FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
14 31.3k hugs
given |
#1
Not surprisingly, being Valentine's Day, a call came through from my ex-BF. I let it go to vm. I still feel quite firm about my decision in my head. And in my little book of reasons not to get hoovered in again. But. It has gotten me to wondering if someone is not abusing (or even using) substances at all, could they really change enough in what they do and how they think? Could they truly be so sorry as to make a radical change?
Or is it all just words..... He feels that it "wasn't him", doing what he did. He asks forgiveness, which seems to at least indicate that he accepts responsibility for what he did. Or does it? Can suffering big consequences from a major judgement error make one so truly sorry that they make radical change? To reiterate, I'm holding firm. And he's not pressuring anything at all, only ever referring to a hope for some time in the future. And for my part, I'm approaching the whole thing with exceeding caution. Serious, serious proof would need to take place for me to even consider. I'm especially curious to hear from folks who have had substance abuse issues. Double bonus points if you could be described as having sociopathic tendencies. (Please don't move this thread to another area. I need feedback from those who know me and know the backstory. Thanks.) __________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
|
Reply With Quote |
beauflow, BeyondtheRainbow, cashart10, MickeyCheeky, wiretwister
|
beauflow, MickeyCheeky, ~Christina
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#2
I don't know your backstory, Innerzone, so unfortunately I don't have a lot of advice to give to you But yes, I do believe people can change. After all, that's why we're all here, right? We want to change. But I think it's wise to be careful. Lots of people say that they have changed, but it doesn't take long to understand that that's not true at all. And change doesn't happen overtime. Especially if it's related to substance abuse. It can take several years. I don't know how much time has passed, but I'd be very careful. Even just letting him into your life again would mean opening up a lot of previous scars again - and it would take even more time to get over them. Do you think it's worth it? Only you can answer that. It certainly wouldn't be easy. I'd suggest to just move on and start with someone else if you can. That's just my opinion, though. The final decision is up to you. I'm so sorry you've been through all of this, you didn't deserve it all. Please don't give up. I know it's hard. I admire your strength and will. I hope you'll feel better soon. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous46341, bizi
|
bizi, Innerzone
|
Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
(SuperPoster!)
5 192 hugs
given |
#3
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
|||
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous46341, bizi, Innerzone
|
beauflow, bizi, Innerzone
|
Member
Member Since Dec 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 473
8 5 hugs
given |
#4
People do fundamentally change sometimes, but mostly they just get older LOL.
It's probably best to not engage at all. I'm sorry you went thru the experience, must have been very hard on you. Just my opinion but seems like a selfish move on his part to contact on V-Day of all days!! Seems impulsive and if he is doing great, well-situated, etc, he would reach out last week, last month, next week, next month versus Valentines' day. Which may be indicative of the actions you should take, which is probably zero. Hang in there. |
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous46341, bizi
|
bizi, Innerzone
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12 12.7k hugs
given |
#5
I think in regards to him and how the relationship was for you ??? No I don’t think he can change and it be a true change.
As mentioned calling on V day ? That sounds like a manipulative go at you. I feel people can quit “ things” cigs, alcohol, drugs.... but fundamentally? Nope , short term , maybe .... long haul Nope. __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous46341, bizi
|
Innerzone
|
Reply |
|