Crazy Depressed

*Beth* · Jan 05, 2020 at 06:22 PM

Did you ever wish you could fall asleep and just keep sleeping and sleeping until one day you awoke and you felt enthusiastic about living life, instead of fighting to live it?

I don't know what to do, I am so depressed. That kind of depressed I actually feel inside at the base of my ribs/top of my stomach. In other words, a physical depression.

I'm taking Lamictal 400mg; Pristiq 75mg; Klonopin 4mg. I think that's it now.

My therapist is a delightful woman and so compassionate, but I don't know if I'm getting anywhere with therapy. For one thing, she forgets some really important points that I have to repeat. It's annoying. I am absolutely not going to find a different T, though. I have a good fit with Mary; she's just elderly, an excellent listener, but forgets some stuff.

Anyway, is anyone taking anything for BP depression that truly works? As in, you truly don't feel like you're half-dead with depression all the time?

bpcyclist · Jan 05, 2020 at 06:46 PM

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Yes, I have absolutely experienced what you describe--exactly the wasy you describe it. Exactly. I have been on too many antidepressants to even mention, but the one that has worked best is Wellbutrin. It is pretty side effect-free for me, too. The other that was pretty good was Cymbalta.

I do find lithium helps a lot with depression, but it does have some baggage. Lamictal didn't do squat for me. Total waste. Emsasm sometimes can work for folks, It may still come in a patch form, not sure, but may be worth looking inoto.

Sending you positive thoughts and comfort. Feel better.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jan 05, 2020 at 08:54 PM

Emsam does indeed come as a patch. It helped me when I'd failed all the other options. I've been on it 10 years now and have definitely had fewer depressions and less severe ones than prior. Between it and clozapine I've had no severe depressions in 4 years and the other 6 years had fewer depressions than in the past.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

*Beth* · Jan 05, 2020 at 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Yes, I have absolutely experienced what you describe--exactly the wasy you describe it. Exactly.

Thank you so much for understanding. For the validation.

I have been on too many antidepressants to even mention, but the one that has worked best is Wellbutrin. It is pretty side effect-free for me, too. The other that was pretty good was Cymbalta.

At one time or another I have been on every AD there is - except the MAOI's and Wellbutrin. I've never asked about Wellbutrin because I'm afraid of increasing my anxiety level. Do you have any problem with anxiety?

I do find lithium helps a lot with depression, but it does have some baggage. Lamictal didn't do squat for me. Total waste. Emsasm sometimes can work for folks, It may still come in a patch form, not sure, but may be worth looking inoto.

See, I'm on 400mg Lamictal and my pdoc is soooo convinced that Lamictal is the best of the best. Maybe it's doing a lot more for me than I realize it is. But I'm on 400 and it feels like I'm on 50, if that makes sense.

Dr. W. tells me that Lithium is for BP mania, yet I read that it's as much for BP depression. I am going to ask her again about Lithium.

Sending you positive thoughts and comfort. Feel better.

You are so kind. Thank you...thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LadyShadow · Jan 05, 2020 at 09:00 PM

I am so sorry you are feeling this way - I am on Seroquel, Resperdone, and Lithium, which ARE heavier drugs, but I am delightfully floating above water. This is the first time I've been on three major medications, and I think it really does work.

Word of advice - the Klonopin could possibly be a reason you're down - it had made me feel low most of the time, and I felt like a zombie - just my experience though, and of course I am guessing, and I am definitely not a doctor.

I hope you get out of this though, I know it's hard, but at least you come here and post.

Is there anything you enjoy doing?

*Beth* · Jan 05, 2020 at 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Emsam does indeed come as a patch. It helped me when I'd failed all the other options. I've been on it 10 years now and have definitely had fewer depressions and less severe ones than prior. Between it and clozapine I've had no severe depressions in 4 years and the other 6 years had fewer depressions than in the past.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

Thank you, Rainbow. I appreciate your understanding.

I have heard of Emsam, but I don't know what it is.

My pdoc mentioned clozipine once, then decided on Zyprexa, which was pretty much a disaster.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jan 05, 2020 at 09:16 PM

Emsam is an MAOI but it's less of a pain than other MAOIs because it is a patch so doesn't interact with food as much. On the lowest dose there aren't restrictions and on the other 2 doses there are less interactions than traditional MAOIs.

Clozapine has been a miracle for me. Zyprexa did absolutely nothing and other APs either didn't work or I had bad reactions. Clozapine has annoying side effects and labs but you get used to it and eventually barely notice, or at least that's my experience. I'm at nearly 4 years on it, nearly 4 years without an IP stay and nearly 4 years without a severe episode on either end or mixed (which used to be my daily life). It's not a cure-all but it's better than ever before.

bpcyclist · Jan 05, 2020 at 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yep. everyone seems to think Lamictal is just the best bp drug of all time. Not for me. Like I said, total waste of time. It doesn't work for everyone--just like any drug. Duhhh!!!

I don't have anxiety woth Wellbutrin. Maybe some people do. But it's been side effect-free for me, other than dry mouth.

bpcyclist · Jan 05, 2020 at 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Emsam is an MAOI but it's less of a pain than other MAOIs because it is a patch so doesn't interact with food as much. On the lowest dose there aren't restrictions and on the other 2 doses there are less interactions than traditional MAOIs.

Clozapine has been a miracle for me. Zyprexa did absolutely nothing and other APs either didn't work or I had bad reactions. Clozapine has annoying side effects and labs but you get used to it and eventually barely notice, or at least that's my experience. I'm at nearly 4 years on it, nearly 4 years without an IP stay and nearly 4 years without a severe episode on either end or mixed (which used to be my daily life). It's not a cure-all but it's better than ever before.

That is awesome. Pretty sure I am starting Clozaril next week. Getting labs tomorrow.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jan 05, 2020 at 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

That is awesome. Pretty sure I am starting Clozaril next week. Getting labs tomorrow.

I really hope it helps you. I don't remember what it was like going on it (nor would your experience be the same) because I was IP cross-tapering off 1500 mg of Seroquel. I do know that I've been surprised to stay at a fairly low dose. The hospital sent me home on 325 I think and I've been on 350 since right after that. One time I sent manic quickly but before it got out of control at all I was able to increase my dose to 400 for 4 days and after I slept those away no more mania. It was magic. I then went right back to 350 and while I've had permission to go up I've never had to again. Everything has been manageable, even psychosis (which isn't a huge issue for me, more bothersome than devastating).

It's a slightly annoying drug for a year and by the end of that you'll not even remember when you didn't know all the phlebotomists at the lab.

I hope that if this is what you need it works out for you. I'll pray for you.

*Beth* · Jan 05, 2020 at 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I am so sorry you are feeling this way - I am on Seroquel, Resperdone, and Lithium, which ARE heavier drugs, but I am delightfully floating above water. This is the first time I've been on three major medications, and I think it really does work.

That's great! Inspiring.

Word of advice - the Klonopin could possibly be a reason you're down - it had made me feel low most of the time, and I felt like a zombie - just my experience though, and of course I am guessing, and I am definitely not a doctor.

I've been taking 2mg/day of K-pin for 20 years; adding in the extra 2mg is definitely helping anxiety. But yes- I'm watching out for any Klonopin-induced depression.

I hope you get out of this though, I know it's hard, but at least you come here and post.

Thank you

Is there anything you enjoy doing?

More on that.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Beth* · Jan 05, 2020 at 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Emsam is an MAOI but it's less of a pain than other MAOIs because it is a patch so doesn't interact with food as much. On the lowest dose there aren't restrictions and on the other 2 doses there are less interactions than traditional MAOIs.

Clozapine has been a miracle for me. Zyprexa did absolutely nothing and other APs either didn't work or I had bad reactions. Clozapine has annoying side effects and labs but you get used to it and eventually barely notice, or at least that's my experience. I'm at nearly 4 years on it, nearly 4 years without an IP stay and nearly 4 years without a severe episode on either end or mixed (which used to be my daily life). It's not a cure-all but it's better than ever before.

Thank you! Excellent info!

*Beth* · Jan 05, 2020 at 11:39 PM

I guess I am really, truly NUTS.

This day was nearly unbearable. I was so severely depressed that I was concerned about myself, was considering going to the ER. But I didn't want to go IP.

It was a bad day, and each of you who replied to me have been so gentle and kind, plus you've given me some excellent info.

AND THEN NIGHT CAME!

And I noticed my mood lifting and then I noticed my mood lifting some more, and I thought about buying a ticket for a movie I want to see (really, I want to be IN the movie, but of course that's not realistic)---

So here I am, doing this (apparently) BP thing. GEE! What's next?

Demons with wings?

The man who stands in my bedroom and stares out the window?

Is it any wonder BP's have a high suicide rate?

mY heART is bRoKEn

Is it something I can live with? Will one day finally come, maybe on my 60th birthday, when I say OH! I CAN live like this!! Never knowing if the day will be up, down, both? (It's certainly never "neither.")

And if I cannot live with it, so I go back to Dr. W. and tell her that maybe the Zyprexa was helping, after all, and I take the medication that will kill me so I don't kill myself?

I want to run down the street and breathe the cold winter air, but instead I'll take my meds and go to bed and wake up and...who knows what.

giddykitty · Jan 06, 2020 at 12:55 AM

It's not letting me multiquote for some reason. Firstly, Beth, sorry you're suffering. Second, Wellbutrin causes anxiety?? I was just prescribed it recently but I'm on an anti-anxiety med, you know, because I have anxiety.

also

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Word of advice - the Klonopin could possibly be a reason you're down - it had made me feel low most of the time, and I felt like a zombie - just my experience though, and of course I am guessing, and I am definitely not a doctor.

Klonopin (or Clonazepam rather) is what I'm taking for anxiety. This can make you feel down?? I've been feeling ho-hum like forever! Could also just be life's tolls though. I do have good moments, but generally just like existing...

*Beth* · Jan 06, 2020 at 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giddykitty

It's not letting me multiquote for some reason. Firstly, Beth, sorry you're suffering. Second, Wellbutrin causes anxiety?? I was just prescribed it recently but I'm on an anti-anxiety med, you know, because I have anxiety.

also

Klonopin (or Clonazepam rather) is what I'm taking for anxiety. This can make you feel down?? I've been feeling ho-hum like forever! Could also just be life's tolls though. I do have good moments, but generally just like existing...

Wellbutrin is an "activating" AD; in theory can cause anxiety. But I'd like to hear from those who take it.

Klonopin is an anti-anxiety (similar chemical structure to alcohol), so in theory can cause depression...just like alcohol can cause good feelings, but eventually depression.

bpcyclist · Jan 06, 2020 at 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giddykitty

It's not letting me multiquote for some reason. Firstly, Beth, sorry you're suffering. Second, Wellbutrin causes anxiety?? I was just prescribed it recently but I'm on an anti-anxiety med, you know, because I have anxiety.

also

Klonopin (or Clonazepam rather) is what I'm taking for anxiety. This can make you feel down?? I've been feeling ho-hum like forever! Could also just be life's tolls though. I do have good moments, but generally just like existing...

I had to d/c my Klonopin because it was making my depression worse. No doubt.

*Beth* · Jan 06, 2020 at 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I had to d/c my Klonopin because it was making my depression worse. No doubt.

Yeah, something has to happen here, I've gone crazy. I accidentally threw the damned Zyprexa in the dumpster (it was in the wrong bag), I'm going to see if there any way I can fish it out, take the stuff until my pdoc is in on Wednesday. OMG, I don't know how I'll make it until Wednesday. I'm literally in physical distress of some kind, like my body is vibrating inside; I'm so angry but horribly depressed, and I have something to tell the world but I don't know what it is.

Thank you, bpc, you have integrity and I appreciate it.

*Beth* · Jan 06, 2020 at 03:01 PM

Okay, luckily the Bottle of Zyprexa was still in the bag on a relatively clean piece of cardboard in the dumpster. I feel like a back-alley addict.

Jan 06, 2020 at 05:02 PM

Sorry you're depressed.

Zoloft and Rexulti are the only things so far that have helped with my depression. Lexapro technically "helped," but it made me manic at 10mg (minimum therapeutic dose) and did nothing at 5mg (smallest dose available), so it wasn't a useful med for me.

The interesting thing about Rexulti is that it's partly marketed toward people with MDD since it can be used to treat MDD. It's also marketed toward people with schizophrenia, though, so it helps with psychosis. Not sure about treating mania, but just figured I'd bring that up.

Jan 07, 2020 at 09:50 AM

Hi BethRags. I'm glad you managed to find your Zyprexa. I also hope that your depression will lift soon. Like bpcyclist, in the past I have also felt exactly how you described (wishing I could sleep through a depression and wake up better).

I'm not sure what to suggest in terms of medications. I can't take antidepressants, but I know they help many people with bipolar disorder. Lamictal has been helpful for me in the past. I am sorry it is not doing so for you. I do think Seroquel XR has been very helpful for curbing/preventing my depression, but if I recall correctly, I think you said you dislike Seroquel? Maybe I'm not remembering correctly. I also think my small dose of Latuda has been helpful, and it's primarily known to be good for bipolar depression, but it can be a bit expensive, unless you can use their online coupon to its greatest advantage. Unlike Seroquel and Seroquel XR, Latuda was never really sedating for me. It also seems to be weight neutral.

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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 06, 2020 at 03:01 PM #18 Okay, luckily the Bottle of Zyprexa was still in the bag on a relatively clean piece of cardboard in the dumpster. I feel like a back-alley addict. __________________
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