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Default May 21, 2013 at 08:17 PM
  #1
I saw both my T and a Pdoc today to evaluate my meds. They changed them up. Took me off the Librium, and put me on carbamazepine twice a day. My T also said that I may be bpd as well as bipolar 1. I can accept the bipolar, b/c that's a brain chemistry thing, and it's science. But I don't know about he borderline personality disorder. I was doing okay today until that. She really wants me to go into Dialectical behavior therapy. My T thinks that it would be good for me, but I'm scared. I'm scared to find out I'm broken, and not just some screwed up chemistry. I can understand science, but the personality disorder, I just don't understand, and I'm scared.

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Default May 21, 2013 at 09:23 PM
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Not Librium but lithium.
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Default May 21, 2013 at 09:48 PM
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At least BPD is behavioral which's means it can be corrected and omitted from your "cray rap sheet." I'd rather have BPD with no BP. That would be great. No more screwing around with all these different med cocktails, side effects and family watching you out of love and fear and questioning secretly if every bad mood or negatively expressed emotion is an episode or not. Sorry, this about you not me. But if you wanted another perspective...

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Default May 21, 2013 at 09:55 PM
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I'm just really scared. Like my T told me to do, I did research, and it scares me. I'm glad you responded though. I get ignored in real life enough. Like I said, I can understand that my brain doesn't make the right chemicals, but I feel as if I'm broken b/c of bpd is not a genetic or medical thing. Does that make sense?
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Default May 21, 2013 at 10:19 PM
  #5
Bpd confuses me, learning about it cuz I fit some symptoms too. They say it can be hereditary. Meds help some bpd symptoms. Try not to be too afraid of it, it's just info. I'm sorry you're afraid though. Thing with fear of the unknown is that it's still there whether you know it or not. Better to know in my opinion. Dbt is helpful for people with bp and bpd. Maybe check in and say hello in the bpd forum. There are quite a few with bp & bpd and they were kind and welcoming to me, I noticed a very gentle and caring vibe. Hang in there it will get better.
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Default May 22, 2013 at 02:28 PM
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Thanks blue. i did check in over at the bpd forum. Been reading it off and on today.
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Default May 22, 2013 at 02:41 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffro1972 View Post
I'm just really scared. Like my T told me to do, I did research, and it scares me. I'm glad you responded though. I get ignored in real life enough. Like I said, I can understand that my brain doesn't make the right chemicals, but I feel as if I'm broken b/c of bpd is not a genetic or medical thing. Does that make sense?
there's no definitive proof of chemical imbalance... I mean, you don't have any factual testing... it's based on self-report and your feelings...

so what is the difference from personality disorder? Therapy can help with lotta bipolar crap too.

ANd if you display traits.... if you have it... getting diagnosis doesn't change that much, except chance to address it and give you chance to live with it better.

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Default May 22, 2013 at 05:13 PM
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there's no definitive proof of chemical imbalance... I mean, you don't have any factual testing... it's based on self-report and your feelings...

This is true, however disconcerting. Chemical imbalance is a theory, but not entirely proven. And we are diagnosed through self-reports and what our providers witness. It's not like we're given tests on our chemicals or even brain MRI's (though some studies show that brains with those with mental illness are different, those with trouble with mood regulation are different, etc., but they don't do MRI's on us).

I do think there's this dichotomy made between personality disorders and illnesses like bipolar and schizophrenia, where PD's are somehow someone's 'fault' and illnesses like bipolar are not your 'fault' because it's your brain that's messed up. Hence, even though there is a good deal of stigma associated with bipolar, I would contend that there is more with PD's. They don't 'get' to say "It's not my fault." And I'm not sure that's either fair or accurate.

They're not sure why certain meds work, either. If you look at info on so many psych meds, they say things like 'the mechanism of effectiveness' (wildly misquoting here) is 'unknown.' Though there's the theory that if you get better on mood stabilizers then it's bipolar, or at least an indication.

One thing that lots of tests have shown though, is how hereditary these conditions are.

Maybe there are genes involved, environment, temperament, chemicals/brain stuff, my suspicion is that it's a combination of all of these with most mental illnesses.

There's a lot of association between early trauma and BPD, though I've read studies where early trauma is associated with many mental illnesses, including bipolar.

So there's lots of stigma with BPD, but if it helps any, I for one don't believe in the dichotomy of 'fault' versus 'no fault.' Not sure what to replace that dichotomy with, though...
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Default May 22, 2013 at 05:38 PM
  #9
Maybe I will get slammed for this .. But it is my opinion....

I do not care what label someone puts on me , or is it a chemical thing ? not a chemical thing? personality disorder? None of that matters to me, not a single bit.

What does matter is how I feel and what can I do for myself to enjoy my life more.
I have good days and not so good days.. but pretty much everyone does. I have days where I can hardly move or breath.

Maybe next week I will tumble down the big black hole or maybe I won't . I no longer worry about when I may or may not be up or down. I deal with it when it happens.

And I will be here needing support, I am certain

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