Bad times

Living in a very tough moment. Waiting for a new appointment with my psychiatrist next week and a new therapist next month, reading lots of self-help books and whatever can help me to overcome my now situation.

I'm thinking about how easy is to offer help when you feel good. When someone come here telling about his/her struggles and you feel some kind of balance in your life, you give suggestions, you offer the best you can about how to overcome a bad moment or how to improve his/her life. You do believe what you say, you do know that any tip (reading an specific self-help book, filling life with significant activities, healthy habits...) can help the person.
But, when you are feeling hopeless, all these messages, all these tips lack of sense for you and sound as a foreign language.

I'm not trying to mean the help you can get from someone is meaningless or unhelpfull, in fact I think it's very necessary for the one who offers and the one who receives it. I only wanted to give the view of the person who is in a desperate situation. How hard is for him/her to find any relief when (s)he is in a stuck moment.

Depression does have a way of tricking the mind. Unless a person is a motivational speaker, I, personally, tend to recognize there may be more compassion than first impression...

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It's a vicious circle. You know you have to get active to get passed this, but all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. And then you get angry at yourself for not doing what you know you should be doing, and you want to cry even more....

Giving advice that you're not following yourself will make you feel a hypocrite. And how can you try to stay positive for someone else when you don't believe you yourself will ever get over this?

Yeah, I know exactly what I have to do but I lack of determination and the strenght to do anything. My mind is so stuck and full of doubts at this moment.
What is the sense of all this? it's the way your mind has to tell you that you have to solve things out. But what happens? So many years of therapy and I haven't still learnt to solve things out in the proper moment? I have to go on with this bad habit of putting things in my suckbag until I can't carry them any longer.

*cough* your suckbag??

My god, what I have said...damn unknowledge of the English language.
Someone told it to me that I'm an asshole in the English Language.

Rucksack.

You two made me smile.

Break is very funny, Green. It's a pity that her disorder stop her exploiting all her values.

Maybe that just makes her and the people close to her who she chooses to show herself to more special.

I'm loosing my partner. He was very supportive with me in the past but we have been living a long time without communication. It's like he is in a pole and I am in the oppossite.
I need communication. It's the only way to understand the other person point of view.

Much more better today. My partner and me talked in a real communication and I have hope and think I´m recovering my faith in people.

That's good to hear, happy for you!

Hi, I've been meaning to comment on your post a little bit but have been dealing with my own issues. I am an unofficial AvPD, my dr is treating me for it but won't label me. I'm going to tell you a story of what's going on with me and maybe you can find insight and learn. So I've never had family, not really. I was taken from my mother at 2-3, lived in foster care for less than a year, moved with my aunt and uncle by 4. My Aunt is biological my uncle is not. My Aunt was a very emotionally distant person the person I grew attached to, she never treated me like a mother/son type but she did give me just about anything I asked for. My uncle was a very difficult man, he was verbally and mentally abusive. I could never eat food I always had to beg or sneak it. I was very restricted in what I could and could not do. He would hit me with belts, threaten me, and force me to do manual labor. I felt like he never really wanted me there. I used to describe myself as sheltered but recently learned that's not the correct word. To be sheltered is to have people overly protective of you. What I was is far worse, I was a lock away. We all seen Harry Potter (don't say you haven't) well I basically was that living in a small space all the way through my life. It wasn't until I went to college that I was not ready to be out in the world by myself, I had no tools to build relationships. My coping was isolation. So I did that for a year and when I couldn't get funding due to my drug abuse and my Aunt/Uncle would no longer support me I had to return to their house. I had a taste of freedom and I was not ready to revert back to that old life style. Within a few years I met a girl that I would learn was NOT a good person to be involved with. She was an un-medicated bipolar person, don't know the type but it was bad. She got me heavy into drugs, it was an abusive relationship on my part (I was the abused). She would hit me from time to time, cheat on me, and always told me I was a bad person. This went on for about 3 or so years until she finally broke it off. Within about four months I met another girl. She was one of the best things that ever happened to me. She showed me what it was like to be in a healthy relationship, what family means, and how to be comfortable with being me. 9 years later (last 3 of which was marriage) we ended things (actually just last Thursday). I had been going to my doc for about two months for anxiety/depression related to work/home/me. I had really wanted to start with my home life but the dr started from another direction. Anyways I mentioned to him about the AvPD and told him that sounded like me and he's been treating me from that angle. Now if you have AvPD there's a high chance your already depressed well throw on the gasoline because I hit very near rock bottom. I have no friends, no family, my work life is shaky at best. I can tell you that it hasn't been even a week yet but I am feeling really good about myself right now.
TIP:
I've been doing everything that an AvPD person would hate to do, being non avoidant, that's it. I've been going to group meetups (actually I've only been to 1 so far) and just telling my story. I reached out to friends and family that I thought wouldn't understand and guess what, they embraced me (shocking to me). I'm starting to learn tools to manage the anxiety and depression. If your anything like me you probably fell into what I would call auto pilot mode, where we are always doing the same thing with the same people or alone. I wasn't happy with myself and I'm sad to say it took a divorce to kick start what I wanted in my life. Being me I have no real interests or hobbies, heck, I don't even know myself. Well anyways I was talking about the meetups and even though I just started I am actually having fun, I'm making slow steps to become that person I truly want to be. For example, this weekend I'm going to do Yoga (say wha!) and they are doing beer sampling during it. I looked for things that would 1) help me deal with anxiety/depression/divorce and then 2) looked for things that looked like fun and lastly 3) Looked for a way to bond people.
In a short summary, AvPD are their own worst enemy. Get to know your enemy as you really have a lot to learn from each other.
I really hope this has helped even one person, if there is hope for me then there is hope for all of us. Just need the right inspiration. SORRY for the long winded story!!!!

Thank you very much for sharing your story and congratulations for your improvement. You are very brave for giving these steps forward. Don't forget it ever.

My psichiatrist also is very reluctant to give me a diagnosis. Last time, he wrote on the psychotherapy prescription: personality disorder ( Emotional disorder), this is the way Borderline PD is called here in Europe. But, he is very reluctant to openly talk about it.
The thing is that I have a tendency to avoid everything but mainly when I'm depressive, what happens very frequent.

Hey, I like your possitiviness. I used to be like that. I hope coming back to see things in this way. I feel better each day and I think I'm gonna get it.

Guys, I'm feeling better from my depression. Self-steem is the key. I have to work on it to be able to develop healthy relations with people.
I worked on this before. My last therapist put the emphasis on the image you show others bc it's part of self-steem, social self-steem, he said. But, I now know that I have to go beyond this. I need to believe in myself and don't be afraid. I have to be myself over everything. And I have to understand that other people have the right to like me or don't. But, it shouldn't mean I'm an unworthy person. Not al least, for me.