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Old 08-03-2018, 09:22 AM #21
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Default Psychiatric care is not like prison now

Can you imagine the constraints I was under when the solution to an argument was : I'm going to phone your mum and dad. We will all sit down and have a meeting. You won't leave. You will end up locked back up in the hospital.
Of course I would say I am not a child. And Freds other favourite argument closure was : come on hit me then, hit me he'd say spitting through his teeth.
I tried to slap him for calling me a s^ut once when he was drunk but he caught my hand and tripped me onto the floor. I didn't cheat I must add, I never cheated on Fred. He was just drunk. I would have felt no satisfaction if it did connect and I'm glad he stopped it.
And the hospital is not prison. The entrance door isn't always locked where I was. There are cameras so it's open mostly during the day. There is only one room with a working lock. And the door is locked to prevent people from committing suicide when they are a danger to themselves. Its only locked when the staff feel a particar patient is suicidal. And violent people go to a high security hospital. Where the line between illness and criminal intent blur.
Prison is punishment and to stop criminals hurting others in the future. It should be about rehabilitation in an ideal world too. But psych wards are not prison. Of course there are rules and routine for food and lights go out. But it's supposed to be somewhere a person can relax and get better and get help and medical treatment. A place for some that is safe and space to escape the stresses while un-well. Without the medication not many would get out. Thorazine was introduced back in the 1950s. It was a break through But from what I can gather through reading, the newer drugs only got approved in the 1990's. But please correct me forum users. My first breakdown was 2005. So would it be safe to say that psychiatric drugs are in their infancy still?

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Old 08-03-2018, 09:47 AM #22
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Default Real life

Fred had it easy staying at home. He could do what he wanted, go out all the time, have two or three holidays
and have his sports car. He had no savings whatsoever and lived moment to moment.
So when we moved, it was going to take time to get the rainy day funds built up. And we had been working on the house till the small hours and all weekend.
Fred started acting strange every night when we got home from work. He was tired and hostile.
When shopping after work he lost his temper when someone was taking time to decide and we were waiting to get in the same spot. I said calm down. And he squeezed my arm really hard and told the woman she was holding him up, some people have places to be, what game is she playing at.
You get the picture.
One week he kept saying to me remember who wears the trousers and pulls the strings. And I would say right I'll.make tea. And he would say I'll decide. Okay whatever you like. I'll decide he would repeat. He kept saying I'll decide. I'll decide. And I gave up speaking to him till he was reasonable. I make the rules he would.say. Remember I take care of you.
Then few months in he waited till we got in the house and said : you give me the life of dog. But I thought you take care of me ? I'd say. And I told him I don't stop him doing anything it was the other way around!
He was just angry because this was the real world now. Bills to pay and a house to keep. The flat we were going to rent was exactly the same monthly as this house. Nothing comes easy without commitment and sacrifice sometimes.
He stopped me from going to a friend birthday party because I needed a costume and he said we need the money for the house and I just relented and everything revolved around him. He had first and final say on everything .
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Old 08-03-2018, 01:29 PM #23
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Default Poles apart

Cool runnings. Ran when I should have walked. I am no harlequin. But I don't like being wrong. I was still only 18. You were only interested in yourself. I wasn't feeling up to it, seeing I was awake coughing days on end. But it was ME who would be selfish for not going when it was planned and the weather was right for it. Why couldn't I have someone in my life that asked what I would like for a change??
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Old 08-04-2018, 05:44 AM #24
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Default Sky tv

At least Fred came from a large family so going home for lunch wasn't a big deal. But my brother got enough money for everyday. Enough to smoke. Enough to buy chip shop every other day. I am amazed that my parents payed the fees for my sport.
A friend of mine thought that because we had sky tv that we were spoiled. Fred could say he had a large family. But mine had no excuses. My mum tried to coax me into first and seconds, a second hand shop on a trip to nearest city. Yes, I know there are kids in poverty. And kids in care. But if you feel neglected compared to all the kids around you, then of course depression creeps in. If you feel like a black sheep and you know that you only feel ostracized because of money. But there is more to this equation, there has to be. I thought I know my mum hates my father, and my brother was her favourite. My brother got money when he asked from my mum. And a phone contract. My mum shopped for him all the time and told me boys need more. So that was it: boys need more. I couldnt change that view. I didn't believe it but she said it over and over.
I didn't have the confidence to fight for a Saturday job or weekdays in chip shop etc. And going to my father's was a good excuse to NOT apply myself to find a job. I did apply for jobs. But nobody takes on someone who is shy unless for example they are family or a friends kid really. And pretending only works for so long. I did get offered a job but I knew one of the girls would probably not make life easy for me. Two girls who are friends I stood no chance. Maybe they would have been ok and it was just my self-doubt. I should have tried in hindsight. They were the normal ones. It was my thinking and not them. I was a bag of nerves. A crowded coffee shop, I'm not sure I could have done it. One day a week, maybe.

Even when I started working at 17 thankfully I got a shelf stacking job and didn't work on tills.
Technically I started working at 15 in the gym. Got paid for it at 16. So it was worth hanging on. And that really helped me to keep off the streets. And then I destroyed it all anyway.
The depression and self esteem I struggled with, just resulted in me being called lazy. My father, thug coach, some teachers. And obviously my mother. My friends just thought I was odd. Funny and clever, yes. But odd. I found it hard to relax. My friends didn't want to so anything I told my team mate and my work mate. The truth was we didn't have a lot of expendable income. Most of us didn't.
My second boss at supermarket would sometimes find it amusing that I never stayed still . Other times a bit frustrated. What's up. Just chilling.
When I had a blip at my longest running job. I told the boss when I had a mini melt down that I don't get the chance to chill. And I had to take about 8 weeks off.
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Old 08-05-2018, 05:14 AM #25
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Default Pepper spray

I stopped listening to my parents advice. A pinch of salt with everything.
I said leave him alone, your older than me, picking on someone half your age!
So the coward came back with a small troupe. They just pushed me on the grass verge. And pushed me around.
So I knew martial arts did not "bully proof" young kids.
But its much more than just self defence. Confidence is there lets get that one out of the way. Sense of achievement as you progress to next level. Mental fitness as well as physical shape. Respect for others and discipline.
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Old 08-05-2018, 02:05 PM #26
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Default Re: Sky tv

Quote:
Originally Posted by Balthascar810 View Post
At least Fred came from a large family so going home for lunch wasn't a big deal. But my brother got enough money for everyday. Enough to smoke. Enough to buy chip shop every other day. I am amazed that my parents payed the fees for my sport.
A friend of mine thought that because we had sky tv that we were spoiled. Fred could say he had a large family. But mine had no excuses. My mum tried to coax me into first and seconds, a second hand shop on a trip to nearest city. Yes, I know there are kids in poverty. And kids in care. But if you feel neglected compared to all the kids around you, then of course depression creeps in. If you feel like a black sheep and you know that you only feel ostracized because of money. But there is more to this equation, there has to be. I thought I know my mum hates my father, and my brother was her favourite. My brother got money when he asked from my mum. And a phone contract. My mum shopped for him all the time and told me boys need more. So that was it: boys need more. I couldnt change that view. I didn't believe it but she said it over and over.
I didn't have the confidence to fight for a Saturday job or weekdays in chip shop etc. And going to my father's was a good excuse to NOT apply myself to find a job. I did apply for jobs. But nobody takes on someone who is shy unless for example they are family or a friends kid really. And pretending only works for so long. I did get offered a job but I knew one of the girls would probably not make life easy for me. Two girls who are friends I stood no chance. Maybe they would have been ok and it was just my self-doubt. I should have tried in hindsight. They were the normal ones. It was my thinking and not them. I was a bag of nerves. A crowded coffee shop, I'm not sure I could have done it. One day a week, maybe.

Even when I started working at 17 thankfully I got a shelf stacking job and didn't work on tills.
Technically I started working at 15 in the gym. Got paid for it at 16. So it was worth hanging on. And that really helped me to keep off the streets. And then I destroyed it all anyway.
The depression and self esteem I struggled with, just resulted in me being called lazy. My father, thug coach, some teachers. And obviously my mother. My friends just thought I was odd. Funny and clever, yes. But odd. I found it hard to relax. My friends didn't want to so anything I told my team mate and my work mate. The truth was we didn't have a lot of expendable income. Most of us didn't.
My second boss at supermarket would sometimes find it amusing that I never stayed still . Other times a bit frustrated. What's up. Just chilling.
When I had a blip at my longest running job. I told the boss when I had a mini melt down that I don't get the chance to chill. And I had to take about 8 weeks off.
My friends never wanted to do anything, I would complain. But what was there to do in a town ? A lot of teens grow out of playing football and boxing/karate etc. And we didn't have money to burn. I wasn't one to chase down kicks. My parents were pathologically strict. I didn't drink on the streets and I didn't want to.
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Old 08-05-2018, 03:25 PM #27
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Default The start of our lives together

When Fred and I took the plunge, it felt like the right thing to do. We were definitely set to rent some where and had some options.
He was stressed by the move. Every spare minute was spent on the place. And he got a bee in his bonnet when his parents kept asking him when would he be moving in. They weren't pushing him out the door but it was coming up for two months. And when Fred came in from work nobody was safe if he happened to be in foul mood.
When we both moved to our pad, the start of our lives together, there was no honey moon phase. But it was better after an up and down few years. It looked on the outside that we had settled our differences, broke away from wild youth and had a future together.
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Old 08-06-2018, 08:03 AM #28
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Default Desperate times call for...The doctor

It was a real relationship. And Fred Keeping my feet on the ground is a blessing in disguise. I was lucky after the overdose I took that the doctor switched me right away onto the perfect medication for me. And when I had to go for follow ups some staff I recognised went past and asked if I was ok.
The doctors aren't gods. They are incredibly intelligent. I had no idea what psychiatric treatment involved. It was unnecessary to try and prove a point. But then again, I needed time away and I could not have went home.
And when In hospital at 18 I did go out with mum for lunch all the time. And it was more David that was pushing for a diagnosis. If you are getting treated with medication then a person is going to question what is treating. But most parents would have prayed that it was a stress induced episode. Not mine though. They were conflicted. They'd rather I would get better but if worst came to worst they couldn't afford to take the blame. And it was the easy way out if all the eggs went to my basket.
I apologise for nit picking with doctor. I guess it felt worse to me because this was my life! And looking at the big picture, I was one of the lucky ones.
Your the type that sees your body as a temple said the doctor. I had no interest in drugs and alcohol was a social thing for me. Through the thick and thin. True. We can call it a blip. Nipped in the bud.
I'm on good terms with family now. We have our own normal.
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:02 AM #29
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Default Get a life, get a grip

Good luck. You said I was autistic to my face. I had every Right to say good luck staying away from drugs. The only reason you were moving was to do drugs. Lo and behold I was bang on the money. I know social media was not the place. And I deleted my comment. I hated drugs. I hated Jeremy Kyle. Why on earth cause a spat online? But you were the only one of my old friends that I left an unsavoury comment about.
And I will be brutally honest; I did have too much time one my hands. And my inhibitions were not quite recalibrated. But why don't YOU be honest and admit that I may have made you question your motives for flitting to the city. Maybe I cared more than others around you did.
You may have came the bag and crossed the line calling me autistic (not even aspergers syndrome) but we were friends at high school. Maybe I did care ?
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:27 AM #30
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Default Tom you are magic

We were just too different to have been friends. I did get a bit down that my friends didn't want to do anything. But I wouldn't have fitted into your crowd. And I never had your freedom. If my wall hadn't happened I would have been happy with the friends I had. But maybe not? I was supposed to have gone to university. I would have travelled for my career. And I wouldn't have given you or washing powder a second thought. So I apologise for any grief I caused on your page. And I'm sad to hear you think your life went wrong somewhere and that you need to look at things from a different perspective and hopefully make it right.
I'll be honest meeting you was the best part of my work at the supermarket ! I thought you were ace and fun. I got you. I remember dropping the box of flowers trying to fit the last one on and you were like that's being too adventurous. I was made fun of at my club for working there. I would have "jacked" the job if you were not there. And thank Christ my escapades was there at supermarket.
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