[notALICE]

I'm sure some of us have loving supportive families, I'm not among that group, unfortunately. I've been diagnosed as having Bioloar I, as has my son.

I've offered educational material, open conversations...books.
Only to run my into a wall. My mother still sees me as "the bad child" even at my mature age of 41.

I've sought help, been proactive in my care, stuck with routine as much as possible. Med compliant. They cannot see this as a health disorder. Yes, it does have to do with my brain, but how is that different from a pancreas that cannot make insulin?

I'd have little or nothing to do with them except I do not want to deprive my younger children their grandparents, and other family members.

I guess the gist of this is that I'm hurting from the lack of understanding. That's my problem. I know I can't change them, only my reaction to them.

Maybe I already know the answer: accept them for who and how they are. Any tips on making that acceptance easier?

Baa baa family black sheep,

[venusss]

Acceptance tips? Forget insulin metaphores. Forget "I am ill". If you see it as illness, chances are you will never accept "it's okay to be who I am". YOu will always see yourself as ill, broke brain....

Many of the things we do are not illness. If family has problem with us, it's often not because of our "illness", it's because we do things differently. You could be neurotypical and it would be still issue. Your career, your partners, where you live, how you cook, how you dress, the way you peel oranges...

You don't have to explain yourself to you. Education? I don't know, I always thought that "education your family and friends about your disorder" comes across as somewhat obnoxious. If you aren't doing anything bad, you have nothing to apologize for... if you hurt somebody, make up for that, don't "educate" them.
What I am saying... you yourself know if you cross the lines... if you done bad ****... lot can be forgiven. Made up for. If you are just different and troubled... it's nobody's business to judge you.

[BlueInanna]

I'm a black sheep of the community and it hurts. So maybe thank god that I'm not so judgmental as they are. I think we need family and community, and it feels so horrible to be the ones left out, the ones talked about and judged. If they'd give us a chance they'd see what gifts we bring to the relationship. But we can't make them open up to get to really know and accept us - so wisdom you already have to see something you cannot change. Then we just pray for serenity to come to peace with it. Acceptance yes this is who they are going to be. I'm so sorry you don't have their support and understanding with what a difficult time you're going through. I'm here, will be part of your surrogate family and support you in these hard decisions and nightmare youve been going through lately. Going to force my big beautiful butt out of bed and drink a pot of coffee in your honor. You're my hero amazing mom of 8, your a wonderful friend too

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

Acceptance tips? Forget insulin metaphores. Forget "I am ill". If you see it as illness, chances are you will never accept "it's okay to be who I am". YOu will always see yourself as ill, broke brain....

Many of the things we do are not illness. If family has problem with us, it's often not because of our "illness", it's because we do things differently. You could be neurotypical and it would be still issue. Your career, your partners, where you live, how you cook, how you dress, the way you peel oranges...

You don't have to explain yourself to you. Education? I don't know, I always thought that "education your family and friends about your disorder" comes across as somewhat obnoxious. If you aren't doing anything bad, you have nothing to apologize for... if you hurt somebody, make up for that, don't "educate" them.
What I am saying... you yourself know if you cross the lines... if you done bad ****... lot can be forgiven. Made up for. If you are just different and troubled... it's nobody's business to judge you.

I think this is well put VenusHally. I'm not saying you (OP) are doing this, but when I try to put myself in my family's shoes, if I were to ask them to forgive and understand everything I've done up until now (I'm around your age) through the lens of bipolar, I don't think that would be fair to them. Over the years, I've had trouble in my relationships with immediate family (parents, brother), including being estranged for some time, that has little or nothing to do with the bipolar. There are historical family issues and psychological issues that are complicated. I can see my family not being at all supportive if I were to say now that all the difficulties of the past were due to bipolar. So much of what we do has little to do with bipolar (as VenusHally pointed out) -we are who we are apart from that, and much of this other stuff can't be fixed with medications.

If they want to research it on the Internet, that's up to them; if they're not doing that or are but it's not helping the relationship, then I wouldn't push it. If I were you, I'd try to work on your relationships with them as you would if you weren't diagnosed with bipolar. Easier said than done of course, but maybe a therapist could help, as it sounds very important to you to repair these relationships.

Good luck!

You never have to justify yourself to anyone.

You're looking for blessings from those outside yourself. Your greatest
rewards are going to come from within, so live by your deepest principles
and you'll be fine.

I think I've spent most of my life trying to please others, when all along, the answer lay within and with my own solid principles. You've got them,too, as almost everyone does. Just search for them within yourself.

[Victoria'smom]

I moved half way across the country. Now we visit 2x a year for about a week. It's really helpful. I text and FB them. I feel closer to my family now than I ever have.

My family doesn't believe in BP and feel anyone that walks in will be dx with BP. My family is also against ADHD and meds in general. I actually can not trust them to allow my child his meds. Then they will make negative comments about things he has difficulty with.

[porcelainchild]

I don't have much to say, but i do understand, i feel like the black sheep in the family and it sucks..

Hope you feel better soon..

[lisai51]

I'm pretty sure I must be the Black Sheep of my family. For some years things seemed pretty good between me and my older sister. Not perfect but fairly ok. But then her daughter took an instant dislike for me. I'd travel the hour or so to visit my elderly mother and my niece wouldn't speak a word to me. Throughout the years any time my niece was around she wouldn't even say "hi." I did try to converse with her at times but it was no use; she had no interest in talking with me at all. She just blatantly ignored me. I'll have to add to this message later. More years have passed and it's gotten done to the point where I've no relationship with my sister even. I'm almost all alone in this world. I feel angry but I also feel very sad. I could of had a pretty big family in my siblings, my sons but it has not turned out that way at all. Now I have just about no family. I only have my 2 sons and the 1 son I talk to over the phone; I don't actually get to see him since I moved away. I live in a neighboring state from him. However we are still close.

[CopperStar]

To me accepting reality in this context just means acting and thinking accordingly about the people involved. My mother is extremely oppositional. Left is right and up is down, if that's what it takes so she can talk down to people or tell them what to do or otherwise try to put others 'in their place'. The result for me is that I ignore most of what she says and don't take her very seriously.

I remember one time years ago (not even sure why this particular memory has stuck with me), I was making a grilled cheese sandwich, and she insisted that everything I was doing was wrong. She kept ordering me to adjust the stove flame setting, and it was always not enough (one way or the other), and I finally just started ignoring her. She'd tell me to adjust it, and I'd just ignore her and keep doing my thing. She finally shut up and was in a snit of a mood about it, but oh well. Then I enjoyed my sandwich. I guess the moral of the story is ignore annoying people and do what you've gotta do. Enjoy your sandwich.

[WibblyWobbly]

Fellow black sheep here I have a volatile mother. She has to control everything and while she accepts my diagnoses, she doesn't always believe that I am symptomatic when I am. When I'm depressed I'm lazy; when I'm manic I'm out of control. I have 3 other siblings (1 is my twin) and she adores them and showers them with affection. We've had problems outside of my bipolar too (when I was in PTSD crisis and learning to live with fibro), but it has almost entirely been bipolar-related in recent years. I actually think she loves me and the control freak in her just wants me to be normal and ok, but the way she deals with it is through screaming and name-calling.

The thing is, it's been going on for so long that I'm not searching for affection anymore, I'm just looking to end the screaming matches or periods of cold tension. So this is what my T told me a couple weeks ago: you can't change her. If you know that her behavior is unacceptable, tune her out. Send your mind to a "happy place." Don't let the situation escalate because there is no point. Keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself. Repeat to yourself, "I deserve to be respected." It will be very hard at first, but it should eventually become habit and you won't have the urge to engage in mind games.

We may never have the relationships that we want with our parents, so there's no point in continuing to feel miserable. Don't make it a life sentence.

[lovejoy91]

My heart goes out to you guys who feel this way. The only advice I can give is to be yourself, no matter what "they" say. You can not control them. You can only control yourself.

[lisai51]

I suppose you either live with your mother or are in close contact with you mother. I'm very sorry your mom treats you like this - it sounds like it would be painful. I feel badly for you. It sounds like you cope with this ill treatment from her as well as you possibly can. I sure hope things get less volatile for you.