Devil is talking to me

For a while it was god. Now it is the devil. It always feels so real. He doesnt say much, he just suggests different directions for me to take. He wants me to fight the demons.

Usually I am pretty good at realizing this stuff isnt real... but it really does feel real sometimes. I get scared for a few minutes when it happens. I get shaken up. I dont ever want to believe that they are real because if I do and I start fighting the demons how will I know what to fight? What if I hurt someone? I really dont want to hurt anyone.

Im not fully sure by the way if its the devil talking to me. Thats my guess though. The voice didnt ID itself but it FELT like the devil. But it doesnt make sense for the devil to be saying to fight the demons so maybe its not the devil. Maybe its another voice. I dunno. It being the devil was just a guess. I hate this

I dont know how much longer I can take the voices and the other hallucinations. Its mostly demonic things now when before it was nicer stuff. When God was talking to me the things I saw were mostly neutral to good. Now its bad. Always bad.

I dont want to take more medicine but also... I feel suicidal. But deep down I dont want to die. I just want to hide away forever or at least until everything bad is over.

I dont know what to do at this point. How much more I can take.

I have so much going on in my head. Why cant it just stop

Have you contacted your pdoc? It sounds like you may need a med adjustment. You shouldn't have to live with those scary thoughts.

Yes. I agree with the poster above! Any time I have ever heard God or the devil speak to me, I have been deeply psychotic and communication with my pdoc is then vital.

Yes have appointments soon. I know that the voices arent real but with how depressed I am I am a little scared.

I dont want to take more medication. I hate the medications. But I also dont want to hurt anyone. Id rather die myself then hurt anyone. The medications feel like a death.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Under*Over I'm glad you're going to see your Pdoc soon. Please don't give up. Stay safe and take care of yourself. Try to find some distractions if you can. Do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time? Try to hang on. Do you have a support system IRL? Any friends or family that could help you? Remember that we're here for you if you need it. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

I am so sorry! I’ve been there and I realize how entirely painful it is. I hope you are able to find relief very soon and without the addition of lots of meds. I do think it’s a good thing you realize the voices aren’t real, btw.

No I dont really have a support system. I dont deserve one, honestly. I kind of hope that eventually I can just drift away from everyone who cares about me so that if I do do something crazy it will hurt them less.

Thanks. Im lucky the voices and the other hallucinations arent constant. But I still wish they were never. Whats the point of taking medication if Im still going to be messed up?

I just want it... I dont know. Im just so tired.

Thanks guys. You guys are all just so nice.

Everyone deserves to be loved, Under*Over I'm so sorry you don't have a support system. Try to hang on. We're here for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Sending many hugs to you

No its ok. Dont want to burdon anyone. Thanks for listening though. I just wish all of this would stop.

Sometimes I wonder if I even am sick. I mean. I want to just give up and stop taking all medications and just let whatever will happen happen. But I cant risk that right now.

I just wish I knew for sure. Sometimes I feel like everyones lying to me and its all part of a conspiracy to sort of... destroy anyone who could be problem atic.

But everyones so nice to me. All the mental health care providers. So I dont want to believe that. But what if its all lies? What if thats how they want you to feel so that you take drugs that actually make you sicker and you never even realize it because the drugs have stolen your mind?

I dont know. They say the voices would be worse without medication but maybe not. Maybe thats just what they want you to believe. And what the devil is telling me is reality.

I dont knkw for sure. I think they are telling the truth but I wish my mind would just decide already and stop trying to confuse me and make me feel bad things

it sounds like your in real pain ... the meds can take a long time to reach full effect ... maybe you could approach your pdoc about a fast acting med to tide you over till the others kick in ... I have been in the deep dark pit before ... and I feel for your pain ... of course it would be silly for me to compare your hell with my experience ... each of us walk our own path and each of us must find our own salvation ... but I can say with certianity that everyone here wants to be there for you ... including myself ... this " crap " we all live with can be so bad ... but most if they can hold on will find it can get better ... there can be a life if we just keep pushing on ... if I know anything it is to never give up ... tomorrow can really be better .... but you must believe it can ... I believe it can ... and I know you want to ... pull from our collective strength ...

I know I phrase things poorly but we really do care ... and we really do hope you get to feeling better .... keep us posted .... your friend ..Tigger

How are you doing today?

Nothing has been talking to me. Everythings been pretty normal though its also all kinda foggy.

I just dont want to hurt anyone. Thats my problem. I know that these things arent real- mostly- but I am afraid some day I will.

And theyll tell me to do something bad and I wont be able to understand that I dont have to listen.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better for me to just stop existing. And that thought keeps getting louder and Im a little afraid.

Its all just so much and Im so tired. I dont feel like theres anything I can do. It all feels hopeless

I have, once, actually believe God was speaking to me. He told me to do things and I did them. Thankfully, it was nothing that could hurt anyone else but I did do some stupid and dangerous things. Now, at the slightest sign of hyper religiosity, I call my pdoc and we monitor it very closely. Do you have this type of relationship with your pdoc?

Not really. I dont like asking for things really. I just want this all to stop. Its not bad right now just really frustrating.

I just want it to be over. Not on vacation with medication. I want it gone. I dont want to be a problem. I just want the problem solved and that means just..



Im sorry. I. Should shut up now

Please do not feel like you need to shut up! That’s why I’m posting right here and now! I’m sorry you are missing that kind of relationship. If you can feel any fight, try to muster the strength to tell your pdoc and you may be surprised (although I can’t say for sure because I have had a pretty terrible pdoc in the past). I understand the feeling of not wanting to exist and it is a very dark and disturbing to be. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Wish I could give you a real hug! All of my love!

How are you feeling Under*over? I hope you are feeling better. Please reach out to your Pdoc for help. I'm sorry you're going through this.

The voices are mean and commanding when I'm not on medication. I feel for you. So difficult to have an uncooperative brain. I hope a med. adjustment will give you relief and sleep.

Im ok. Trying to take it one day at a time for now.

Im not great but Im still going to try and hope things maybe get better... even though hope is at a pretty low point right now... maybe some still can be found.

Its been a while since anything weird has happened- a couple of days since anything psychotic... so thats nice. Hope that continues. Its much easier to get some space from all this scary stuff when it doesnt happen all the time.

i'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I really hope you feel better soon and those voices go away for good.

Yeah I dont expect the voices to go away but I really hope that I dont ever listen to them. I would hate myself for listening to them and I just dont want to listen and accidently hurt someone.

I guess its good that Im in treatment then. If not for me then for everyone else