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Default Apr 28, 2020 at 01:10 PM
  #1
How do I remind myself that it's okay to take medication and not feel like I'm just trying to escape my problems. Whatever I decide I need to do it long term. For me. I have trouble viewing episodes like headaches where you treat the episode then you are done Vs. seizure disorder were meds are a daily thing. I know what I'm "running away" from is not things healthy people deal with. I've been off my daily meds at least 2.5 weeks. I feel like I can't deal with the symptoms in therapy if I'm not having them. I know I'm the cliche BP off and on meds. I just want to pick and be satisfied.

Old pdoc use to say any misuse of them even to little use of them is abusing drugs.

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Default Apr 28, 2020 at 08:37 PM
  #2
I believe that mental illness is biological in origin. Therefore, I need medication just as I would if I had any other physical health issue that would benefit by the use of medication.

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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 01:28 PM
  #3
Hi Miguel'smom. I understand what you are going through. I used to regard my episodes (pre-diagnosis) as "brain flues". Even after my diagnosis, I would sometimes go through periods when I thought I could take a break from medications. Or even more often I thought I could then handle my illness on my own. LOL! Like how? I don't know. Willpower? Toughness? Well, that didn't work. Also, my illness grew worse over time. I learned that I truly needed my medications to keep me stable (or as stable as possible). The glory days of long remissions were over, for me. Plus, once I finally developed some insight into my illness, I was able to look back at my past bipolar behavior with a different eye. I'm not going to say I was downright horrible all of the time before treatment, but I now see it as illness. Illness. Not just exuberance or "Super Woman". The behavior was illness that really needed to be treated.

We never get cured of bipolar disorder. If you have it, you have it. Sure, some people are lucky to have long long remissions, but many of us don't.

You mentioned seizures. My mother had epilepsy. When she was a young woman (in her 20s), she decided to try to go off her medications and use therapeutic strategies alone, instead. It was a disaster! She had three young children and she suddenly started having seizure after seizure after seizure. The kindling effect worsened matters and she ended up in the hospital for several days. After that, she never stopped her medications again. In fact, she was so dedicated to taking her medications that in her last week of life, she would remind the ICU doctors to not forget to give her her epilepsy medications.
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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 07:42 PM
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@BirdDancer How did you decide to stay on meds? I've been Dx'd MI for 14+ years and am still wishy-washy.

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Default May 01, 2020 at 05:39 AM
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@BirdDancer How did you decide to stay on meds? I've been Dx'd MI for 14+ years and am still wishy-washy.
Hi Miguel'smom. A very similar way my mother did. I hit a bottom that convinced me that not taking medications was potentially fatal. One could look at fatality in various senses, too. No one wants to have to hit a bottom.

My bipolar disorder was not going to just disappear. I had been having serious and mild episodes intermittently for almost 20 years when I finally accepted that medications were mandatory for me. At this point, I would be more insane not taking them.

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Default May 01, 2020 at 11:09 AM
  #6
What do the meds offer you? I think it is important to give them plenty of time to work (months in many cases and sometimes you need to try a few) and see what the benefits are. If you are hearing voices, wanting to self harm, fearful of others, unable to concentrate, not sleeping, not eating etc. and the meds help with any or all of that, then why not take them? If you take them irregularly you cannot answer the question properly.

Another question to ask is what negative effects are you trying to avoid by not taking meds? If you can be clear about those then your doctor can search for a mix that minimizes or eliminates those effects.

You can deal with symptoms on or off meds. Sometimes it is best to deal with them when you're not having them. Getting some separation offers a chance for perspective. It gives you time to prepare a strategy to use if and when the symptoms occur.

I like what your old pdoc said. If a provider knows the way for the meds to be effective is for you to take them regularly and you don't or tinker with the doses on your own, you're creating your own problems. If he deems that abuse, I can see that position.
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Default May 01, 2020 at 02:44 PM
  #7
I was faithfully taking my meds for 7+ month this time before stopping them. Meds sometime helped with the voices and confusion. Everyone trusts me more when on medication (besides parents/siblings to them I'm weak) Another question to ask is what negative effects are you trying to avoid by not taking meds? Swallowing pills and cost. Not feeling like I'm just trying to escape my problems through drug use. And I don't like that it takes away the calming bad choice voice that I've had from childhood.
hearing voices, wanting to self harm, fearful of others, Are just part of my personality at this point.T wants me on more drugs then I was on.

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Default May 01, 2020 at 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
I was faithfully taking my meds for 7+ month this time before stopping them. Meds sometime helped with the voices and confusion. Everyone trusts me more when on medication (besides parents/siblings to them I'm weak) Another question to ask is what negative effects are you trying to avoid by not taking meds? Swallowing pills and cost. Not feeling like I'm just trying to escape my problems through drug use. And I don't like that it takes away the calming bad choice voice that I've had from childhood.
hearing voices, wanting to self harm, fearful of others, Are just part of my personality at this point.T wants me on more drugs then I was on.
What is the calming bad choice voice?

Just my opinion.... But the neuropathways that lead to self harm and fearful behaviors are strong at this point because it has been going on so long. I think those patterns could be shifted slowly over time. I think you have every reason to hope for and reach for better.
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Default May 01, 2020 at 05:35 PM
  #9
What is the calming bad choice voice? It tells me everything's okay. I can do X if I want. questions/reprimands everything I eat. then tells me it's okay as long as I do X. Like an troubled friend. It like a conscious that's soothing but makes horrible suggestions (not life threatening ones). I've had it since I was little (like under 10) I imagine it's like the Eating disorder voice that people with EDs talk about. I even named it when I was little. Even though I know I shouldn't have it I miss it when it's gone.

I think those patterns could be shifted slowly over time. I think you have every reason to hope for and reach for better. I do have hope I don't feel medication will change that It requires therapy which currently I'm continuing with.

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Default May 02, 2020 at 09:05 PM
  #10
I see "drugs" as something people take to escape their issues in an unhealthy way.

"Medication" is a healthy way to treat an illness. Meds are self-care, not self harm.

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Default May 02, 2020 at 10:52 PM
  #11
I took my meds.

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Default May 06, 2020 at 08:10 PM
  #12
Except the times I forget my meds, I make sure to take them.. Ever since my manic episode a year ago (almost exactly) I remember how bad off I was and how Seroquel pulled me out of it. Then again, sometimes I think strong meds should be reserved for strong episodes. I was taking 200 every hour or something crazy like that. It knocked me OUT! Stopped the mania for sure. But taking seroquel every day makes me upset that it has negative metabolic side effects.

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