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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 538
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Apr 05, 2009 at 01:32 AM
#1
I feel I could be gone tomorrow and no one would miss me.
 It's hard for me to say how bad I feel now. I know I'll probably never get what I want in life. I've already missed out on that. I'm so use to being alone, I wouldn't know how to be happy. I would be afraid to be happy. I've had chronic depression since I was 13. And never received any treatment for it until I was 32. I don't know how to be anything but alone. I can't handle the stress of risking. Of rejection. I so desperately want to be loved, to be cherished by a woman, and cherish her, but I am told I need to love myself first. I don't see how I can possibley love myself enough to fill the emptyness I feel from being alone. How can I ever provide myself with those things only a woman could give me? Everyday that goes by I feel less and less hopeful. 
__________________  Last edited by horsecab; Apr 05, 2009 at 02:26 AM.. |
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A lonely Loner
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Location: Away from Polaris
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Apr 05, 2009 at 04:47 AM
#2
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((horsey)))))))))))))))))))))
i care for you __________________ As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
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 horsecab
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Wisest Elder Ever
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Apr 05, 2009 at 09:05 AM
#3
(((((((((((((((( horsey ))))))))))))))))))
I care, and would miss you if you werent here  
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horsecab
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Apr 05, 2009 at 09:45 AM
#4
Well I dont agree with what you have been told so there ! Hubby dosnt love himself but loves me and knows and accepts that I love him.
So its not imposible ! |
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horsecab
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Apr 05, 2009 at 10:47 AM
#5
(((((( horsecab ))))))
  I have read your post a few times now and thought that I need to say something positive but then I think we all feel like this from time to time. You seem to me like a kind and sensitive soul and there will be someone out there for you. It's not written in stone that you will be alone forever and you don't know that for sure. Hang in there friend. __________________  Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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horsecab
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 538
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Apr 06, 2009 at 12:48 AM
#6
Thank you all so much for your kind comments. I really felt low last night. I know when I get that way that I need to change my thought pattern and not give into the negativity, as it only wants to take me deeper into depression. I'm so glad to have great friends like you here to help me be more positive.
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Location: Ireland
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Apr 06, 2009 at 12:54 AM
#7
alot of people care about you hun
[/quote]
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horsecab
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Member Since Mar 2009
Posts: 12
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Apr 06, 2009 at 01:01 AM
#8
I care about you even though are ages dont match up. im sure there is someone out there but maybe right now is not the time.
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horsecab
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
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Apr 08, 2009 at 12:28 AM
#9
Well, I'm having trouble with the negative thinking again. So much so, that I can't help but wonder if anyone has ever felt like maybe the worst thing to do has ever felt like it was your destiny. I am beginning to think it is mine.
__________________ Last edited by horsecab; Apr 08, 2009 at 02:26 AM.. |
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A lonely Loner
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Apr 08, 2009 at 02:19 AM
#10
Quote:
__________________ As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: australia
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Apr 08, 2009 at 02:32 AM
#11
i care deeply for you but in saying tha i also know what you'r saying and where you're coming from as i feel the same way. (((((((((((((horsey)))))))))) hang in there with me
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Veteran Member
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Location: Arizona
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Apr 08, 2009 at 11:14 PM
#12
Thanks guys, you're the greatest.
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Apr 09, 2009 at 12:08 AM
#13
Quote:
Hi Horsey, You are taking the words right out of my mind the only difference is I have 20 years on you. It HAS been my destiny. If so why ? Whats the reasons. Maybe trying in palces that are not the right ones and avoiding the ones that are avaiable . learning sooner the warning signs , and of course fear because of the tracj record I selfishishy pray ever so ofter to please bring me someone special . I hope the same for you And Horse cab . it not because you don't love yourself . I love myself . I think im pretty special just the way am . I just haven;t found someone who agrees yet. Patricia |
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horsecab
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Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Dallas
Posts: 24
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Apr 12, 2009 at 11:47 AM
#14
 Hey Horsecab!I used to feel that way, until one day the pain was so great that i took a gun pointed at my head, and the bullet didnt come out, it was stuck!! so, i was soooooooooo pissed off, i mean, can you believe that? anyways, long story short: i had nothing lo lose right? so thats my motto now: help others, besides i got nothing to lose!!! so, horse: sometimes you gotta grab your pain and shake it off of you and reverse it into a challenge, remember you got nothing to lose..hope it helps you too!!! |
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horsecab, LizzyB
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Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 86
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Apr 12, 2009 at 12:10 PM
#15
Hi,
Sending a hug and loving thoughts your way.I know how you feel in many ways. We have many similarities. However, I agree with "Tishie", who wrote, "Well I dont agree with what you have been told so there ! Hubby dosnt love himself but loves me and knows and accepts that I love him. So its not imposible !" In my case, I don't love myself, but am able to be loving and giving with hubby, and I know and accept (usually, at least) that he loves me. But please realize there are people who do care about you, and you can add me to the list. Also, from what I get from your profile, your posts, and your beautiful, eloquent, poetry, I believe I can see you are a good person who just can't see it for himself. __________________ "Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness" |
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horsecab
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 86
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Apr 12, 2009 at 12:11 PM
#16
Teary me, I am thinking of you, too, and I care
Lizzy B __________________ "Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness" |
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horsecab
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Member Since Mar 2009
Location: OKC
Posts: 143
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Apr 12, 2009 at 12:16 PM
#17
I know things seem bleak, but don't hurt yourself. Please seek help if you are feeling this down as soon as you can. I really recommend going to the ER or something.
I understand about feeling down on holidays too. I've had so many bad ones that it's weird to appreciate the good that can happen. But I can guarantee that you would be missed if you were gone tomorrow. I wish you all the love you deserve and understand your despair. But there are those who care, even us people you don't know here. Please get some help. It's OK to ask for it! __________________ Sad in TX   
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horsecab
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 538
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Apr 16, 2009 at 11:31 PM
#18
Thanks for all your support everyone! Don't worry, I'm not really thinking of hurting myself, it's just that I still feel a victims role to life at times where it just feels so hopeless and that my life will never change. But one of the main problems for this is me still identifying with being a victim and scared to go out and make the changes with my life that I say I want. It's still very hard for me. It sure helps to have the support of good friends like all of you. Thanks again!
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Member Since Nov 2008
Location: Ireland
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Apr 17, 2009 at 04:03 AM
#19
you are so special friend to me here
hugs Rosey
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horsecab
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Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Barrie, Ontario
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Apr 17, 2009 at 07:07 AM
#20
Hey Horse,
We do care....you are a great person, and deserve to be here with us. If you ever just need to talk you know where to find me. Take care my friend. |
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horsecab
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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