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Old 05-11-2014, 07:01 PM   #1
Anonymous200280
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Default Brain to mouth filter

I am having a lot of trouble stopping what goes through my head from coming out of my mouth. Sometimes it works out ok, because what I think is hilarious to some, or I have a good point. But its not a good thing when I am angry, I tend to rant. I have never been abusive but I have said some really dumb things. I am so racked with shame today from the weekends rant to a workmate.

The guilt and shame is causing intrusive thoughts, and thoughts of needing to be punished. Which in turn is bringing on physical symptoms. I am now nauseous, shaking, feeling weak and just generally bad. I am ruminating and I keep getting the looping "I dont want to do this anymore" thought. I want to avoid work all together but I know I cant (and I wont).

I have apologised to the workmate and explained that I have trouble with what I say sometimes (it wasnt anything too bad, just things that now cause me embarrassment, and will cause more embarrassment when she tells anyone).

How do I deal with the guilt of having no brain filter? This is not the first time but the most recent and the part that is really bugging me today. I have brought it up with my pdocs and therapists before. But all have said it is a symptom and have not given me any techniques to help. I will bring it up with my new therapist this week but I am open to ideas as to how to control what comes out of my mouth while still being social.

When I try to control it, I just end up staying quiet and then people think there is something wrong, or I am being rude. Is there any other way to control it?

Thanks in advance.
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Old 05-11-2014, 07:23 PM   #2
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Default Re: Brain to mouth filter

I don't have any advice, but I can relate to saying things impulsively without thinking it through. Even worse are the impulsive emails I have sent - emails that seem so urgent at the time, but if I waited a day or 2 I would realize that it would be a better idea not to send it. I've sent a bunch of emails to my professional association, doctors, and union when I was unwell and trying to convince them that I was ready to have my nursing license back. Long emails, explaining everything, to just make them understand. I think all I accomplished was making myself look more unstable. I'm better about it now, but I still feel like sending (or actually send) emails at times when it's better not to.
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Old 05-11-2014, 07:38 PM   #3
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Thanks Curiosity77, that makes me feel less alone. I am better when it comes to emails, but fb is the killer for me. I will write comments or messages while I am still emotionally charged and that leads to regret. I am getting much better with that now though. I can totally relate to wanting to explain everything as well. Thankyou.

I know that you work with mentally ill. I have just started to work more one on one with my mental health patients and Im terrified I will slip up and tell them I have bipolar, or make a casual remark about meds that will out me. I feel this will be detrimental to my career. I am so worried I will say something without thinking. I am super aware around my clients, but it makes me awkward at times and that is also no good. How do you manage it?
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Old 05-11-2014, 07:56 PM   #4
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I know the feeling. I have been fired from 2 jobs for outbursts. Sometimes whenever I get really nervous or stressed, I have verbal outbursts. It usually includes some profane words mixed in, and I am always ashamed afterwards. I am at a point to where it hits me so fast that I don't have time to get away from people before I do it. So they see me do it. I bet they think that I am one f'up dude. And I hope it never gets me arrested. It happened the other day at a fast food joint. It's terrible.
It's part of my bp which is why I'm receiving treatment. I am trying, but embarrasing myself iscsomething I don't need. I already am fed up with myself and my situation.
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Old 05-11-2014, 08:42 PM   #5
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Default Re: Brain to mouth filter

I know exactly what you mean! I start saying all kinds of things I think are hilarious or great points that the world needs to acknowledge.. then when I'm irritable, I say things I don't mean and make a fool of myself. I have been abusive before though - to family members, I'm sad to admit
Then I believe I need to be punished or have to punish myself and often have a meltdown and do the whole "I don't want to do this anymore" (x500) thing.
I honestly don't know, I haven't really got any strategies.. but know you're not the only one! I'm going to be keeping up with this thread as well to see what others suggest!
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Old 05-11-2014, 08:45 PM   #6
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Default Brain to mouth filter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Supanova View Post
Thanks Curiosity77, that makes me feel less alone. I am better when it comes to emails, but fb is the killer for me. I will write comments or messages while I am still emotionally charged and that leads to regret. I am getting much better with that now though. I can totally relate to wanting to explain everything as well. Thankyou.

I know that you work with mentally ill. I have just started to work more one on one with my mental health patients and Im terrified I will slip up and tell them I have bipolar, or make a casual remark about meds that will out me. I feel this will be detrimental to my career. I am so worried I will say something without thinking. I am super aware around my clients, but it makes me awkward at times and that is also no good. How do you manage it?
It's challenging, because sometimes the patient's say something, and I can relate, but they assume that I have no idea what they are going through. Sometimes I feel like telling them would be therapeutic, but I don't self disclose because it could damage my career and also I don't know how they would feel about it. I have one patient in particular, who is trying to come to terms and learn to manage his bipolar disorder. I feel like if I could tell him my personal experiences he would benefit, but I am careful what I say. He said he had a youth worker once who was bipolar, and he really listened to and respected her. I don't say anything, but I've encouraged him to read Icarus project books, and we talk openly about his ambivalence around meds and his experiences with this disorder. He met our team psychiatrist once, but really didn't like him. He prefers to just see me, so I"m doing the med management etc. I have another patient with an anxiety disorder who keeps going on and off his meds. He asked me if I'd ever had anxiety, so I said yes (I also have GAD). He asked me if I"d ever taken meds for it, so I also said yes. He looked shocked - I hope hearing that reduced some of the stigma he was feeling, because he felt like people with anxiety can never lead normal lives. I didn't tell him that I am on WAY more meds than he is, lol. So those are a couple examples. I have more, but I don't want to bore you with it. I guess I let my experiences inform my practice, but I base my interventions on scientific evidence and my training. I can't assume that the way I experience things is the same way the patients experience it, even if we have the same disorder, and I have to keep my boundaries. Usually it's not a problem, but I have had cases with were a challenge. It's also hard with disclosure to coworkers. 2 of the social workers and one of the psychiatrist's at work know about my bipolar, but only one of the social workers knows any details, and even that is limited. I struggled with telling anyone because of the stigma, but ultimately decided to tell a few people because I felt like people were noticing signs, and I was depressed and having a hard time covering all my symptoms. People seemed really surprised, so I guess I was better at hiding it than I thought. I don't know if disclosure was the best idea, but it's part of my problem with having no filter I guess.

You will be great as a mental health worker. I think my illness has made me better able to help others, and yours will too. You always post caring and insightful things, so I think that is how you will treat your clients too. PM me anytime
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Last edited by Curiosity77; 05-11-2014 at 08:59 PM..
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Old 05-12-2014, 11:00 AM   #7
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Yes, I've reacted instead of responded many times.
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Old 05-12-2014, 08:42 PM   #8
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Default Re: Brain to mouth filter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curiosity77 View Post
I don't have any advice, but I can relate to saying things impulsively without thinking it through. Even worse are the impulsive emails I have sent - emails that seem so urgent at the time, but if I waited a day or 2 I would realize that it would be a better idea not to send it. I've sent a bunch of emails to my professional association, doctors, and union when I was unwell and trying to convince them that I was ready to have my nursing license back. Long emails, explaining everything, to just make them understand. I think all I accomplished was making myself look more unstable. I'm better about it now, but I still feel like sending (or actually send) emails at times when it's better not to.
Oh man, I know what you're talking about all too well. I've done the same thing many times. I can't tell you how many dates I've scared away by sending e-mails I couldn't help but send that felt VERY important at the time. It would just drive me crazy and I'd be forced to send something. Then as you said, later I realized that it was just a bad idea.

Everyone in this thread isn't alone lol
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Old 05-12-2014, 08:53 PM   #9
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Default Re: Brain to mouth filter

While I don't have anything that can help. I can say that I have a similar issue. Sometimes I will just talk because I can't help it. Anything I think of just comes out and there is no filter on it. This has gotten me in trouble in the past. Like just recently I got in an argument with my charge nurse over something because I just said what I felt and didn't think about it. She probably could of written me up for it if she wanted to.

Other times I will get home from whatever and think about what I had talked about while out, and be like wow I didn't want them to know that and feel this anxiety over it. Sometimes even while it is going on I will realize it and then try to filter, but it's not always successful.
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Old 05-12-2014, 08:58 PM   #10
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Default Re: Brain to mouth filter

I hope someone has some advice for this. I never have a filter. It just comes right out. And when I am angry, I wave my arms around like a two year old throwing a tantrum. Not good since I am a grandmother. HELP PLEASE

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