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~Christina
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Default Mar 09, 2019 at 11:56 PM
  #981
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Originally Posted by cashart10 View Post
Had to take my daughter to her quick recall tournament this morning and then took my daughters out to lunch after (my son was with my dad at a Boy Scouts event because my husband works saturdays). I was filled with total dread at the idea yesterday but it honestly wasn’t so bad. I’ve spent the entire rest of the day to myself, curled in a ball on the couch listening to Christian music in my headphones. I am struggling. I am going to church in the morning. I kind of want to die. I am feeling very low right now. I am going to try to spend the evening praying. I want to take a shower but I think my husband might freak out if I get in right now (late night showers are always a bad sign for me). Now, when I think about going back to work April 8th, I feel like there is no way I will survive. It’s just so hard.


April 8th is a month away don’t even think of that.

You always become overly religious when your doing poorly. It’s good you realize that things aren’t just black and white.

Please folllowup with IOP your T and Pdoc

You are going to be feeling better, please continue your medication.

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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 03:44 AM
  #982
Went to sleep at 7.30 am and slept (apart from getting up for breakfast) until 4 pm today. Utterly exhausted. Still tired but now drinking beer. Hurt my hamstring again. Done with healthy coping. F*** it. I’m giving up trying. This is beyond my skills and I’ve lost all hope.

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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 08:16 AM
  #983
Good morning.
I started my exercise regime today.
I'm weighing 207lbs.
My normal weight at this age is 185-195.
I did the full ten minutes too.
Standing in that dam vibration machine
is no walk in the park.

Cheers.

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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 09:07 AM
  #984
Day 1 1/2 of New Diet! (I consider yesterday a 1/2 day since I didn't adhere to it for breakfast)

I woke up today with a headache (assuming it is because I haven't had caffeine from no soda), so I took some headache medicine. At least the caffeine in the pill doesn't come with loads of sugar and other chemicals that are unhealthy, right? It's temporary anyway until I can manage the headaches without it, and eventually they'll go away. I'd say at most 4-5 days.


As I've stated before-- portion control and over-eating isn't really my problem but I want to drop this weight fast. No soda, light exercise, and sensible meals. I'm using weight watchers so I have a point system. It's a very friendly and forgiving system (there are 14 "splurge points" a week so you can go over your daily amount without feeling guilty).

Anyway, outside of that -- I feel OK. My mood is normal I guess, I don't feel that high or low, but most importantly I don't feel low. I'm very happy about that.
 
 
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 09:29 AM
  #985
I am ashamed to be alive

litirally doing nothing with my day- I don't really deserve it
 
 
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 09:33 AM
  #986
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Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
I am ashamed to be alive

litirally doing nothing with my day- I don't really deserve it

You really don't deserve to feel that way. I'm sorry you're going through that. I am in the same boat, I am unemployed and I don't leave my house unless I have to. I am wasting away the days. However, we are struggling so things are difficult right now -- cut yourself a break. Your life is valuable and you contribute in the ways that you can.
 
 
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 09:57 AM
  #987
raging vortex, I am sorry you are feeling that way. I do think you deserve to feel well. In fact, I think right now you could use some extra self compassion and care. Maybe do something nice for yourself
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 10:01 AM
  #988
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brentus View Post
Day 1 1/2 of New Diet! (I consider yesterday a 1/2 day since I didn't adhere to it for breakfast)

I woke up today with a headache (assuming it is because I haven't had caffeine from no soda), so I took some headache medicine. At least the caffeine in the pill doesn't come with loads of sugar and other chemicals that are unhealthy, right? It's temporary anyway until I can manage the headaches without it, and eventually they'll go away. I'd say at most 4-5 days.


As I've stated before-- portion control and over-eating isn't really my problem but I want to drop this weight fast. No soda, light exercise, and sensible meals. I'm using weight watchers so I have a point system. It's a very friendly and forgiving system (there are 14 "splurge points" a week so you can go over your daily amount without feeling guilty).

Anyway, outside of that -- I feel OK. My mood is normal I guess, I don't feel that high or low, but most importantly I don't feel low. I'm very happy about that.
@Brentus I have done weight watchers and it works really well if you stick to it. I like that there are no forbidden foods.

For caffeine, you can try unsweetened tea or coffee. I drink a lot of tea instead of soda.
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 08:29 PM
  #989
I did a chore today that i've been putting off for months so that's good. I took a shower i was overdue for also. I'm painfully lonely so i thought i would retry that meetup group i tried last year. My membership is pending. Listening to mood music on YouTube. It's nice and soothing.
 
 
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 08:32 PM
  #990
I hope the meetup group works out and you can make some friends.
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 10:39 PM
  #991
Hello everyone and happy Sunday. To be honest I am honestly exausted; the time change really hurt me this morning. I hate spring for this reason; the terrible time change; I love the option of getting nice weather but I hate springing forward. My body and brain was not at all happy with the time change; it likes fall but spring is usually hard on my body.

I'm not doing the best had a pretty emotionally exhausting day today and I know tomorrow isn't going to be any better with the emotional exhausted feeling. Today was pretty terrible honestly.

I went to church which was nice but lunch out with his parents was not the best; plus my worry is really starting to get the best of me and stressing me out. I just feel exhausted after today; I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

I am still at the boyfriends place at least for a little while longer.

Sorry I feel like I haven't been posting a lot regarding updates; I've just had a lot on my mind.

Hugs to everyone

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Smile Mar 10, 2019 at 10:54 PM
  #992
Am very proud of myself this evening.
I ate well today, Only eating from 12;30pm to 6;30pm
No snacking after dinner. I won't eat again
until 11;30 tomorrow morning, a 17 hour fast.
Went to the gym and walked a 5K.
Came home and took a shower,
Did not pick the pimple on my red nose.
Took all of my supplements and meds.
Remained alcohol free.
bizi

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Default Mar 11, 2019 at 12:06 AM
  #993
I keep deleting posts, due to the feeling of safe and even worth it creeps in.
Thanks to you that have been kind, and I wish everyone the best.

I have been kicking around thoughts, if any read what I wrote earlier it is in reference to cannabis- which is controversial and yes - I would be an abuser of getting high; But I really don't care atm because at least it got me off of sui and hom thoughts, I have still been bouncy and chaotic like I was but not as bad. When I got sick in mid feb I stopped medicating myself.
I hope work goes better this week, last week was a breaking point and I cried, snapped, and just too much.

The place that general doc suggested I've been writing emails with to get a better idea of what to expect. They only do psychotherapy, so I am in the midsts of asking do they referral out to psychiatrists -- because I keep getting prescribed drugs that I am afraid to take, and I am at a point that I Guess I should start taking them.
A lot of things in my mind revolving around this; because - what if I would had just stuck with the first therapist and pdoc back in 2011... what if. etc, whatever-

Look forward and yet- I can't help but to keep wondering what is it "that I am missing" to be whole? in a sense.. it's hard to explain.

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Default Mar 11, 2019 at 01:11 AM
  #994
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Originally Posted by beauflow View Post
I keep deleting posts, due to the feeling of safe and even worth it creeps in.
Thanks to you that have been kind, and I wish everyone the best.

I have been kicking around thoughts, if any read what I wrote earlier it is in reference to cannabis- which is controversial and yes - I would be an abuser of getting high; But I really don't care atm because at least it got me off of sui and hom thoughts, I have still been bouncy and chaotic like I was but not as bad. When I got sick in mid feb I stopped medicating myself.
I hope work goes better this week, last week was a breaking point and I cried, snapped, and just too much.

The place that general doc suggested I've been writing emails with to get a better idea of what to expect. They only do psychotherapy, so I am in the midsts of asking do they referral out to psychiatrists -- because I keep getting prescribed drugs that I am afraid to take, and I am at a point that I Guess I should start taking them.
A lot of things in my mind revolving around this; because - what if I would had just stuck with the first therapist and pdoc back in 2011... what if. etc, whatever-

Look forward and yet- I can't help but to keep wondering what is it "that I am missing" to be whole? in a sense.. it's hard to explain.
The urge to self-destruct with drugs is a BIG red flag. Do you have the support you need? Why are you afraid to take your meds? A trip to a pdoc sounds in order. Be careful. Things can get out of hand quickly. It is an understandable thing to wonder. Just don't obsess over it. You may find your answer organically just by going about your life. Please stay safe and seek urgent help if you cannot. Keep posting. It may help you gather your thoughts, and get support while you do.

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Default Mar 11, 2019 at 01:14 AM
  #995
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeaCat View Post
Hello everyone and happy Sunday. To be honest I am honestly exausted; the time change really hurt me this morning. I hate spring for this reason; the terrible time change; I love the option of getting nice weather but I hate springing forward. My body and brain was not at all happy with the time change; it likes fall but spring is usually hard on my body.

I'm not doing the best had a pretty emotionally exhausting day today and I know tomorrow isn't going to be any better with the emotional exhausted feeling. Today was pretty terrible honestly.

I went to church which was nice but lunch out with his parents was not the best; plus my worry is really starting to get the best of me and stressing me out. I just feel exhausted after today; I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

I am still at the boyfriends place at least for a little while longer.

Sorry I feel like I haven't been posting a lot regarding updates; I've just had a lot on my mind.

Hugs to everyone
I am so sorry you had such a terrible day and are feeling so exhausted. After tomorrow is there any time that you can take to yourself and rest a bit? It sounds like you need a little break or you will reach breaking point. Keep us up to date if you can. I really hope things improve soon.

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Default Mar 11, 2019 at 01:20 AM
  #996
Well I actually stayed out of bed today, although it is only 2.15pm. I doubt I will get back to bed. I have been so exhausted. Had a couple of panic attacks, which is unusual for me. I am overwhelmed and making bad decisions because of it. I feel my life falling apart. It terrifies me. I think I am stable Bipolar wise, just PTSD stuff. I know I am in trouble. Free falling. It is beyond my skills to prevent. Seeing my T Wednesday. I am worried he might want me IP due to my out of control emotional state. I have too much to do to be locked up. I have had severe PTSD in the past. It can get much worse than this. I sense it is going to but I really don't care right now.

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Default Mar 11, 2019 at 06:29 AM
  #997
Feeling tired and apathetic right now, but hoping the day gets better as it goes on. I had a pretty productive day of shopping for supplies for my kitchen and making a red curry yesterday. So, at least I have food for lunch. I am doing pretty well at keeping stable and using coping skills, but right now I am just feeling a bit pessimistic about the whole thing. I know this way of thinking will get in my way, but I am just tired of the amount of energy that goes into maintaining my health on the daily. Maybe I need to track my progress, because I have come a long way, but this morning I feel like why even bother? Gosh, I really do sound whiny haha. I think it comes down to a mental fatigue because of these exhausting thoughts and anxiety I am dealing with, so I am walking around constantly burnt out. Anyways, I am off to work. Hope everyone has a good day!
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Heart Mar 11, 2019 at 06:57 AM
  #998
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander View Post
Well I actually stayed out of bed today, although it is only 2.15pm. I doubt I will get back to bed. I have been so exhausted. Had a couple of panic attacks, which is unusual for me. I am overwhelmed and making bad decisions because of it. I feel my life falling apart. It terrifies me. I think I am stable Bipolar wise, just PTSD stuff. I know I am in trouble. Free falling. It is beyond my skills to prevent. Seeing my T Wednesday. I am worried he might want me IP due to my out of control emotional state. I have too much to do to be locked up. I have had severe PTSD in the past. It can get much worse than this. I sense it is going to but I really don't care right now.

I am glad that you are seeing your therapist on wednesday.
Maybe you could go to IOP therapy, out patient and not go in patient.
They do CBT therapy there I believe. And it would not cost as much as a hospital stay.

sorry it is so hard for you right now.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

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Default Mar 11, 2019 at 08:55 AM
  #999
La bruja found smaller faucets that cascade.
I'm glad she did, but will admit to nothing.

I'm the MP, she's labor. We make a great team.
By 2020, we will have the drains working.

Cheers.

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Look for the positive in the negative. PIRILON.
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Default Mar 11, 2019 at 09:16 AM
  #1000
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Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs View Post
Feeling tired and apathetic right now, but hoping the day gets better as it goes on. I had a pretty productive day of shopping for supplies for my kitchen and making a red curry yesterday. So, at least I have food for lunch. I am doing pretty well at keeping stable and using coping skills, but right now I am just feeling a bit pessimistic about the whole thing. I know this way of thinking will get in my way, but I am just tired of the amount of energy that goes into maintaining my health on the daily. Maybe I need to track my progress, because I have come a long way, but this morning I feel like why even bother? Gosh, I really do sound whiny haha. I think it comes down to a mental fatigue because of these exhausting thoughts and anxiety I am dealing with, so I am walking around constantly burnt out. Anyways, I am off to work. Hope everyone has a good day!

Don't underestimate the effects of mental fatigue. I know how much it affects even the simplest of tasks. It changes our moods for the negative and makes everything 10x harder than it should be. I'm sorry you're goin' through that. It sucks. I hope you get a chance to mentally decompress and relax. Mental/emotional health is just as important as physical health! Hope you have a great day at work!
 
 
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