I think I have bipolar, honestly I don't know

I know I need to go to the doctors but before I do I wanted to get other opinions.
I'll start at the beginning; when I was in year 4 I used to scrap my hands on the floor and hurt myself, pinching, pushing my eyes. Things like that. Self-harm has been something I have done a lot, I have also cut for several years but now it is burning myself. However, I have not had an incident in a few months.

I quite often get scared for no reason, angry and excited too. I also get these sexual visions, I'll be sat there and I start imagining the people around me doing sick and disgusting things. I've always loved sex, still, do and I would say I was rather promiscuous.

The reason I think I have bipolar is because my moods can just flip on the slightest of things and the smallest thing can bring me crashing down. I never seem to be just ok, I am either elated, ecstatic or the complete opposite, no energy, no lust for life. My sleeping ranges from 2 hours to 17. I have also noticed that on occasion I can get very very angry and this has only happened in the last year, I get an intense frustration from time to time where everything just makes me so annoyed and I want to punch it. I am also incredibly bad with money. I have maxed out 3 credit cards, lost inheritance. I also get this really intense sadness where I want to cry and feel like there is no hope and I just can't do anything right.

I don't feel suicidal anymore but have tried to commit several times.

I actually love being social however my best friend just moved away, my other has hurt my really badly and the other doesn't seem to make any effort and then on occasion I have thoughts about killing people and torturing them. I entertain the idea for an hour or two and then I feel guilty and disgusted.

I binge eat but never throw it up, I binge work out, I try and not eat but then over eat. I sometimes spend £30 on food when I really need the money elsewhere. I also have a tendency to steal things from shops, I've been doing that since about 9.

I think that's about it. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated

I highly recommend you go see a psychotherapist. There you'll be able to express your emotions. Talk to someone in your life too...
Please don't hurt yourself... And if you get the urge surround yourself with people who care about you.
I hope you begin to feel better soon

I think DaX11 said it best.
See someone for help, you can express all your thoughts and get a proper diagnoses.
There is no way we can say if you are bipolar or not.
Many MIs tend to overlap at some point and share symptoms.
Don't hurt yourself, seek help.
Best of luck.

You should definitely see a Psychiatrist to assess for Bipolar, since it may or may not be. There are other causes and diagnoses that overlap with these signs, so only a doctor can make that determination.

I'll definitely say that while these online tests can work as a guideline, there's a lot of room for error, and they do not take into consideration other factors and possibilities. No matter what the diagnosis is, I can definitely see therapy being beneficial (one that is a good fit for you) to help you work on these issues that are causing you a lot of distress. Best wishes.

I know all of that, but I can't always talk about things. People in my life think I am really open. I don't know how I would even start to tell a therapist all of this as well and I know it takes time but also what if this is just me and who I am? What if there is nothing wrong?

I should also mention I tried therapy and counseling a lot when I was younger and I could never find a person I could open up to or talk to and I know that is the point of therapy but I don't really want to or know how to talk about what is wrong. People think I am really open, outgoing and free but I am so awkward it is unreal. I hide so much its unreal

You seemed to open up to us pretty well. Maybe take what you've written down to a therapist. It's going to take some trust to get through.

Ah but what you forget is this is through a screen, cables and internet. It disconnects me from it, writing is easier

Hi,
So I did actually get to seeing someone and I have been diagnosed with BPD and honestly it makes so much sense. I am still waiting on therapy

I am glad you are getting a few answers. I will say, I do not have bpd, I have bp 1. That said, I have taken two complete DBT courses over the years and I now use DBT every single day. It is awesome, in my opinion. I am excited for you to maybe be getting into something possibly like that.

That's great that you got a diagnosis! Good luck getting therapy.

Yes. DBT was started for people with Borderline personality disorder.

Thank you Its really nice in a way to look back at this. Tbh I forgot I had this so seeing where I was at 3 years ago and now is interesting. Ah yes waiting on DBT but it is a bit of long wait but I am using stuff online to help me learn about it all. Looking to try going on different pills too as I don't really think antidepressants have had the intended effect. I mean yeah I am less depressed but my moods need to be stabilized! Really happy to hear DBT has worked well for you, I am looking forward to starting