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#201
I was a conscientious objector
When it came to team games. Or was it my confidence? Either way, I always Found a way to slink off. Hockey. Left the stick And went to vending machine. Oh wondered what Happened to you? Nah, no one ever did Say anything except Dad's perfume. You Are not scared To be a rebel. I went through a phase In first two years of High school. I do not Like these people So I won't be on anyones team. At football I chose To be the goal keeper. And nobody wants To be relegated as keeper. I volunteered as tribute. I just did not have The front to shout: Pass to me. Over here. If I knocked someone Over I would be like Oh god, i am so sorry Let me help you up. I did not have the Killer intinct for sport. And one girl, Said I reminded her of Darius, can you feel The love in the room Danesh. Calling me a flake. She did not know Why I reminded her I think she was Just used to saying What was on her mind. Youngest sister syndrome. I never had reasons To fight in primary. But as the pressure Mounted, from home And I learnt that I would get nowhere If I stayed a wishy washy liberal Sitting on the fence. I begun to change. Being a wall Flower for a short time Had brought me attention Instead of letting me be. Because I did not Seem to care that I had not seen My friends for weeks. I did martial arts. Watched tv with my parents. Did my homework. Played video games. And still spoke to People at school. I did not go to The youth cafe with My buddies who Were jilted anyway. I did not drink tia maria Every second weekend With them on streets If they could even afford it. Where did I get This self assuredness from? I did not have a boyfriend And I was not popular And I was clever But not exactly a prodigy. I was not really top, In anything at high school. The teachers just Knew I did not try Hard and still passed. And I was warned If I did not apply Myself that highers Would not come easy. They were right. But theres more Than one way To skin a cat. And when it comes To work, out there Outside of the class room I knew I was On the money. That balance between Knowing your stuff And knowing what Makes people tick, Can tip the scales In your favour. I have seen manipulation Tactics in all its guises. And I refused to Play the games. I witnessed them. Moving the goal posts At work, that was An interesting one. As if we were not All ready pushed for time. 10 to 15 mins for a client. No room for set backs Or acts of god, weather delay. Being two faced. The most common. I refused to play. They know how to Work the boss. To me that spelled A sook or a^s kisser. You act like a tough nut All the time said one, As I would not compromise And spilled the beans On the frosty atmosphere. Or another, goodness You can be blunt. And when I said Absent minded we agreed I was scatty. I Never Thought I was considered A tough nut. I thought They saw me as some, Socially awkward nerd Not an ignorant hard *** Who did not care What others perceived Them to be. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Nov 02, 2018 at 07:35 PM.. |
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MickeyCheeky
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#202
I did not leave
The company because Of turbo shandy. I left because I Had bills to pay And not having A fixed contract Was a worry for me. When I spoke About trying for A different company, My Grandad said That he did not Like the sound of The one I was with From what me and Fred divulged on. So that was enough To spur me to Try and jump ship. As I was used To my own devices With employment since My month in rehab at 18. So if Grandad was concerned Then what did I Have to lose. I had a thick skin now, So when hiccups Happened like a Pad coming loose Or forgetting to put Someones hearing aid in Until lunch time, Or not noticing A house had an hour and a half And not just one and I busted my gut to Get it done quick and They still complaine D. I took it on the chin. |
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#203
So Someone seen
Me taking paracetamol In the staff room. I was training With the British Olympic Team! How On earth would I get past the doping Screening if I were On medication that Altered brain chemistry? Medication that improves Your physical functioning, Would without a doubt Be classified as cheating. Always flying? I guess That was a taste Of my own alternate medicine. Self destructive behaviour In teenagers is not Really that uncommon. So where does growing Pains end and the Illness begins is difficult To others even Those in mental health. From knowing in your Head to then getting It on paper and then To somehow get that Right moment for The words to form on Your tongue and leave Your lips, takes years. Years of healing. Years of soul searching. Years of sweat and tears. And luck to have Survived in the first place. |
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MickeyCheeky
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#204
New partner? No
We were only friends. She was a self-confessed- Butch and that is Not my type. What so ever. |
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#205
When are you
Doing your nursing. Sorry. Remember that Every single person Is an individual When you study the NMC code. I am sure you will Be a good and attentive Nurse. And it was nice Of you to challenge en-vogue, In my defence. It was very helpful, And it shows you Have the empathy And the intelligence, For the caring profession. Thanks. Bye. Go for it. |
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#206
In essence, I could
Have returned to my family After the three months. I could have ignored The advice from The trained professionals And tak tik toed, Back to my family. But I swallowed my pride. I know that it Would have been awkward For everyone, having Me around and the Dust has not really Ever settled. And Mum was not In a good place After her dad, my grandad Had passed away. The doctors would have Let me go in 6 to 8 Weeks and not Harbour me longer Than they needed. David would have Been ok truth be told It was me who Tried to dig up dead wood With him, but my Life was in ruins. And I was too old To blame my parents now Was the way he saw it. So I got a weekend pass, Hoping that my parents Would see sense and Let me stay at theirs. But they said sorry No room at the inn. There is only Grans. And in my head I was screaming. I can't. I can't. Anywhere. Anywhere but there. A doctor and nurse Said if anything happens We are here around The clock. Ok, I nodded. I huddled in the spare room. Gran was calm and Cordial enough. I Had a bath. Had tea. Flitted to the kitchen, Only when I had to. I kept being woken Up through the night Because my alcoholic gran Kept running past, Back and forth To the bathroom With her alcohol induced Gastroenteritis. So In the small hours I hopped on my bike, And listened to The advice or foresight As it may have been. I felt I was just tossed Into the only free Space available that Was my Grans house. So I did feel unwelcome And unwnanted by them. It did not take a professional To foresee that I would never get a Chance to recover, Under the same roof As an alcoholic, still in Bereavement. And After they found Out how I was treated The time before, They told me there Are other options. I DID have a choice. I could choose not To put myself in jeopardy, And accept help. We are here to help you. Nobody gets thrown On the streets, trust us. I went back to Collect some clothes A few day's later. My mum sealed it For me when she Fashioned up a scene That was obviously a set up. My gran was sitting In the middle of The kitchen, away from The kitchen table And mum was behind her. Pointed at the doorway. I knew right away They were waiting For me. And when I Came in the door, The room I needed Was opposite the kitchen My mum folded her arms And said "YOU! Child!" "Look how upset Your Gran is. " And on cue Gran burst into crocodile tears. "It's a Coincidence that Gran started hiding the Bottles when you came. You drove her to drink." My mum was harsh With words at best of times, Speaking without thinking. But THIS accusation? I never expected it. I know losing Grandad Would be hard but, This was inexcusable. My Gran had been a user For decades and was Always a drinker. This broke my heart. I took her to bingo, And the vets and shopping. So I dashed round The spare room For what I needed and Left the key. Click. Here's my key. I do not need anything else. And all I got was My gran pretending to Wipe a tear and my Mum narrowing her Eyes at me. The same green, Cat shaped eyes, I had inherited. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Nov 08, 2018 at 10:53 AM.. |
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#207
Tust us. You need
A rain check. Look, Your plan is far Too risky in your Condition. Speak to The social workers. Me:"So what happens now? I have nowhere to go then?" That is why you Need to speak to The social workers. And a tear escaped When I sat down. Ok, it is better this way I know it is hard to start, And I feel for your situation. Now pull yourself together. They are not the enemy. Quit giving us attitude, We want to help. Me: "Ok, I apologise but My life is ..in shambles." Tell the social worker. I will get them booked To see you. You were barely in The land of the living When you arrived. Granted I have seen worse. But you are still In bad shape. You need TIME, To sort your life out. We are clear now. When the door slides Shut, I hope I get Down the corridor Without anyone seeing I had tears in my eyes. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Nov 08, 2018 at 11:39 AM.. |
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#208
Sorry to both of you
For my abhorrent attitude During my stay. I just want to say I had not seen much Kindness in my life Between my first admission And that one. I apologise profusely Because Von D was right, My comments were Not acceptable and were Not a reflection on you But my coping mechanism. I was wrong and would Not have said any Of them If I wasn't So messed up. I know you understand, But I want to say sorry regardless. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Nov 08, 2018 at 12:07 PM.. |
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MickeyCheeky
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#209
((((Balthascar810))))
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#210
The only other time
Or place I will see My blood father is When we both Go to hell. So that means never. If I learnt one Thing from that Temporary stay at My Grans, mums mum. Is that you tormented Me at the wedding Where I was caught On camera throwing A bit of a wobbler. It was your ....fathers fault. My Gran said. The ellipsis Where the word got, Stuck in her throat. You were never a dad. The prime reason I will never exchange One more word with You is what do you think? What did my mum Finally confess to me When both my real Grandparents had passed? You did not come and see Me being born. There Was nothing or nobody Stopping you. So For that reason alone My mum had reason To divorce you. I had reasons to Not come to the funeral. I might not be at yours. I will lay flowers, Away from prying eyes. I will visit your grave. But I cannot come To your funeral. Sorry your life did Not turn out the Way you wanted. But how many people's Lives do!? You wanted a Boy but got a girl. You never wanted To leave the army. You never wanted My mum to leave. Will I shed your name? I am undecided. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Nov 08, 2018 at 05:22 PM.. Reason: Forgot title |
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#211
You left mt father.
You escaped so why Did you have to Poison my grandparents Against me. I Was a young girl who Should have been Living life. But nothing I did would ever Change the fact That I was the product Of a life you Wanted to forget about. Last week you said After a tv programme That you would Turn the clock back And not get married Either. You would check The obituaries everyweek To see if he was dead. |
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#212
Sorry for not being
That nice to you. I just opened the door And shut it in Your face. So you Posted the card Through the door. I think you would Be an amazing friend. I was too shy for Boyfriends at the time But that was not A valid excuse. Do you fancy getting Back behind the bar Ark? And I rolled my eyes. You were a genuinely Nice guy with A good heart. I Always fell for The bad boys. |
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#213
I wanted the
Relationship to end. I kissed someone else. When his friends Told me about angel fish. I suspected it was prestige. |
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#214
Avoiding my till?
No I thought everyone Knew I had been committed For a month. Hows team mate? In the chemist. You were making Converstion and I Thought nobody cares What I do now Or what I am doing. Avoiding the subject Was the best way. I met lip in smiths. And they said At least your Out of there and I appreciated the honesty. Goodbye. |
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#215
In the pub.
Do not count on The withdrawal method. Pink helly hanson. Your a snob Never spoke at the Burger van. And Fred said she is Forcing that. She Never spoke to Us either. She Is just faking it Till she makes it. I don't blame her. Had to go and Get morning after. And they see me In waiting room And they lift up The mobile and Fingers fly accross it. Then FRED gets a Text on way home. I am fuming. My parents asked FRED. So I post it All over my facebook. Fuk you Jeremy Kyle. Takes one to know one. |
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#216
Jer had been invited
To a party by her work pal. We were only 15. She said we better Not all crash it, They said take A couple of friends. So me and Lucy Got chosen to be Her partners in crime. I think because we Were both reserved And I was precocious Around new people. I had On my favourite Top shop jeans And a black vest top. Me and Lucy spent The night being Kitchen wall flowers. While Jer danced On the table top To baby got back by Sir mix a lot. You know the one, it starts: I like big butts And I cannot lie... And I got told By the hostess That I was not drunk enough After I called it quits. After three or four alcopops. It was one of my First house parties And I bought the Indie rock rock album I discovered on the hifi. It was catchier Than some of the Bands that the Neb gang listened to. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Nov 11, 2018 at 12:40 PM.. |
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#217
We went out to
The club just underage. And the gorillaz Came on and We were on the Dance floor and The lyrics open With: it's coming up, It's coming up, It's coming up; it's dare. And they did Impressions of something Else coming up With their fingers. And I decided To go and get A shot at the bar. I'm not with them. They put their Handbags down and Danced in circles Like we did at Birthdays in the house. And I said to A girl at college My pals are wild, I just want the ground To swallow me up. And they went Mad at me because We got thrown Out of one pub Because I stole The barmans foot lollipop. I learnt my lesson. They make me feel That it is ME who Does not know how To behave from That one time. You were nowhere Near as bad as them When I saw you, The lassie assured me. Yeah well they go Out in secret without Me cause I am Supposedly a drag For not dancing The whole night Or wanting to pull. Jer physically pulled Me away from Two guys I knew Because she thinks Everyone is like her And I was flirting. But I was speaking With them as I knew them as acquaintances. And had a few shots. And me friend said Do you have on beer goggles? I told her that, Maybe I wanted To be single and Concentrate on my sport. I can go out And have fun Without needing to "pull." Last edited by Anonymous32895; Nov 11, 2018 at 12:42 PM.. |
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#218
I have never been "fraped"
But what do you call It when someone posts A really bad drunken Mugshot of you on Facebook? |
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#219
My boss more or less
Said that she is Permitted to feel No guilt for complaining When my work is Not perfect because They are my: "Bread and butter." My livelihood. Like Do it right or I will starve. |
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#220
A deep deep depression.
I should have asked, But I had my own secret. It was just one of those Nights, we were all tired. You must have felt your Brave disclosure was ignored. The whole year and I did not see an opening To speak about my pain. I did not get the Buddhist story. Like You did not get my That is just stupid. It is actually a legit Survical instinct. I Was a bit embarrassed About working two Jobs, one cleaning. That was a reason As well as my history. |
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