[giddykitty]

I didn't sleep as much last night and I awoke and didn't want to go back to sleep. (I'm in the habit of forcing myself to keep to as strict as possible sleep/wake schedule) I went to bed late, but woke up "on time". I could have went back to sleep but didn't. I suddenly perked up though. Now, my face is fallen, but I'm mentally awake, even though I'm not 100percent sure of what I'm saying.

That being said, I wanted to try this experiement. I wanted to write a little bit while in this state and get some feedback. Not necessarily advice just...

what AM I doing??? Ok, this question sounds very familiar. Ok, a little backstory. I had a working relationship with someone online and we spoke daily via PMs and things were great at first, but then my excitement got the better of me. then my doubt got the better of me, which is the start of this paragraph. I'd start rambling on about something and then question it, outloud so to speak...

maybe this is all just my attempt to reach out to people, not really fully prepared to say something specific, just saying something, but I don't want to be rude either. Don't want to waste your time.

Do I sound crazy to you? Do I just sound sleep deprived? Am I hypomanic because normally I wouldn't send something so incoherent as this...or would I? have I? See, that is my test. I want to write this today and then compare it to something I write on another day)

If you've nothing to say to this, can I maybe just get a hug?
Well, thanks for reading!

[wildflowerchild25]

You don’t sound crazy, just like you want to talk to people but you have a lot of self doubt. You’re an interesting person and you shouldn’t put yourself down so much. We are here to listen!

[giddykitty]

Thank you.

I hate to say it but a part of me is doubting those words. I know it's just my negative state of mind though and that you're being sincere. I mean, at least I think so.

I'm getting irritable too today and I'm wondering if this isn't some part of the dysphoric part of hypomania...or some mixed episode because I'm crying so much. Today isn't so much a weird day as more of understanding, at least I think so. I spoke to my pdoc and that helped. Validating some of my thoughts and worries, just as you folks do. In my particular case, it helps though to have that person in real life.

I think that's why I get so weird. It's hard to think about making relationships online. It's hard to think that this is my primary source of emotional support. I mean, I have some family, but none of them seem to be able to give all I need. I need consistency.

But I was also feeling weird because of the lack of sleep. Well, it's not as bad as others have had it. It's just enough to where I struggle to make coherent thoughts or express myself properly. And the irony is that in those moments I just want to scream, notice me! Ya know? But of course, I should say it in a more toned down manner. Well, maybe I could scream in a place like this. Ha!

I'd like to keep this thread going as a record for myself. Today I feel better in the sense that I can make sense, I think. Make sense? :P But this is only for my weird days and replies because I already have a blog and the chat threads for the everyday stuff. Cool?

[*Laurie*]

Hi kitty, I am positive that Wildflower is being sincere.

Lack of sleep, in my experience, causes major problem with mental health.