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Member Since Nov 2016
Location: UK
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#1
I currently go to therapy but I question some things about it. According to my therapist, I don't have a mental illness, but I have troubles I should work on. I kind of disagree and I think I might be bipolar II, I know none of you are actual psychiatrist and none of you can diagnose me, but I wanna know if you can relate to this and if you think that I might be right and my therapist might be wrong...
I do have phases that usually last for abut 2 weeks - 1 month when I feel good. I've never felt extremely good, I just feel...okay, happy, fine. During these times, I'm able to work more effectively, stick to my goals, eat healthy, drink less, workout regulary. I just feel like a consistent normal person who is able to function. I sleep about 7-8 hours and am able to get up, do yoga, prepare healthy breakfast, finish everything at work, invest time in my hobbies. I talk to people, I'm friendly, I go to the gym, I lose weight, eat 3 meals a day, count calories. I'm full of new ideas, new projects, I'm enthusiastic, excited and feel like the future holds great things for me. I'm self confident, decisive, rational, intelligent, practical. I make plans, goals, I stick to my schedules, I act according to the plan, I'm productive, to the point, I'm everything I've ever wanted to be. I feel confident, hot, pretty... During these times, I feel like I finally reached happiness, I got healthy and I know what it feels like to be a normal person without any mental health troubles. I usually think I got magically well and I don't need therapy anymore. Then I have phases, that usually last for ... it feels like it's longer but I think it's actually 2 weeks - month as well. When I feel like an ugly little **** who doesn't deserve to live. I sleep 10 - 11 hours, I feel tired all the time and nothing can get me excited. I feel sad, depressed, melancholic and like crying all the time. I sometimes feel so much pain, and I have no idea where it comes from. It just suddenly hits me, it's so overwhelming it feels like I lost everything in my life, even though I know it's not true. I know the pain is irrational and it comes from a thin air, yet it still comes regularly and I can't fight it. Then negative thoughts start to appear as well, suddenly I feel like my positive and productive phase was just an illusion. Like I was living a dream and a cold harsh reality hits me from every side. I feel useless, unproductive, lazy, ugly, fat, selfish, stupid, weak. I hate myself, I despise myself. It feels like I've been like this all the time and the positive thoughts were just there to cover up the truth about my life for a short while. I get suicidal, impulsive, I start drinking. I feel like I hat everyone including myself and I get flesh backs of past negative or shameful situations. Does it sound like something that someone with bipolar would experience? |
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Anonymous46341
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#2
It suggests Bipolar II (I am not sure they use the division between I and II in UK, though, but basically bipolar with depression and hypomania, but without frank mania). You also a very eloquent person .
This site has a Mood tracker: Mood Tracker - Track your daily mood on Psych Central I would track moods for three months and then take the mood tracker to a psychiatrist (not a therapist). It is also surprising the current therapist has not picked up on your phases, since they seem so textbook. As an alternative to this side's Mood Tracker (or an addition to it), you can use Optimism Online, which is customizable, and in your particular case it would make sense to track when you start what is called "self-medicating" with alcohol, to see if you can unearth patterns of correlations between phases of mood and drinking. In general what is happening with you is called mood congruent memory, which is a type of cognitive bias that makes you recall events of the same affective (mood) state as your current state. For this reason you are getting flashbacks of past negative or shameful situations when you are feeling very low. Also for this reason you think that the productive stage was an illusion - it feels so because it is hard to recall (to feel that it was real) a state that is starkly different from your current state. This bias is a trick the mind plays on us. __________________ Bipolar I w/Psychotic features Zyprexa Zydis 5 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Melatonin 10 mg Levoxyl 75 mcg (because I took Lithium in the past) past medications: Depakote, Lamictal, Lithium, Seroquel, Trazodone, Risperdal, Cogentin, Remerol, Prozac, Amitriptyline, Ambien, Lorazepam, Klonopin, Saphris, Trileptal, Clozapine and Clozapine+Wellbutrin, Topamax |
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Erecura
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#3
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During my better episodes, I actually really act like a normal person and I feel normal. I get positive feedback from others as well, I don'do crazy impulsive stuff like people tend to do during a manic episode, I'm just happy and fine like a person normally "should be". And I feel really well and okay. |
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Elder
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#4
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My recommendation would be to see a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Therapists generally aren’t qualified to diagnose. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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Anonymous46341, Gabyunbound
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Erecura, Gabyunbound, Innerzone
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Elder
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#5
Have you seen a psychiatrist besides your T?
__________________ Guiness187055 Moderator Community support team |
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Anonymous46341
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#6
I'd visited a psychiatrist in the past but that was a long time ago. 6 years ago I stared to have anxiety and panic attacks and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. The symptoms got much better after a year of treatment and I stopped going there. Now I just visit my therapist.
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Guiness187055
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#7
I sort of lean towards wildflowerchild's response, but as Guinness suggests, a psychiatrist is the best person to confirm any diagnosis, or lack thereof.
People can lack insight to hypomania, and even mania. However, the DSM-5, in the US, clearly states that even hypomania is generally noticable to others and clearly reflects a difference from a person's stable state. Hypomanic symptoms are also ones that others can usually identify as "Yea, so-and-so does talk fast" or "Yea, they can act a little wild, or strange, or over-the-top on occasion or seem to do a lot more than most people sometimes." Of course there are people without bipolar that are loud Chatty Cathys and/or high energy wild childs, but they may not exhibit any major changes to that state under normal circumstances. I believe that some people too often underestimate how significant of a dysfunctional state hypomania can be. I have been full blown manic with psychosis, and can say that full blown mania is very severe. Hypomania is not always just "Zippity Doo Dah" skipping down the lane. Most people on earth have skipping down the lane periods. Have you ever heard of the Bipolar Spectrum? Some experts have a very broad definition of it, while others don't. Some that do may even consider a person whose moods frequently fluctuate between mild to moderate depression and stable baseline as on the spectrum. Such a person may not necessarily qualify for even a bipolar 2 or Cyclothymia diagnosis, but may still benefit from bipolar moodstabilizers more than antidepressants. I don't know if you are female or male, but in some cases hormonal issues could be in play. Or something totally different unrelated to mental illness. I only mention this because these issues and questions are the reasons why diagnosis by a psychiatrist is recommended. |
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Guiness187055
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#8
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#9
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#10
You definitely have to see a doctor. Therapists can be wonderful and full of knowledge but its not the same as a medical doctor.
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#11
There is a big two-way correlation between bipolar and drinking - more drinking among bipolar and more bipolar among drinkers. You know you should mention this to your therapist but are withholding it. This may not be your fault - maybe the therapist does not elicit straightforward honesty from you and maybe you need a new therapist. It is hard to advise - we know that in Canada and UK the options are much more limited, but it seems that there is a clear positive datapoint in the past in that you had a psychiatrist who helped with GAD - who diagnosed correctly and treated effectively. Why not go back to that psychiatrist?
Also, I think you are mistaking a well-contained manageable elevated state for normal state when you write that when you feel "I'm full of new ideas, new projects, I'm enthusiastic, excited and feel like the future holds great things for me. I'm self confident, decisive, rational, intelligent, practical.", you feel just like normal people do. Normal people do not consistently feel full of new ideas - the world would not be what it is if they did. __________________ Bipolar I w/Psychotic features Zyprexa Zydis 5 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Melatonin 10 mg Levoxyl 75 mcg (because I took Lithium in the past) past medications: Depakote, Lamictal, Lithium, Seroquel, Trazodone, Risperdal, Cogentin, Remerol, Prozac, Amitriptyline, Ambien, Lorazepam, Klonopin, Saphris, Trileptal, Clozapine and Clozapine+Wellbutrin, Topamax |
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