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Old 03-04-2019, 11:29 PM #1
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Default Bipolar 1 emptiness and disconnection

Has anyone bipolar 1 ever find something to fill the emptiness which feels like a black hole? Constanly looking for something new to fill the boredom?

During the week I'm so manic and I get the office pumped and ready. When Friday comes around I'm actually sad and go into a depressed mood till Monday. Tuesday I'm back to it and I'm rocking and rolling.

I hate my home life because it's totally fake. But I ask myself is the grass greener anywhere else? No its not. I've dated so many women and men to find something but to come up empty handed. When I had a full blowout manic episode I'd try to find anyone that could make me happy. I had 3 girlfriends concurrent for awhile and was able to handle them with ease. Every once in awhile I'll settle with one of them for a few months. It wouldnt take long for me to absolutely hate them. I'd literally get sick of my gf and dump them and get a new one the next day or that night.


My stages consists of mid to high level mania 24/7. I never sleep more than 6hrs unless I'm depressed which I can just stay in bed all day.

I absolutely hate people and I rather spend my day alone on a project/hobby. The only real friends I had where bipolar guys like me was back in high school. We went on some crazy nights of hitting party after party picking up chicks here and there being manic as hell. But after high school everyone went their separate ways and ending all the fun. Never could find more friends not even in college that I could relate with. I was on the road of loneliness for 10 years till I found another person like myself.

I think I use to work 7 days a week so I didnt have to think about real life. When I was at work i was manic and goal driven. I'd work in a high stress with lots of deadlines job. I love being so busy that time literally flies and could work 7 days a week no problem. But I'm still lonely no matter what. I think that's just part of it, having that emptiness.

I do feel a massive change in my life coming soon. Time to advance forward to a new challenge and chapter in my life.

Thank for reading and replying to the post for those that understand and are going through the same thing.
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Old 03-05-2019, 12:35 AM #2
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Default Re: Bipolar 1 emptiness and disconnection

I dont have a situation even really that close to yours but thought I would say I hope things do get better for you and that this new chaptet is super positive.

I do understand some of it though. The emptiness but maybe mine is different. I have a family and only work a few days a week. My H and children are the only people I have and I even come close to losing them. I definitely have suffered more from depression in my life so I dont know the most of the time manic part. My manic episodes are normally quite short lived like a week to a month and arent pretty, productive things for more than a couple of days.

I think my emptiness is the feeling that I need to do more, I need to be me more. I am missing a part of me but its not people, its who I am. The more mania I have the more I find myself and then euthymia seems dead though. Do you know who you are and what you want? Then focus all the energy that you can into those things.

The things I hear you saying are that you are lonely and tired of the mad rush leaving everything(people,hobbies,ideas etc) in the dust behind you. Correct me if Im wrong though, stupid internet disconnect makes it hard.

If I am right the best thing I can think of for you is figuring out a way to slow things down so everything else can catch up. Are you on meds and do you think they are best ones for you at this point? The only other thing I can say is my shadow is the only thing that can keep up with me when I am up. That isnt advice lol just something that keeps me from feeling lonely when there are no friends and my family has fallen too far behind.

Sorry if this was useless. Too quiet here, now back to drinking and dancing
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Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder?

Meds:
Depakote
Welbutrin
Seroquel

I didn't want any flowers, I only wanted
to lie with my hands turned up and be
utterly empty. How free it is,
you have no idea how free.
- Sylvia Plath
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