you fail and what happen is the hurt done is bigger than the "help"?

Don't know if your questions is only for avoidants or is a question for the one you consider avoidants. This is the doubt I have now.

I guess it's not my opinion the one you want to have. I'm also very interested in knowing other people's opinion. That's the truth.

It's an interesting question: how do you want to be help? Sorry is I'm misleading your thread, but if you don't mind I could add it to the discussion.

I want to listen to criticisms by my own mind, by my loved people, by my therapist...here, I only need support.

This is from the book Stuck and it neatly sums up my question:

"Self-awareness, forced upon us American Idol-style, is a magnificent if unwelcome gift...Like all reality checks it is ultimately kind...But you might call me mean, and who wants to be called mean?"