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Default Oct 07, 2018 at 04:03 PM
  #41
When I was first diagnosed about 14 years ago, I was told I had manic depression. My first response was "I don't know what that is." Frankly, I didn't know what the term bipolar disorder was either. The psychiatrist said he was taking me off Lexapro and wanted me to start Lamictal. I basically said I wasn't interested. He gave me a pamphlet about bipolar disorder on my way out, which I soon threw away. I didn't tell my husband about that. I immediately quit seeing that psychiatrist and going to his group therapy. I only returned to him about one year later after a major event. He hospitalized me the next day. I pretty much accepted the diagnosis at that time.

What positive has come from your bipolar disorder?
 

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Default Oct 07, 2018 at 08:19 PM
  #42
Everything. It justifies every wrong I do. "Bipolar made me do it".
Before, I was on my own.

Do you gamble?.

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Default Oct 08, 2018 at 05:48 AM
  #43
ocasionally. I do enjoy betting on the horse racing best.

are you content in your current life situation?
 
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 03:51 AM
  #44
no not at all. I think my life is a big waste

what is your best clean joke
 
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 08:11 AM
  #45
I can be humorous, but am not really a joke teller. My humor is more along the lines of a humorous statement Carrie Fisher once made:

"My moods don't just swing - They bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate, and occasionally pirouette."

Describe a fun day or moment when hypomanic or manic.
 
 
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 08:35 AM
  #46
Quote:
Originally Posted by beauflow View Post
I am controversial, I use marijuana and CBD a lot. If the sativa is too strong I get more manic like, if the indica and I am already depressed I can get worse. I avoid indica these days.
A hybrid is great and CBD has helped me so much, then THC-a has too. I take a combination of thc and CBd in a gummy in the mornings which has helped me out a lot, but I am still on my journey. I still do what I do .. going without marijuana to prove something, i get bad and have issues getting back.

I've tried various herbal teas, kava, meditation, acupuncture aromatherapy. Outside nature, therapy, art, journals...
I want to do acupuncture again, that I felt helped with stress.
The aromatherapy therapy has been helping me lately too... but not as much.
I've been trying so many things over time, I have trouble accepting this Dx and times...I took meds I felt worse. sometimes i realize that i'm grasping at the same things, like the tea and it hits me- "I've been here before haven't i? What time of the year is it again?".
Idk maybe I am not bipolar but keep getting dx with it.


Do you exercise regularly? If so what helps Keep your routine?
What you said "I have trouble accepting this Dx and times...I took meds I felt worse. sometimes i realize that i'm grasping at the same things, like the tea and it hits me- "I've been here before haven't i? What time of the year is it again?"."

I was diagnosied in 2002 severly depressed hospitalized didnt eat for a week cried and couldnt talk to anyone was put on litium and wellbutrin after i was stable on lithium. Then after my kids i was on just a maintenance dose of lamictol then went off that wen i was having fatigue and my vision got blurry without asking a doctor because we moved around quite a bit in that time period. I just spent 10 waisted years off meds thinking it was something else- convinced! I have been to 3 different general practitioners looking for the cause of my episodes of fatigue and depression refused to go on a mood stabalizer. tested for autoimmune, MS, Cancer, Sleep disorders, connective tissue, allergies.Tried every diet protocol under the sun grain free, paleo, scd, juicing, then back on grain vegan, cbd oil and THC oil (legal in WA state where i used to live) in my tea at night, kava, herbal supplements, st johns wort. Must have blown at least 2K on supplements alone trying each one methodologically journal ling how it effected me.

Then this major episode of severe depression hit - and I feel l ike i felt back in 2002 and I cant believe I forgot how this felt and how i am and its actually so horrible its helping me see clearly- I think in hindsight I was having hypomanic and mild depression states and I was addicted to the hypomania and kept trying to get back there but now that I feel like this again i realize I ahvent been normal since I was on a mood stabalizer and I remember normal but not what it felt like. However I was sos much more functional I'll take normal over hypomanic any day. None of the homeopathy and nature hikes and pot none of that helped. Nicotine helps my fatigue but its so temporary i get maybe a 30 min boost of focus for 2mg lozenge.

I was so convinced it was Bipolar but now I look back on it an i was only able to hold a job and go to school the times i was on a mood stabalizer. Now im at square 1 with a new therapist and unless i want to be hospitalized she can only see me 1x a month and its taken 2 months already now and I'm still not on the lithium she says shes putting me back on- she wants an eeg first.

=( I feel like a complete medical crazy pot with how many natural cures and money i've tried and waisted. Pot helped me wake up a little perkier in the morning for a little while but did nothing one this more severe depression his- now Im in Germany and can't get on meds fast enough =(.
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 09:29 AM
  #47
dressing up as a pirate, getting a teddybear on my shoulder to act like a parrot, (even though it didn't stay on), and insisting I had my own pirate ship.
what are your thoughts about getting older
 
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 09:37 AM
  #48
I had gotten my son a weighted blanket when he was little it was neat- he loves weight on him and deep pressure, rolling up as a burrito in a blanket and rolling back out. I never used it but it wasnt that hot or heavy - maybe 5 lbs all spread out. it used beans or something inside.
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 10:04 AM
  #49
i don't like the idea of getting older. my gran died slowly from dementia and cancer - i think i'd like the option of euthanasia if i got dementia, although that would be difficult to implement given that one's state of mind would decline.

what has been the highlight of the past seven days?
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 12:22 PM
  #50
Today’s weather. Beautiful warm and sunny! Probably our last bit of summer before the cold sets in.

Best moment of your life?
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Default Oct 09, 2018 at 03:33 PM
  #51
Hmm? That's a hard one. I am lucky that I have had several pretty darned good moments in my life. Maybe not so many in these last 15 or so years, but before. I guess my wedding day has to rank up as the best. But also a vacation my husband and I took to central and southern Portugal. I remember the day we spent in Loule, Portugal. It was beautiful there, and so romantic. It was so wonderful, that when we got home my husband wrote a letter to the mayor of Loule telling him how great their town was. I was just about at my very best during that trip.

What has been your proudest moment?
 
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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 01:31 AM
  #52
I’ve tried to answer this one multiple times, but it’s harder than it seems. I guess if I had to pick one moment it would be when I finished my language proficiency tests in the army. I went to a special language school that was really rigorous and I had a constant headache for over a year. But I kept my head down and worked steadily and did amazing on my final tests. The recognition was nice, but I’m mostly proud bc there were many moments when I really thought I couldn’t do it, but I got up every day and kept working. Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is enough!

What is something about your personality that you love?
 
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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 05:26 AM
  #53
the fact I'm funny and don't go round all serious (despite all my issues)

okay, question i reverse..

what is one thing about your personality that you wish you could change?
 
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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 06:57 PM
  #54
I'm shy and it limits me even further than the bipolar already does socially.

What is one goal you have for the next year?

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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 07:16 PM
  #55
To meet more (positive) people, learn to accept myself, and to eventually get out more.

Are you an introvert or extrovert?

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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 07:48 PM
  #56
Introvert.

What’s a bad habit you’d like to stop?
 
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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 09:00 PM
  #57
Picking at the skin around my fingernail and biting my nails

What is the most surprising side effect you've ever had from a med?

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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 10:23 PM
  #58
Latuda muscle spasms those first few were very shocking.

How many meds in total have you been on?

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Default Oct 10, 2018 at 10:27 PM
  #59
I lost track around 40, with about 70 combinations. Good thing is there is no reason to think these meds won't continue to keep me doing ok.

Have you tapered off a benzo before?

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Default Oct 11, 2018 at 02:35 AM
  #60
Yes.
Early on I had a severe manic episode that was non responsive to some meds so I was taking 20mg+ of Valium a day.
Once my brain started responding to Lithium etc I was weaned off Valium. I found the withdrawal pretty easy - maybe because my mood was still up.

Q: how do you prevent the fatigue that comes with trying to stay on an even keel?

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