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Anonymous200280
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#1
I am having a lot of trouble stopping what goes through my head from coming out of my mouth. Sometimes it works out ok, because what I think is hilarious to some, or I have a good point. But its not a good thing when I am angry, I tend to rant. I have never been abusive but I have said some really dumb things. I am so racked with shame today from the weekends rant to a workmate.
The guilt and shame is causing intrusive thoughts, and thoughts of needing to be punished. Which in turn is bringing on physical symptoms. I am now nauseous, shaking, feeling weak and just generally bad. I am ruminating and I keep getting the looping "I dont want to do this anymore" thought. I want to avoid work all together but I know I cant (and I wont). I have apologised to the workmate and explained that I have trouble with what I say sometimes (it wasnt anything too bad, just things that now cause me embarrassment, and will cause more embarrassment when she tells anyone). How do I deal with the guilt of having no brain filter? This is not the first time but the most recent and the part that is really bugging me today. I have brought it up with my pdocs and therapists before. But all have said it is a symptom and have not given me any techniques to help. I will bring it up with my new therapist this week but I am open to ideas as to how to control what comes out of my mouth while still being social. When I try to control it, I just end up staying quiet and then people think there is something wrong, or I am being rude. Is there any other way to control it? Thanks in advance. |
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Curiosity77
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#2
I don't have any advice, but I can relate to saying things impulsively without thinking it through. Even worse are the impulsive emails I have sent - emails that seem so urgent at the time, but if I waited a day or 2 I would realize that it would be a better idea not to send it. I've sent a bunch of emails to my professional association, doctors, and union when I was unwell and trying to convince them that I was ready to have my nursing license back. Long emails, explaining everything, to just make them understand. I think all I accomplished was making myself look more unstable. I'm better about it now, but I still feel like sending (or actually send) emails at times when it's better not to.
__________________ "Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
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Anonymous200280
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#3
Thanks Curiosity77, that makes me feel less alone. I am better when it comes to emails, but fb is the killer for me. I will write comments or messages while I am still emotionally charged and that leads to regret. I am getting much better with that now though. I can totally relate to wanting to explain everything as well. Thankyou.
I know that you work with mentally ill. I have just started to work more one on one with my mental health patients and Im terrified I will slip up and tell them I have bipolar, or make a casual remark about meds that will out me. I feel this will be detrimental to my career. I am so worried I will say something without thinking. I am super aware around my clients, but it makes me awkward at times and that is also no good. How do you manage it? |
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#4
I know the feeling. I have been fired from 2 jobs for outbursts. Sometimes whenever I get really nervous or stressed, I have verbal outbursts. It usually includes some profane words mixed in, and I am always ashamed afterwards. I am at a point to where it hits me so fast that I don't have time to get away from people before I do it. So they see me do it. I bet they think that I am one f'up dude. And I hope it never gets me arrested. It happened the other day at a fast food joint. It's terrible.
It's part of my bp which is why I'm receiving treatment. I am trying, but embarrasing myself iscsomething I don't need. I already am fed up with myself and my situation. |
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almondjoy
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#5
I know exactly what you mean! I start saying all kinds of things I think are hilarious or great points that the world needs to acknowledge.. then when I'm irritable, I say things I don't mean and make a fool of myself. I have been abusive before though - to family members, I'm sad to admit
Then I believe I need to be punished or have to punish myself and often have a meltdown and do the whole "I don't want to do this anymore" (x500) thing. I honestly don't know, I haven't really got any strategies.. but know you're not the only one! I'm going to be keeping up with this thread as well to see what others suggest! |
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#6
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You will be great as a mental health worker. I think my illness has made me better able to help others, and yours will too. You always post caring and insightful things, so I think that is how you will treat your clients too. PM me anytime __________________ "Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." Last edited by Curiosity77; May 11, 2014 at 07:59 PM.. |
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Lobster Hands
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#7
Yes, I've reacted instead of responded many times.
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Talanic
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#8
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Everyone in this thread isn't alone lol __________________ Schizoaffective Bipolar type and Panic disorder with agoraphobia- |
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#9
While I don't have anything that can help. I can say that I have a similar issue. Sometimes I will just talk because I can't help it. Anything I think of just comes out and there is no filter on it. This has gotten me in trouble in the past. Like just recently I got in an argument with my charge nurse over something because I just said what I felt and didn't think about it. She probably could of written me up for it if she wanted to.
Other times I will get home from whatever and think about what I had talked about while out, and be like wow I didn't want them to know that and feel this anxiety over it. Sometimes even while it is going on I will realize it and then try to filter, but it's not always successful. |
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skyler143
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#10
I hope someone has some advice for this. I never have a filter. It just comes right out. And when I am angry, I wave my arms around like a two year old throwing a tantrum. Not good since I am a grandmother. HELP PLEASE
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almondjoy
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#11
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Innerzone
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#12
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But how to avoid…. No great tips, the only thing I've found is recognizing a wound up and irritable day, and trying to self-quarantine. For everyone's sake. But that is not always possible(!) Other than that, like you said, I just try to be quiet (haha). If successful, no one would see any different than my usual (IRL, obviously ), so that part's not a problem. Actually being able to DO it is the problem. All I can really think of is trying to be cognizant heading into a situation (like going to a place, thinking, ok, got that going on today… stay cool, stay cool), because in the midst of it, cognizance tends to come in the "too late" category. The Gatekeeper has left the building. __________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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Anonymous200280
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#13
Thankyou for all of the responses
I mentioned it to my therapist today. She said some things that really made sense, but much of it has gone in one ear and out the other. I took some notes, the most helpful was "Listen, Process, Summerise" So I am to really try to listen and take a few moments before I respond, clarifying and using language that is easily understood. I think part of it has to do with anxiety. In social situations, I dont want to appear to be abnormal, so I just try to keep the conversation/discussion going. If I stop for a minute or two I get so anxious about what to say next, I question my decisions and then I just end up blurting whatever is on my mind again. There must be a filter there, its just not in use... It worries me that I will blurt out my intrusive OCD thoughts as they are pretty dramatic. I feel I would benefit from remembering if I have nothing interesting to say to just stay quiet, it is not my job to keep conversation moving. And when I am angry or irritated it is best to take everything in instead of letting everything out. Avoiding social situations and work is not an option for me. Avoidance brings on anxiety for the next time, and it just snowballs. I am working really hard to learn to cope with these symptoms rather than hermit myself for fear of embarrassment. |
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#14
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I still do it, but less, and though it seems SO obvious, but it was a real revelation to me that delay was an option(!) A bit different situation and reasoning, but the same at the root. Processing time. It's good! * Are 4 infinitives even allowed in one sentence? Lol. Must be time to go to bed... __________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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Anonymous200280
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Anonymous200280
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#15
Well yesterday was a gigantic fail...
I thought I'd try to be more aware of what I was saying, stop and think before replying etc. On fb I was terrible, while I thought about my replies they were still answers that I later regretted. When I went back to read them, although well articulated, they were things I did not need to express. Why did it seem so important in the moment? Why did I think anyone needed to hear that? I also got narky at work, send a bit of a *****y email which at the time I thought I was totally justified in doing - but later looked back and realised it was a bit harsh. And when I was talking to people at work, my attitude was off. I would pause before replying but the only thing I could think was my first thought of the situation, which then in turn came out of my mouth. Sometimes that first thought is not what I really think when I have a few minutes to process. Is this a processing problem? My process is too slow so the first reaction comes out of my mouth/on to the keyboard? |
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#16
Did it again today... was speaking to someone who could make or break my reputation in my current field of work. Looks like it might be broken... I hate every word that comes out of my mouth sometimes but I just cant seem to stop it! I've never been abusive but I have been slightly *****y at times, and the guilt drives me crazy. Its mostly just me saying stupid **** that I then ruminate about for hours because I dont know why I even said what I did.
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Innerzone
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almondjoy
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#17
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__________________ Dx: Bipolar II Say you're with me,
There's gold ahead, there's golden dreams In life's hills and valleys, So will you hold on with me? |
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Lobster Hands
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#18
I need a brain to keyboard filter...
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Curiosity77
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