I'm flabbergasted! I'm too much for prospective therapist.

I just got home from the first meeting with a second of two prospective therapists (both psychologists). Well, this prospective therapist is no more. Not by my choice, but hers.

Has anyone ever gone to a therapist and had them refuse to work with you on either the first or some early number of meetings? I never have. This is a first for me.

This psychologist today ended the meeting saying that she won't work with me because she thinks that I need to work with a therapist who has a "team" working with them. I guess I'm just too complex of a client? Too much to handle alone? I got the feeling that maybe I intimidated her. Or did she just take an instant disliking to me? I am the type that people either love or not, with only some people in between. Particularly other women. I don't know. Anyway, I called my husband immediately after and was between laughing hysterically at what happened and feeling nervously shocked. What kind of clients does she accept? People with minor self-esteem issues only (and no diagnosis) or couples who have some marriage troubles? I guess no one with any significant DSM-5 diagnosis.

Do you have a therapist that has a "team" working with them? By team, she seemed to say a nurse, assistant therapist, and/or other therapists (or psychiatrist I'd be seeing) that worked in the same office that could be consulted and help "in crisis" either if she's not available, or with her (I guess for support for her). Other than IOPs/PHPs and inpatient, I've only ever had one therapist that sort of had a team, and that therapist (and the psychiatrist) ended up "firing me", so to speak. But that was years ago when I was in a much more dire state than I am now. I also had one that called my psychiatrist and said I "scared" her. That baffled my psychiatrist. I quit her because...well, I scared her and she wanted to reduce my appointments to once per month. I got the drift. I've actually had several therapists over the years, but I'm generally the one to leave them. I have had a few long or sort of long term therapists, especially in recent years (all psychologists with Ph.Ds). Retirements and office moves sadly ended them.

I think the final straw for her today was when she asked me about my last severe episode. I told her it was in May of last year and it was a full blown mania with brief psychosis towards the end of my husband's and my vacation in Portugal. I did mention that my husband was crying on the plane on the way home. She asked me what happened afterwards and I told her my psychiatrist was immediately called upon our return to the US and an emergency appointment and medication adjustment de-escalated the episode. She seemed shocked that I wasn't hospitalized. But I haven't been hospitalized during all of my full blown manias. Have you? My psychiatrist can de-escalate many. If he couldn't, I would have been hospitalized at least 15 to 18 times by now, instead of 10.

I don't know. Maybe some of the other stuff I talked about seemed too much for her. Maybe the way I came across intimidated her? I think the former (not latter) must've been the case, because she said I seemed like a very pleasant woman.

This is just unbelievable. I definitely want to hear from others with answers to one or all of my questions above. I've highlighted them in blue bold font since I've asked a few and they're hidden within the post.

I'm glad I have the other prospective therapist. I've seen her twice already. So far I'm not immediately wowed by her, but she seems to feel perfectly capable without a team. She even seems to be interested in my case.

I miss my last psychologist. I adored her. I was making such a progress with her, and then she moved far away. I've taken steps backwards since.

Great questions!

I think she was telling you she feels inadequate to handle your situation. This is not a reflection of you at all. While she might need a team to support her, other practitioners do not.

I think you've dodged a bullet.

I believe there is a more skilled practitioner out there for you.


WC

Thanks, WC! You're surely right. That is certainly the answer that makes me feel better. This was sort of disappointing, this day today. I'm kind of sad because her office is close to where my husband works. I was hoping to combine therapy days with afternoon workday lunches with him. I guess not. The other psychologist is not particularly close to my husband's work.

My pdoc works in a hospital so she has other doctors to consult with. Has nurses and other support staff too.

It helps when she's away and I need a refill or something.

Kind of scary at times too since she has the whole hospital available to her in case things get out of hand, but it hasn't come to that.

But yeah I get that some prefer a team to work with because they get the support of a general doctor too in case anything physical comes up as it did with me (I had a bad reaction to Lamictal and a general doctor figured that out after ruling other issues).

I'm sure you'll find someone to help you. You're quite a good advocate for yourself!

Like wc said I think you dodged a bullet. I'm on medicaid and I don't think my therapist can handle my issues. To be quite frank I don't admire her in any way. She's extremely frail and anorexic. She's missed I don't know how many appts. Recently she fell down a staircase and has hairline fractures on her ribs. I feel bad for her, but I don't see why they keep her on. I like very healthy strong woman. That's who I work best with.

I called her supervisor and he said give her some time, bc we are about to do emdr. Not all the therapists are trained in it. I have a HUGE trauma history and they are really pushing I do emdr about this bath phobia I've had since I had a panic attack in the bath in april of last yr.

Better to find someone that can help you than realize later that they weren't capable.

I gave up on therapists.
I stick with psychiatrists only because i have to
My pdoc actually agreed none of them were helping and agreed i should not go back to any of them
Have a good friend with long time OCD and he gave up as well
Not to say there isnt a few good ones out there...

I've also given up on therapist but my pdoc schedules 45 minute appointments so I have a chance to talk with him about what is going on. My impression from online accounts is that therapists tend to be a source of drama for a lot of people.

went thru eap at work ... 8 visits .... so I tried a psychologist ... 1st time for me ... he talked continously about himself ... told me to sell something and travel to korea ( another story ) ... and kept asking himself out load wondering if insurance would pay to test me ...

my first and last dealing with a psychologist ....

I had a therapist in grad school who evaluated me and passed me on because she felt she "couldn't meet my needs". I had been severely depressed the last semester of grad school and my therapist at the time saw me 4x/week for long sessions to keep me out of the hospital. I was much, much better when I started grad school but that history was too much for her. I was glad that she was honest although I hated the person she referred me to and I think I would have liked her. So I saw the other one for a few weeks and then went to a private place on a sliding scale.

I wonder now if they might have caught my bipolar then if I'd stuck with person #1 who seemed more competent. But I wasn't ready so it probably wouldn't have mattered.

I am sorry BirdDancer, but I could see it being a sign they don't feel equipped than anything to do with you being "too much". I felt weird seeing this one therapist for CBT. He just seemed uncomfortable by my anxiety and restlessness, which just made me feel weirder. He seemed frustrated or something, but then I realized he might feel bad he didn't know how to help me. Still wasn't a great experience, though.
My current therapist does not seem easily frazzled by emotions, and seems much more ready to dive in and help me which is just great because it makes me feel way less weird. I hope you find someone that can help.

It's probably also good she admitted she wasn't right. I had a therapist I liked a great deal for 4 years. I was devastated when she moved away and I had to change. But it turned out that when she'd said she wasn't very familiar with bipolar she meant she really didn't know what she was doing so she was kind to me and let me just chatter every week. My new therapist made me work and knew how to teach me how to handle my symptoms. I've gotten a lot better with him and if she were still there I'd probably still (13 years later) be seeing her and not progressing much but enjoying talking about my cats. That has a role but it's not everything.

Most of my T’s that I’ve had are too squishy for me to be completely honest with. My first good T was a crisis counselor before me. I was able to write all my crazy down and she’d read it and we’d deal with it in session. She’d knew I was scared of php and the crisis center so she never mentioned them. Even when I should have gone on an AP she never pushed it. When I told her that any other T will hospitalize me. She told me probably but that’s how you know a T isn’t right for you. They have to trust you as much as you trust them. Even when you don’t trust yourself. When I would push about the medication I was on and how unfair it was. She’d tell me stories about people where when off meds they had horrible lives and how meds are to improve quality of life. She took all my crazy. She did work with a “Team” it was my son’s T, my husband’s T, my T and each of our drs. I’ve now started with a new T. In this clinic everyone keeps to themself. My pdoc and T share notes but that’s it. I go to community mental health places as they are more likely not to be scared off. I have had to pull my punches a few times with the squishy T’s.

But I haven't been hospitalized during all of my full blown manias. Have you? I’ve only been hospitalize 2x one when mixed and the other when depressed

This happened when I was 16 or 17. After my 2nd visit with a new provider she told my mom I was far too unwell to work with her and that I needed to be placed in a hospital. Consequentially, I met a therapist in IOP who I worked with me outside of the hospital for several years after.

Glad she axed at first visit. Life is too short to see a useless T

I’ve been ‘fired’ before. It wasn’t fun at the time but I got over it. I’ve also ‘fired’ a couple of mine. I’ve got very high expectations of my drs etc and don’t tolerate fools when I’m in an episode.

I have had a therapist who actually told me to get out of her office that I was fine and she couldn't help me; that what I really needed was to go back to one of the garbage NP's that I had seen for psych care. I actually walked out of both of there offices. Both the T and NP because honestly I thought they were both beyond stupid and I don't really like or respect stupid providers. She's like you are to Hypo to be reasoned with; she's like you are talking a mile a minute; like I have always talked super fast it was not my bipolar acting up. She refused to help me; she's like you just need a good pdoc and the right medication. You don't need someone to talk to; you have a boyfriend for support.

Like WTH I already give him enough of my issues at is; If I started to really tell him what is going on that will surely spell disaster; granted that relationship went up in smoke for another reason. She even threatened to write a note to my primary doctor that he shouldn't be prescribing my AP and that he should really encourage me to go to an actual pdoc. I'm like he's been my doctor for that issue; after seeing that NP he agreed to do the best he could with me even though he wasn't psych. He cares about my well being she never did.

She ended up writing him and he even showed me the letter; he's like I'm not going to tell you to get a pdoc since obviously you are hard to please and that's not going to work. He's like can you at least try and find another T just anyone he's like I honestly think a good therapist will help you out so much. He's like I will still play with your meds. He's like I'm not giving up on you; find a better therapist and be honest with me all the time; that's how this is going to work.

So yeah I have totally seen a T like that before. My Psych PA currently works in a group and I could see anyone in his group; realistically I should probably be someone else but most of them are female; and I'm not doing that ever again. So I'll stick with him even with the strange boundaries since he at least knows what he is talking about; not to mention actually praised my primary doc for his combo.

Kinda got long winded but I totally know where you are coming from.

OMG! Some people are just not cut out to be therapists. I don't care if they have done an undergraduate degree, honours, masters and a PhD. That don't mean jack if their personality, people skills, own psychological stability suck.

My T is a social worker with a honours, masters, Phd and two years training in understanding and prescribing meds(which is only useful in the US as the laws are different to Australia). He is also a senior professor at a prestigious university here. STILL, all that would be worthless if he didn't have the unique skills, that cannot be trained into someone, to be an amazing T.

Keep searching. Having the right T to fit your and your circumstances makes all the difference.

Thanks so much, everyone, for sharing your stories and thoughts on this! It makes me feel relieved about the situation. I actually was feeling a little disturbed for a bit afterwards. Finding a new therapist is hard enough.

I decided to post about my experience with this psychologist (with rating) on several of the doctor/therapist rating websites, as well as on Yelp. I want to spare other people (with significant diagnoses) of possibly having to pay for a first session needlessly. My post isn't exactly nasty. It's just a statement of what happened and a warning. The fact is, I spent the first 10 mins of that 45 mins meeting filling out paperwork. She asked about 6 questions and then 10 mins before the end she said she wouldn't accept me as a client. I paid over $100 for basically 25 mins of introduction. I'm on disability. I don't have the luxury of spending over $100 for naught.

I had a therapist tell me on my second visit with her that I had too many problems for her to deal with and she didn't want to reschedule another appt with me. It's not us, some therapists aren't equipped to handle some diagnoses, I think alot of them think it's just a chit chat session. I still haven't found one to help me yet with my problem.