About marriage.......

Voice your opinion.

Cheers.

I had a mostly wonderful marriage to a man who loved me unconditionally, bipolar and all. We were married for 36 years; he passed away in 2016. He put up with my mercurial moods, screaming fits, manic and depressive episodes long before we knew what they were. He had a few quirks himself, and sometimes we fought (but mostly about money). But overall my life with that man was a blessed one, and I miss him something fierce. I know I'll never be loved like that again; but I've learned to live with it and am reasonably happy single/widowed.

I'm married mostly happy. I get paranoid that my husband doesn't love me. to the point where I hide and cry a lot. I know he loves me but sometimes I don't feel like he does. Most of my delusions revolve around him hating me, conspiring, or trying to kill me. Once I thought I was his imaginary friend for like 2 week. I'm lucky he stays with me.

Sometimes it's rough but I can't imagine doing everything with out him. He's my best friend w. benefits.

My first marriage was just stupid .... but we made a beautiful caring human being

I have a wonderful imperfect husband who loves me fully. I am very lucky. We make a great pair.

there is no way I would still be alive if not for her love for me and mine for her ... 35 very happy years ...2 beautiful boys and so far a beautful grandson ...

it is rare to find such an connection ... but they are there ... neither one of us believes in divorce so no matter how bad it got we just stuck in there ... Tigger ,,

He makes me feel loved. I rely on him. He literally saved my life. No one else has ever loved me the way he does. Nothing scares me more than when we are in a serious fight.

Met my husband when I was 18 and it was literally love at first sight. Got engaged that fall and married when I was 20. I adore him and he adores me. We have been married for nearly 24 years. I cant complain about him because I could never come up with something bad enough to complain about.

I've been with my husband for over 22 years. He is the love of my life and my best friend. He has always been caring and understanding during all of my highs and lows and has never blamed me for anything or gotten that angry even when my actions may have warranted fury from someone who wouldn't have understood.

I tell my therapists that we have never had fights last more than 12 hours. I hate fights, and he knows they do no good. We love each other unconditionally.

There's always going to be things that irk you about your spouse. Some things need to be tolerated or you have to rather learn to shake your head and laugh and find ways to get passed them.

Was with a good man for 25 years (married 20 after living together 5 years). I'd write a letter of recommendation for him, lol. We just kind of drifted apart, then I went hypo meeting someone online and basically ran off for the adventure. It was an adventure alright. :-/ Did NOT marry that one.

But as far as marriage, it was good.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

I never thought I would be happily married, but have been for almost 8 years now. He’s not perfect but he’s been great for me, and vice versa. Even with emotional instability he stuck with me. We laugh a lot, work as a team, and bounce off ideas. We help each other out. Since I’ve been better I help him out more and he appreciates that. I think we’ll last a long time.

I was never going to get married - I was a typical feminist young adult and was happy in my own space. Anyhow all that changed after I met my hubby. I was horrified when I found out that he was younger than me. He was such an old soul.
I got married at 23yrs the day before hubby turned 21yrs.
He took on someone with a bucket load of health issues and 25yrs later here we are.

So far, so good.

All I see are positive experiences. Great, I like positive.

However, experience tells me marriage is not always a rose garden.
If someone desires to share a not-so-positve experience, by all means, do.
In other words, this is your chance to take the weight off your chest.

Negative adds value to positive.

I'll be watching and will share my opinion at the end.

Thank you all.

Cheers.

So many inspiring stories here. Ok you want a negative? Here goes. I married a wonderful man who treated me great for 2 years. Then it became clear he was an alcoholic and started driving drunk. When I demanded he stop he would just drink at home instead. I should UCI with him thinking for better or for worse and thought I could help him quit drinking. Hah. Gradually he changed from a nice drunk to a mean drunk. He became verbally and emotionally abusivve as well as financially abusive. He became a hoarder and he didn’t hoard low end stuff. Our credit card bills got to 15-20k per month. He would not go to marriage counseling or get help. I left after he body checked me once. Now he has lost his job and I have to support him. I may have to sell the house I just bought and move in to my parents house to pay him up to the previous “marital standard” as the court is requiring me. I can’t make as much as I used to (decompensated and diagnosed shortly after I left him). Court has little sympathy because I’m not completely disabled. On the bright side, I don’t have to live with that SOB.

Pirilin,

Of course, no one is a bed of roses. I came to PC because of an attempt in 2015. Thirty minutes before that attempt, I felt triggered when my husband called me a B when I wasn't in the mood. The last time we were in a fight, he reminded me that he saved my life--at the time it slipped my mind that he had triggered me before he saved me. He gets triggered when I am not cheerful so sometimes I medicate myself in order to stay cheerful around him. He is not changing so I frequently "drug" myself right before he arrives home. As I said, I hate when we fight. We actually don't fight that often.

A few comments:

a) Nobody is perfect but The Superior Power.
b) Some people were not meant to marry. I'm one of those. Even if I've married three times.
c) Nobody changes anybody. Please, prove me wrong in this one.
d) Marriage is give and take. Of course, try to take more than you give, hahaha.
e) It takes more than physical attraction to sustain one. Beauty lasts just a few years.

And last, but not least, I know it takes courage to disclose feeling. Please, do not embellish. Not detract from fact.

Why am I writing about this?.
No, my marriage is fine. Too fine I may add.

I have a very good friend that widowed less than a year ago.
They were together for 53 years. Since High School. 49 of those officially married.
She had bipolar spectrum, more than myself probably. But was very private.
Even if it showed every day we met.

Case and point: my friend is going to remarry Feb 14. Very original. Every olde fart chooses that date.
A year almost to the date that she passed.
He went to his High school reunion an reconnected with one of his schoolmates.
She was homeless, and he was lonely in a mountain that I wish I'll never have to go again.
Will this marriage last?. Dunno. My opinon, even if it doesn't count, is they're going too soon.
High School reunion was in November. She moved in with him in December.
I disagree with this, but respect his wish.

There, I also had something to get off my chest.

Cheer.

I don't think it's for me, but maybe I will change my mind. I am in a long term relationship, though. I just don't know about marriage, maybe because I didn't see a healthy one growing up? Also I am not religious, don't want kids at the moment, so not sure the point for myself personally.

I had a good relationship with my late husband for the most part. He was a hothead, so we would fight a lot. My psych problems didn’t help. I was with him for eight years, married for four. I would say the last two years of our marriage were pretty bad. I was a complete mess, and it turned out he was a drug addict on the down low. I loved him though. If I could have him back (he died of a drug overdose) I would take him back. I don’t know if I would have ever divorced him over the drug addiction. I might have, if it got too bad. But I wasn’t ready to let go when he died.

Now I’m in a new relationship with a man I really love, probably just as much as my husband. We’ve only been dating for two and a half months so it’s too soon to talk of marriage, but I would get married again, even if it wasn’t to him.

Pirilin,
c) nobody changes anybody: Unfortunately I’ve changed my hubby. When we met he was a sweet energetic person. Living with a chronically ill wife has turned him into someone who is still sweet but worn out and crotchety.

Pirilin, I agree. The factors in your friend's upcoming marriage are not auspicious. Still, I wish them luck.

Hope you feel better for getting that out.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Granted. People can change for the worse. My bad.
But don't blame only yourself for his demeanor.
He could do better on his own. La Bruja hasn't change a bit.
Even if she didn't know when we started (neither did I), I could have a condition.
That came twenty years later.

I always think that when there is a will, there is a way.

Good luck.

Cheers.