[Innerzone]

A lot of people think alcohol is good for sleep, but it is definitely not. I think your husband's idea is well-founded. Sorry to not have checked in more lately. Sending good thoughts your way!

[bizi]

@Innerzone

Thank you for thinking of me and for your post.
I hope you are doing well.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

[bizi]

My bipolar is still out of whack.
or maybe it is my addictions.
I went to whole foods and had 2 beers in 20 minutes....
Eating too much,
( should be dieting am gaining about a pound every week sigh)
After dinner and hubby went to his big band gig,
went to the tap room and ate a big hot dog with the works...sigh
drinking too much, had 2 beers there.
on to my beer at home.
I worked today and feel entitled to drink.
will have stuff to do tomorrow. Laundry, paperwork and shower.
I need to get a new florescent light bulb for my work light it is gone out.
I need to see if I can get some more immediate acting melatonin
as mine is all gone by monday.
(I would rather be able to get this from a drug store than my doctors office).
The drug store that I want to go to is open until 6 pm on sunday.
I have meds to pick up from my pharmacy tomorrow.
Need to make sure they are the correct ones.
She discontinued the zyprexa due to restless leg syndrome.
It is a weight gainer so am glad about that.
Hubby just came home from his gig.
so I had better sign off.
bizi

[bizi]

I spoke to kay and she and I came to the conclusion that an added med to my cocktail might be just the ticket to stability.
Gabapenton(neurontin)_not sure if I spelled either of these names correctly.
I will write my pdoc tonight. and request her guidance.

I am still drinking too much and have stalled in my day to day activities.
I keep ignoring my billing....hate the paper work part of my job,
and charting and filing...
sigh
I meet with my sponsor tomorrow night...Carol
My new book came in...will give it to her.
A woman's way thru the 12 steps.
She agreed to go thru this book with me

as opposed to the big book...which was written in the 30's.

AM feeling stagnant with my addictions. Alcohol, internet, food, picking sigh all ocd type behaviors.

Between drinking, stopping off at fat pats after work for a few beers. then coming home after picking up some sparking flavored waters, spiked no less. I went to the pharmacy and asked to see if good rx could give me some savings on my prescriptions. yes I saved $60 total. Came home and realized that I picked up a med that had been discontinued but since I came home with it they can not take it back. sigh
wasted money....but I saved money so it evened out. I was still ahead.

WE have been watching Downton Abby and loving it. The movie comes out in the fall, looking forward to that!
WE try to watch one episode a night...we are on season 5 there are 6 seasons.

I need to figure out my day tomorrow. Have 4-5 people to see.
life is good.
and a gift....
need to work on appreciating my life.
bizi

[bizi]

Dr. Orazio called and asked to see me today, she thought I was rapid cycling.
So I met with her...appointment at 3, did not get to see her until 3;40.
She spent over an hour with me.
Basically I told her that I run hypomanic and that I wanted to change meds, add on neurontin. she did not want to do that.

WE are changing to lithium and vylar.

Decreasing the lamictal starting tonight. Decreasing by 100mg then add lithium and leave a small dose of lamictal. they did an ekg and I am to do blood work before I start the lithium. Then a level after 5 days at full dose.

I have needed a change for some time now...maybe lithium is the change that I need.
Came home and told him that she wanted to admit me to a detox unit for 30 days or an out patient program which I said I would think about.
Since I want to still try at controlled drinking then I needed to be honest with my sponsor about that. She will drop me if I told her that. She is very wise and I like her, don't want to lose her support.
anyway....
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Hey Bizi, Good luck with your med changes.

[bizi]

So I talked with my sponsor today: Carol
I told her of my struggles and was honest about my drinking still.
And how I needed to come up with another activity to do instead of stop by fat pats for a couple of beers after work. I like it, it is a decompress time for myself....I sit have a couple of drinks and surf facebook and enjoy myself. This takes about half an hour.

I got my blood drawn this morning for baseline, took 2 sticks, ouch!
Need to pick up my meds from the pharmacy tomorrow and maybe fill a pill box. I think that is a good idea until my meds are settled and the new ones are routine..

Last night...I was able to get to sleep but woke up later and could not get back to sleep....
sigh
Sleep issues suck.
I am working tomorrow...5 clients, need to make time for a lunch somehow, maybe go somewhere like burger king! Maybe have me a whopper!
.
Tomorrow night we are seeing a play which should be good.
Have not seen a play in a while now.
We used to go to them regularly...I would like to go more often.
I am off on sunday....so that is good.
It has been raining off and on so the grass is really plush and constantly needs mowing.
Paul, our yard guy has a hard time keeping up with everybody.
Our yard is growing tassels!
Hubby just called for Downton Abby.
We are finishing up season five soon.
Have really enjoyed rewatching the series.
Well I had better sign off.
Thank you for reading!
bizi

[bizi]

I think the switch form lamictal to lithium is an easy switch. I think the switch from geodon to vraylar will be difficult....will see.


My addictions just keep getting worse.
my picking is terrible. have 3 fingers out of commission.

My weight is 194 yesterday...sigh

Good news is that I am sleeping better.

From my lab work ...my calcium is elevated again.
10.5
In january, When I was taking 1400 mg of calcium it was 10.3 so she told me to take 500mg.
WEll I cut it in half because I have a history of osteopenia.
Then a month on the lower dose had blood work done and it had dropped down to normal.
6 months later, So at 700mg it is back up again.
Wonder why?
I did not take any calcium last night...don't want to have a heart attack!
They faxed the lab results to my primary doc for her to evaluate and treat.
I don't like having any thing out of whack.
Thank you for reading.
bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

How are you doing Bizi?

[bizi]

@BeyondtheRainbow
Thank you for thinking of me.
I am frustrated.
My sleeping has been terrible. Last night I think I got in 3 hours.
Since I drink she discontinued the klonipin for sleep and I have been a mess since then. Some good sleep mostly not.
I tried seroquel, trazadone, unisom, melatonin, visteril/atarax.


The change from lamictal to llithium has been seamless.
300mg in am and 600mg at night. Tonight was the first full dose then blood work on thursday. she wants to keep me on 100mg of lamictal too.
When we switch from geodon to vraylar....that will be a more difficult switch. I don't know when she wants to do this.

My routine blood work last feb came back with an elevated blood serum calcium level. At that time I was taking 1400mg of calcium.
I cut the calcium back and then retested one month later and it was back within normal limits. Though, just last week I had labs drawn for baseline results and the calcium was even higher this time. So they told me to hold all calcium suppliments. I asked about hyperparathyroidism and they will run the test when we recheck in a month. I want to be able to take the calcium supplements because I have a history of osteopenia.
So we shall see.

Unstable mood/bipolar/OCD=
increased drinking, eating, computer, picking.
I am hoping for better control with the med changes in time and have more control over my addictions.

Thanks for asking.
bizi

[Nammu]

Have you ever considered meds that make you sick if you drink?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm sorry going off Klonopin is so hard. I started tapering from 2 mg last August or Sept. but so far only have made is down .25 mg because by the time I was ready for another reduction my father had his stroke and by the time I was done grieving more instensely we were into the time of year I'm most at risk for mania. I think I'll probably go down .25 more either this month or next.

The thing that helped me the most with my little cut (but mostly with keeping that reduction and not using PRN klonopin at all since starting to cut the Klonopin) has been gabapentin. I was on a smaller dose (400 mg) and have gone up to 1200 mg plus 100-200 mg PRN and it really works for anxiety and sleep. If you haven't tried it it might be worth a shot.

I agree with Nammu, have you tried one of the anti-drinking meds or have you thought about an inpatient detox? I know nothing about either but just they are options I guess.

Just know I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

[bizi]

Thank you for reading my thread and for your support.

My pdoc offered me inpatient rehab and others have suggested this....which I resented because I am not that bad of an alcoholic.
I have a respectable business and don't miss work except when I can't sleep and miss a couple of clients that I have to make up.

Alcohol interferes with my ability to be healthy.
There are too many empty calories.
I know how to lose weight....I just can't seem to do what it takes.
Would like to think that I could go to the gym and walk on the tred mill, last time I was there I could hardly walk at all.
The truth of the matter is that I am obese and out of shape.
What is it going to take for me to wake up and face the facts.

I was alcohol free for lent. That was for 6 weeks but I did it. I am sure that I lost weight during that time. Being this overweight is unhealthy.
Drinking alcohol is unhealthy, being sedentary is unhealthy.
I am embarrassed by my weight and what I have become.
My poor body....4 years ago I was 137, last week I weighed 195.
My scrubs are so tight. I look terrible and so unprofessional.

sigh
I am not even trying to healthy...why am I not trying?????
sigh
bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm sorry if I offended you. The reason I suggested IP wasn't that I think you are "that bad" but because there would be consistent support from others going through it too. You have tried so hard and so many different things and you struggle. I just wish there were something that could make it easier for you. I really didn't mean to insult you. I think you do an amazing job just to have bipolar and have your business and manage that so well. Having a whole extra battle can't help anything and I wish that could be taken from you.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I'm sorry if I offended you. The reason I suggested IP wasn't that I think you are "that bad" but because there would be consistent support from others going through it too. You have tried so hard and so many different things and you struggle. I just wish there were something that could make it easier for you. I really didn't mean to insult you. I think you do an amazing job just to have bipolar and have your business and manage that so well. Having a whole extra battle can't help anything and I wish that could be taken from you.

no am sorry did not mean to offend you with what I said.I appreciate your support, really I do. I know that you are trying to be helpful...know that I appreciate you and your attention.
I did not mention the antibuse medication...have been toying with the idea.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Have you ever considered meds that make you sick if you drink?

I will look into this. thanks for the reminder.
bizi

[~Christina]

Thinking of you Bizi

Originally Posted by bizi

Would like to think that I could go to the gym and walk on the tred mill, last time I was there I could hardly walk at all.
The truth of the matter is that I am obese and out of shape.

What about trying an exercise bike, namely a recumbent bike? You don't have to support your body weight with your legs because the chair already does that for you, and that can make getting exercise a little easier. You're also leaning back on a recumbent bike and not forced to sit upright like you would on a traditional exercise bike (which can tire out the abs quickly). On top of that, you can use the bike while texting on your phone etc to distract you. Or watch videos on YouTube. That will pass time quickly and before you know it, you'll have gotten in a lot of exercise.

[bizi]

Thanks for your support ladies.
I belong to planet fitness...already...just need to decide to go again.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

With a ton of meds:
80mg Geodon
100mg lamictal
20mg melatonin
(long acting and short acting)
100mg atarax/visteril
200mg seroquel
600mg of lithium

I could not sleep and had restless leg syndrom majorly so finally got up and out ear plugs in, hubby has been snoring and got up to take 3mg of klonipin. I needed to sleep. Which I did finally and slept turned off the alarm and went back to sleep until hubby came to check on me at almost 10.
I wonder which med gave me the restless leg crap????
The seroquel gave me an elevated heart rate...don't know how fast but it was noticeable.
Called clients to rearrange schedule.
I am afraid that was going to have to be admitted to a pysch ward in order to get me stabilized...Want to avoid that at all costs....
bizi