Does your avoidance also affect your thoughts/fantasies?

I was dx'd w/a Personality Disorder NOS w/avoidant features. Even so, I want close relationships and am not happy being alone. I can easily see how my avoidance affects the things I do (or don't do) but, recently, my T asked me what thoughts or fantasies do I have? That drew me up short! At the time, I couldn't think of any fantasies I had about anything. The next day, I sat down on my couch, turned on the radio to a favorite station and tried to fantasize about different things, like seeing my nieces and nephew and what we might do together, getting a dog and how happy that would make me, feelings that I have about my T, etc. After an hour of listening to music that stirred feelings in me, I was somewhat successful in bringing up fantasies in my head.

So, my question is this: Do those of you who are dx'd as avoidant or feel you're avoidant, are you able to fantasize? If you don't fantasize or daydream, do you think this is because of your avoidance? When I first began therapy, T asked me why I didn't have dreams or goals of what I wanted to do as an adult. I told T, "No past, no future." (I was adopted w/no knowledge of who my parents were) Now, we're working on my loneliness and T asked, "Why do you think you're feeling so lonely now but haven't for most of your life?" So, I'M beginning to change, but I struggle to change my life...the ever-present issue for avoidants who desire a less singular life, it seems.

Any and all responses and insights would be greatly appreciated!

I actually daydream ALL the time. Have done for as long as I can remember.... Even as a kid I was always thinking up stories in my head.

In fact I wonder what people who don't do that think about when they're not focused on any task??

I would never share the content of my daydreams with a therapist though.

You asked a good question, BFTL...I wonder what I do think about when I'm not focused on a task. Seems a good thing to try to unravel. I dissociate at times, especially when I'm driving somewhere or not wanting to hear what my T has to say. Thanks for your insight; I'm glad you have a rich fantasy life!!

I am avoidant. I daydream a lot. Most of my life is lived in my head. I have never done well socially. I am not good looking and have been the victim of socially ostracized for a long as I can remember. I rarely smile. There is nothing to smile about. Extensive therapy has not helped at all.

In the last several I developed severe C-PTSD. It just grows worse and worse. I have never really been able to get people to like me -- even my parents were not fond of me though I tried and tried for approval. Some people have been very cruel to me and it keeps happening over and over. My only comfort is when I retreat to my own thoughts and inner world. But, even then, when the C-PTSD affects me, there is no peace either. I now totally isolate from all but family. I don't even try to socialize and no longer volunteer either having had bad experiences. I don't know what to do about it. Therapy has been a disaster with even some T's tormenting me. Often, I feel that I am avoidant because I have to be.

I am avoidant and I day dream as well. I have for a long time. I find my day dreams better than reality and I can replay them over and over again. My fantasies are controllable by me so I can have the degree of control. In real life that goes out the window. I also feel I am avoidant because I have to be. There are things about me... that just puts negative energy my way. I don't think I am necessarily ugly or ostracized but there is something about me that has always brought out the worst in people. People just want to hurt me. Not all.. but about 30%. And no one wants to protect me.

I have also chosen to isolate in almost everything. I have to work but.. I just try to stay in my office.

I would also be hesitant to share my daydreams with a therapist. Likely they wouldn't understand. My day dreams are not about me. Usually I have 4 or 5 stories like tv shows that didn't go in the direction I wanted and my day dreams are that with me inserted as a character. It is kind of hard to imagine ME in a false situation.