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Old 03-19-2017, 05:12 AM   #1
BreakForTheLight
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Default It's all going too well

My work situation.

I'm always the outsider. The quiet one that doesn't fit in. It's been that way for all my life. It's all I know.

But now... Things are good. I've got three awesome coworkers that I get along with very well. We talk, we joke, we laugh, we spent our lunch breaks together. One of them is an extreme extrovert - she talks to everyone about everything. Sometimes that annoys me a little, but ever since she started working at our office, I've also had more contact with other coworkers. I'm almost starting to feel like a normal person. (Except for the fact that I have no social life whatsoever outside of work, of course.)

And it scares the hell out of me, because I know it won't last And it's going to be a terrible crash when it all falls apart. Because it always does. Either they will find out I am really boring and not worth their time, or they'll just leave. Or the new girl starting next month will be a complete ***** who ruins everything.

I've been feeling anxious a lot lately and I couldn't figure out why. My job is not exactly stressful and I actually enjoy going to the office these days. But maybe this is why. Knowing it will end soon.

(A few years ago I moved to a new city, started a new job in a fun team. I felt accepted, like I fit in. For a few weeks. Then new people came, everything changed and it got so bad that I eventually became depressed again. I'm still struggling to get over that - I can't handle another crash.)
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Old 03-21-2017, 07:30 PM   #2
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Here's hoping things turn out better than you anticipate, BreakForTheLight.
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Old 03-24-2017, 12:42 PM   #3
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Default Re: It's all going too well

I think this is a good example of how important it is to recognize the disorder, deal with reality and face life as good as you can do. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the fun with your co-workers while it lasts. Because at the end of the day the disorder is there to stay and ****s up most of our lives in one way or another. My "life situation" can change rapidly from week to week based on who I am around and how we get along, its just the way it is and I have come to accept that at the age of 34. I dont have any longterm friendships, no girlfriends, byt hey, I know a lot of people on this planet who has a much worse life than I have. So try to enjoy these moments as much as you can!
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Old 04-15-2017, 12:05 PM   #4
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Default Re: It's all going too well

It just feels like it isn't real. This chatty, happy, funny person isn't me. It's like I'm putting on an act without even realizing I'm doing it. I'm the weird, quiet girl that nobody likes.

As soon as I come home in the evening, especially when it's the weekend, the loneliness and sadness come rushing right back.
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Old 04-16-2017, 12:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: It's all going too well

Quote:
Originally Posted by BreakForTheLight View Post
It just feels like it isn't real. This chatty, happy, funny person isn't me. It's like I'm putting on an act without even realizing I'm doing it. I'm the weird, quiet girl that nobody likes.

As soon as I come home in the evening, especially when it's the weekend, the loneliness and sadness come rushing right back.
You are not alone sweety, think about the rest of us having similar lives. Together we are strong! I know exactly the feeling you are talking about, but stay positive, remember the good times you have had, and also remember the rest of us in here
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Old 04-16-2017, 09:09 PM   #6
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Default Re: It's all going too well

Shame. I've started to respond to this about 16 times and keep erasing it.

You might have shifted. You might have found the middle of your okay zone and have stopped smashing into boundary walls. That tends to happen as people get older. This might be your new normal, you're just not used to it yet. The worst thing about it is the bad times seem more bad because now you have something else to compare them to.

I'd say if you want to work on something it would be to stop overthinking, ruminating, and projecting the future so much. (If you do know the future for sure, please send me next week's lottery numbers.) Cutting back on the ruminating just a little bit could still be a big relief to you. Learning mindfulness, not the hippy dippy stuff, the 'keep your thoughts in the here and now' techniques, might help you to do that.

I'm thinking that every thought I have is wrong, every opinion is wrong, how I feel about everything is wrong, etc etc, even if it's as obvious as the nose on my face. Hence the 16 deletes. If I'm not saying what you want to hear, go ahead and ignore me.

Btw, if I had a dollar for every time I heard "You're really funny, you know that?" from some gobsmacked coworker who finally squeezed more than two words out of me, I'd be going to M'era Luna.
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Old 01-23-2018, 04:45 PM   #7
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Default Re: It's all going too well

Here we go. I'm falling apart. It's lasted longer than I thought it would. It's been nice to feel almost "normal" the past year. Things kept slowly getting even better after this post.

But the doubts started setting in a few days ago. Caused by a few innocent comments from people around me, probably paired with PMS. The hormones really mess me up emotionally. But that's over now and I should be back to feeling myself. But there is only an overwhelming feeling that I'm not good enough, never will be good enough. And it hurts
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Old 01-24-2018, 04:27 PM   #8
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Default Re: It's all going too well

Quote:
Originally Posted by BreakForTheLight View Post
Here we go. I'm falling apart. It's lasted longer than I thought it would. It's been nice to feel almost "normal" the past year. Things kept slowly getting even better after this post.

But the doubts started setting in a few days ago. Caused by a few innocent comments from people around me, probably paired with PMS. The hormones really mess me up emotionally. But that's over now and I should be back to feeling myself. But there is only an overwhelming feeling that I'm not good enough, never will be good enough. And it hurts


I am sorry to hear you haven't been feeling good lately, specialy after a good year. Hopping it's temporary and soon things improve for you.

Your improvement gives me some hope!
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Old 01-25-2018, 02:01 AM   #9
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Default Re: It's all going too well

Quote:
Originally Posted by BreakForTheLight View Post
Here we go. I'm falling apart. It's lasted longer than I thought it would. It's been nice to feel almost "normal" the past year. Things kept slowly getting even better after this post.

But the doubts started setting in a few days ago. Caused by a few innocent comments from people around me, probably paired with PMS. The hormones really mess me up emotionally. But that's over now and I should be back to feeling myself. But there is only an overwhelming feeling that I'm not good enough, never will be good enough. And it hurts
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Remember that it's very common to have setbacks on the road to improvement. Your recent doubts don't take away from what you've accomplished the past year.
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Old 01-25-2018, 09:50 PM   #10
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Default Re: It's all going too well

Have you considered SAD?
Timing seems right
There are therapies that help - vitamin D and light boxes
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