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#381
I would rather have been
Called a junk head Than sick, forever sick. Some drunk at the pub Said some conspiracy theory. The health care professionals Were optimistic about my recovery. I had responded so well To the zyprexa, I was allowed Home in a short 28 days. It pains me to say I need my tablet For the foreseeable future. But my ol'dear and ol'man Put it in the worst possible terms. Sick in the head is reserved, For criminals and molesters. Something wrong with them, Also sounds like a criminal illness. A mood disorder is not a sickness. Throwing the word sick around, I just wanted to jump out the window. Please use a better word or phrase. A more accurate turn of phrase Such as you need to rest. Day by day. But my parents were never subtle. The doctor did treat me like an individual. For some reason I only asked them Am I not allowed to get angry on My own accord now.... I stopped before saying My reactions were a sickness now. Because it was the people around me Who were ignorant, Obviously the doctor was not. I could have asked them Much more questions. But I was young and just Wanted to move on with life. The worst had passed and I was stable on my tablet. You have more colour In your cheeks also, That is a good sign. They said. They never told me I might Need the tablet for the foreseeable future. Well, they did say stick to the Orders on the guidelines on the tablet Box and the instructions. I was intelligent so they felt No need to hammer home: Take the tablet, take the tablet And do not stop without consultation. They seem hesitant to give orders. They were not a drill sergeant. Nobody should go against, Their doctors advice. But the tablets don't come Without some side effects. Aside from the weight gain, There is drowsiness at the start. But I would say to anyone To persevere as it's worth it, If they are in my boat only though. One I would refuse point blank. Ahem the dreaded, last resort. Clozopine. A second opinion can be requested If their is some doubt and another Doctor can give their opinion. I have never needed to but I understand they are human. On the label it says in block capitals - Do not stop without consulting a doctor. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Feb 26, 2019 at 08:20 AM.. |
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#382
Sometimes I got the impression
That Fred truly believed himself When he joked: A man of my calibre Who has high principles. He is so lucky he never Got pulled up by the law For more than an illegal number plate. I don't overly mind anyone who Take Recreational drugs in their Home or at a friend's house Such as having a smoke, as Nobody dies from getting stoned. But when you strike someone On the back of the head Or brag about breaking bones I would have said Fred Deserved to be fined and cautioned. The man should have pressed charges. Fred attacked him for one reason: To prove he was a hard man. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Feb 26, 2019 at 01:26 PM.. |
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#383
I did not say Charlie bucket.
I would never make Fun of anyone for being poor. Neither of us were poor. Ever. Fred made on like he Was "hard done by." When I put up with Much worse cr^p from My family than he did. He practically did What he wanted. His parents never made Him get a job. He was from a Big family so to Get his expensive Mountain bikes that He built, he had to work. They were thousands a piece. He was more a Pro active person. He liked music but Had no keen interest in computers. He took the lyrics To a 30 seconds to mars song As being gothic and morbid Because a chorus Included bury me, bury me. If I am being a stickler It does not literally Mean bury me alive in a coffin. He tried to ban me From listening to a 30 Seconds to Mars album. I went ahead and bought Enter Shikari, Afi, Stone Sour And Avenged Sevenfold. |
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#384
I could have afforded shoes.
I did buy shoes from the source In the end but I quit soon after. He actually bullied me. I was never bullied at school So I would be damned Before I accepted it anywhere else. He waited until he spotted Some more well connected parents And he decided to say: If you cannot afford shoes From me try.... For a whole 15pound difference. Like it was worth it. They were over 20 years his jr. I was paying my parents digs Amongst many other things. I was a teenager for one A school age teen. My parents were self centred. I got more than enough and I won't complain about my lot. It made me a responsible adult... After my wild phase at least. It was me who suggested sponsorship Or they would never Have pulled their finger out. But I was just out spoken And saying the blatantly obvious. I never went out of my way. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Feb 26, 2019 at 04:13 PM.. |
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#385
It was a good job he never got rumbled.
A prestigious school could not Have afforded that kind of publicity. Me and my team mates would Not have got a taste of the spot light If they had been caught. But he paraded in broad day light. I don't regret the time I spent At the gym. I never did it for My absent father. Please give Me some credit. I did it So I had somewhere to go Apart from the cold streets. My parents were uber strict. My bro played pool at the pub With his grandparents there As well as his golf. He got Freedom I did not and of course I resented my parents for it. They never had faith in me. But the self destructive behaviour Was because I did feel The world was against me. I just did not know my place And what I was good at Or where I was going. |
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#386
It was a just a shop job
I never planned to Set down roots. The tills bored me And small talk Was never natural to me. So I cut a corner As did my colleague my age. Not all the time. Probably when I Had to serve a customer Or speaking to someone. The manager really Did not have to Turn it into a life lesson A teenage me thought. Be a manager here? My colleague would Have suited it. I had other plans. The underlying message Was that we needed To believe in ourselves. He knew we were not lazy. My coach most likely Told him I was. At my longest job, Hiding out the Back and not having To face the public Was a bit of a reprieve When your confidence Had been shattered. Like a piece of you Is missing and you Cannot find it. And I was running Out of options. Trying to find work Where nobody knew me. So I was on a quest. I saved my energy And read more than I ever did at school. Novel after novel. Crime, romance, memoirs, Classics, fiction. I touched on sci-fi. But not horror. I'd seen enough movies. I watched horror. Never read. It's hard to find A good horror film. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Feb 26, 2019 at 05:14 PM.. |
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#387
I have nothing to prove.
The only person who Would be a thrush Is scrooge. So I am Going to hold out And do art after summer. I never thought I would Get the opportunity to Do what I enjoyed in my life. Especially after hospital. There is not much Else scrooge can brand me So I am not going To bust my gut When it's a losing battle. The damage is done. |
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#388
I thought I had some trouble
With authority figures due To my strict up bringing. But it was the ones in my life. I respected the armed forces Since I looked up to my Grandad. And the Police are on equal footing With other emergency services. I would not sneer at a fireman or a paramedic. So when Fred had this Chip on his shoulder It made no sense to me. He slated the armed forces And the Police force And my sport. At work a young bloke Came in and he Said he worked in a warehouse But he used to be in the army. I was a bit rude afterwards And said he did not Have to say he was in The army as he's not anymore. One of my colleagues Said I had the air of a soldier When I first began. |
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#389
I knew that university
Was not best for some. I would much rather Have secured an admin Apprenticeship or office junior role. I just did not know where To look since my ol'mum Lied to the local authorities That was off my list From the very start. I said that out of 200 people On your course only About 20 will get the Job they set their sights on. And obviously that it Cost money for more Than just the yearly Course fees and books. Another four years In uncertain education Cast a seed of doubt In my mind. I know The teachers pushed Me to carry on and I was not simply rebelling Thinking I was cool. I did not want To owe my parents. They would not have Helped me. They tried To steer me to the Armed Forces my whole childhood. I cannot see you With a gun. No it was not me. I was more or less A conscientious objector. I was an artist. I was anti-war. I disliked everything About that life style. Being posted with no objection? I wanted a degree of freedom That I never had as a kid. It is normal to want choice. To choose your own destiny. I wanted to choose my own path. Last edited by Anonymous32895; Feb 28, 2019 at 12:50 PM.. |
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#390
I could not wrap my head
Around my parents. They were dying to Get rid of an academically Inclined kid who was A good kid and was Never in real trouble. I just spoke my mind. I was afraid to breathe Too loudly when around them And I was not granted More freedom by Gaining their trust Like how it's Supposed to work. It was their way Or the highway. No negotiating. Nothing. I got no praise or no rewards. I surmised if I wanted Something I would Need to get it myself When I was old enough. As much as I loved My Grand parents they Were very pious And rule driven. I was not scared Of them like I Was with my parents. I just knew I had To be quiet and Follow their ways and routine. My Gran would speak About dancing but I Found it hard to picture Her young and care free. She did not smile much In the days we knew her. My Grand father was A pilots made and Rode a motorbike. He seemed a free spirit Back in his youth. My Gran said he Was good as a salesman Because he could Spin a yarn. I can see That being very true. |
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#391
So the ol'man was always
On a knife edge. He thought that an Intelligent person equals A geeky wimp or "drip." But I had a temper Like everyone else In my family and nobody Ever bullied me. That's just so stereotypical. So he always said, With no grounds That I needed a Mind of my own. I knew how To use my Brain! He would say Because I was shy I would be easily led. Not true either. I overcame the shyness. I knew how to Stand up for myself. I was hot headed But not on my Ol'mums scale, steady. Maybe it was his Fault I had this Independent streak and I swore I would Not be used as a door mat. Be a lap dog. Not me. So my sport After school was A saving grace. I felt I needed To prove myself. |
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#392
Hand stand. I Will
Give you that. Eye drops could I Have not stayed at grannies For a few days ? |
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#393
Creamy white delight,
Hovis bread for Bread and butter dessert Problem solved. |
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#394
I did feel like I had
No one to speak to. Fred would trounce My feelings everytime. Instead of listening Or validating or agreeing With anything, he would Say I had nothing To complain about And his mum Had a terminal condition And was living On borrowed time. So I went onto A forum to talk. I did not need A therapist to speak to, I just needed a pal Who I could not Just joke to but Talk about serious things. But I had grown apart From my pals. The elephant ruined Those connections. I could go out To the pubs and Have a laugh and Drink and dance But a shoulder To cry on or someone To speak to? |
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