yesterday after dinner I took a walk to the shopp

it was nice in the cool air, and rather quiet too

baught some lucasade

came home and watched young sheldon which was actually quite funny, for once in my life I enjoyed watching it (I don't often enjoy it, his voice annoys me) but the whole saga with the sandwich made me smile

despite it being a quiet night without flashbacks I didn't get rest. back was far too painfull to lie down.

today I am feeling horrible. it's the start of brittish summertime (well it's not, but it's what they say when the clocks go forward)

I hate the longer hours of light, I hate the warmer weather, I hate the ****ing bugs because I'm alergic, from now until november life's basically a ****ing screw up

[bizi]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

bought some lucasade

What is that?
bizi
It sounds like you had a good day.

[Innerzone]

Bizi, Lucozade is a brand of soft drink -- sports and energy sorts.

Well, today's the last day for me at the shop. After doing some work, I've gotta bring everything home from my locker there. (The official last day is tomorrow, but I'll be at work then.) It's sad, but I've resigned myself to it. There are leads on another place or two, but this was good because it was "free" (labor exchange). We'll see where things go. I may just focus on drawing.

Had a last-minute MeetUp the other night. It was pretty fun. Talked about an upcoming event that sounded pretty good. Turns out that one of them is in another MeetUp group that I am in too (I am in 3), but she doesn't go to anything.

Good to see some folks that haven't been around the thread in awhile!

[pirilin]

Present.
Cold subsiding slowly.
Yesterday, I hugged and kissed my next door neighbor.
And started coughing. She looked at me like a criminal.
I told her is going away, but she wasn't convinced.
Bet she went for a pound of Zicam.

[yellow_fleurs]

Had acupuncture, went hiking today and got lunch with a friend. It is a beautiful day. My joints are a bit inflammed. I think I should go back to a rheumatologist, but am pretty sure they won't have much to offer me based on past experiences.

[GoldenSnitch]

I woke up feeling terrible but got out of bed and went to watch my daughter dance. That always makes me feel better. Then my mom and grandma came over and cleaned my house. I’m embarrassed and ashamed that I can’t keep up the house myself.

[Wander]

Woke up hungover from anti-anxiety meds that I don’t usually have to take. One cigarette and two coffees and I’m almost there. Today I have another marathon call with Apple trying to fix my iMac. Have spent at least 10 hours on the phone to them in the last week! We almost lost my Mac and had to throw it away. It seems to be running ok now and now we have to reinstall programs and files I lost.

After that I’m going for a swim at the beach. My favourite thing (as I constantly say on here). Hopefully that will shake off some of my feelings of terror and lift my mood, as well as exercise my body. Later a friend is calling to support me in my struggle. She is the only friend I can turn to right now so it will be awesome to chat to her. Unfortunately she lives on the other side of Australia, about 3500 miles away.

[wildflowerchild25]

It was gorgeous out today. I was able to get out to two stores courtesy of RS and buy my son and I new shoes and my son new headphones for school. Then we came home and sat outside for awhile. Well, I sat and my son and RS kicked a ball around. I got a little sunburned! I’ll have to invest in some good sunscreen for the summer.

My back is very sore around the incision today. I read online that about a week after surgery is when the muscles start healing from the trauma and that can increase pain. Still, I am worried about infection. I see my surgeon on Friday and I’m sure he will look at the incision so I’m not too worried about it. I wish I had an ice pack though. I just took a muscle relaxer and a pain pill so I should be feeling better soon.

Moodwise I’m doing well. I am not brooding about my late husband today. I guess because I had such a good time with RS. Tomorrow we will see how it goes. I’ll be alone with my son for most of the day. But I should be fine.

Hugs to everyone!

[~Christina]

Hello peoples !

Not a blip since I stopped Latuda. No withdrawals ( go me) my mood is stable. Just can’t wait til vacation !

Really nothing to report.

Hugs and cookies to all that need it ~

[Sunflower123]

Tough day today. Mom is still recovering from that fall on the escalator and they found an aggressive cancer on the back of her arm. I just changed the dressing for the first time and realized how extensively they had to cut to remove it. It worries me.

I have a close family friend who works at Belk offer to get me at their discount two pairs of yellow box flip flops. I love them so much I wear them year round. My friend stiffed me for the shoes and the money. It cost me $30 and a long friendship. Really disturbed about that...the friendship.

I’m trying to keep an open heart and open mind about seeing this new NP on Tuesday but I find myself both doubtful and resentful. My appointment is for 1 hour and I’d like to start off on the right foot if I can get over my attitude.

Goal for tomorrow: be more positive. Thanks for letting me vent.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I just realized I didn't update last night; bad me I know. I just don't really have a lot to report had an odd event happen to me yesterday at work which threw me for a bit of a loop. I stayed up late working on school work which really hurt. I am glad it's the weekend so that I got to sleep in today. My body and brain really needed that.

I didn't really do a lot stayed at home and dealt with things that need to be done before the coming week. I also went to refill my medication organizer and I have two days left of Verapamil glad I see my Cardio on Monday. He refuses to give me more than a months worth until my EKG and exam comes back good and then I get my medication. I just hate my organizer missing meds which means I have to fill it out twice instead of once. I just really don't want to see my Cardiologist I have enough to worry about this week that I don't need to worry about my heart.

M's surgery this week and we are trying to get everything in order; packing for the hospital; getting the dogs packed up to go to G's for a while. It's starting to worry me; because it's beginning to feel more real. Like come next week I will be sitting in a waiting room full of worry.

I got my school work done for next week though so that is good that I don't have to worry about if I turned in that assignment or not that way I can just focus on what I need to do as a girlfriend and helping him heal.

I got an email from my school stating that I am graduating at least Magna and if I get all A's this semester that it will be Summa. So I am really excited about that. :dancingchili: Odd to think that in a little more than a month I will finally have my Bachelor's. My next big hurdle is the Master's degree; still going to be working full time hopefully. My job is really preparing me for my future as a Clinic Practice Manager. I don't really want the CEO life; I like the life my boss and I have.

Sunday School and Church tomorrow and then one day of work and a visit with my Cardio. I am hanging in there; still really worried but I am trying to have faith in M's surgeon.

Hugs to everyone

~Christina thank you for the cookies they were just as good as last time.

[tecomsin]

So I did something I never did before. I set up an electronic, anonymous, private and secure election on the helios website. It took some fiddling and quite a bit of persistence for me to get an election to actually work properly . but I persisted and got it to work. This was a 2 person election but helios is free no matter how big the voting population is in the file you upload for private elections. For anyone familiar with the anonymous fellowships, this is a way to take group conscience that anyone can set up even world wide.

Voting is easy and you get a tracker and the admin clicks a button to send the results to everyone on the voter list.

My first referendum was for two voters:
Does an anonymous God exist?
yes 1
no 0
maybe 1
not sure 0
none of the above 0

this project is within the spirit of all of the 12 step programs. If anyone would like to be on a voter list all i would store would be your email, not your name or anything else. Also looking for suggestions on questions. Just pm and I can give you my email address.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hello peoples !

Not a blip since I stopped Latuda. No withdrawals ( go me) my mood is stable. Just can’t wait til vacation !

Really nothing to report.

Hugs and cookies to all that need it ~

So good to hear from you, I've been wondering how it was going off the AP. Good to hear that things are boring

today in the UK it's mothers day.

I don't have a mother, (or a mother that wants anything to do with me), so today's hard

made slightly easier though by the fact that comercials for it arn't everywhere like most years. just sucks that in sted of going out with my mother like most individuals, I'm staying in doing **** all.

yesterday I had a panic attack because I only had 5 peaces of chicken for dinner (all that was in the house), and I can't cope with odd numbers

I also really dislike my new body spray, the smell of it does not apeal (does not smell that womanlike)

[Unrigged64072835]

I’ve been stuck in traffic on the freeway for almost 1 ½ hours. Fire trucks, 4 highway patrol cars, sheriff, rescue, the works. Life Flight in and out. Suspect multi car crash with fatalities, but nothing on any news sites. Funny thing was my husband went this way to avoid another freeway with heavy traffic and slowdowns. No exits past the accident. All for another hard drive.

Guess it could be worse.

ETA: we’re moving again so it may not be as bad.

[Wander]

Woke up at 3 am. Four hours restless sleep will have to do for today as I’m wired. Anxiety. At least I don’t have much on today. Errands, swim and continuing to fix my Mac. Now it’s 4 am. Thinking of getting petrol soon before rush hour. My empty light is on. What an exciting life I live.

My partner has warned me that he will leave if I don’t stop arguing with him all the time. He’s right but my anxiety just can’t walk away from a conversation if I feel it’s not finished. Then it escalates. He is also tired of hearing about my issues. He is not a jerk. All my life I have lost almost every friend or partner due to my behaviour that is mostly caused by my illness, and of course my personality. I am distraught. Am I destined to be alone, and is this my fault?

Here on PC I’m ready to walk away. I feel I’m only doing the same thing, pushing people away and making myself unpopular. My suffering is great but I whine about it too much. Probably boring you all at best. No one here has hurt me. I just feel I’m not helping here and that everyone would be better off if I left.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Wander

Woke up at 3 am. Four hours restless sleep will have to do for today as I’m wired. Anxiety. At least I don’t have much on today. Errands, swim and continuing to fix my Mac. Now it’s 4 am. Thinking of getting petrol soon before rush hour. My empty light is on. What an exciting life I live.

My partner has warned me that he will leave if I don’t stop arguing with him all the time. He’s right but my anxiety just can’t walk away from a conversation if I feel it’s not finished. Then it escalates. He is also tired of hearing about my issues. He is not a jerk. All my life I have lost almost every friend or partner due to my behaviour that is mostly caused by my illness, and of course my personality. I am distraught. Am I destined to be alone, and is this my fault?

Here on PC I’m ready to walk away. I feel I’m only doing the same thing, pushing people away and making myself unpopular. My suffering is great but I whine about it too much. Probably boring you all at best. No one here has hurt me. I just feel I’m not helping here and that everyone would be better off if I left.

I value your words. I hope you don't leave. If you do leave I hope you stick around long enough for me to say thank you for what you have shared. It made me feel less alone.

I'm sorry about the issues with your partner. I have trouble walking away too when I feel like there's more to say, but I've learned my timing sucks sometimes. What is the point of using your words when there are no ears to hear them the way you hoped? I find I usually have a chance to make my point more gracefully if I wait.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi Wander, I hope you stay here on PC. I can only speak for myself, but I would like you to stay and I see no reason others would want you to leave as you contribute to this community and are kind to others.
I am sorry you are having a hard time with your relationship right now. I know mental illness has strained my relationships at times. Is this something you have tried working on in therapy? Sending you compassion

[Scooter9]

@Wander I think you should stay and continue contributing here. I know I'm not bored of what you write. We all need support sometimes.

I had a chance today to relive some good and intense memories from when I was young. I visited a place that was important to me when I was young and it brought back lots of good memories. I'm glad I had that chance today.

I was out with some friends today and found myself overwhelmed by all the voices and faces. I managed to stay engaged but switched off as soon as I got home. It was nice but too much for me.

I'm feeling low again today but I'm getting by. Here's hoping for a better tomorrow.

[Wander]

Thanks Scooter, Fern, and yellow-fleurs. You have encouraged me to stay here for now. I’m very self-conscious now.

Still, I will add to my update. I managed to get petrol and go for a swim. I swam hard, probably due to anxiety. Trying to burn it off. As I have Fibromyalgia, which is mild atm, I may crash later but it was worth it. My anxiety is less now. Trying to get in contact with my psychiatrist to get an Ativan script for my pharmacy given blister packs. As the pharmacy has already supplied 20 of their own (and also tried to contact my pdoc), if I don’t get a script by Thursday I will have to go without for four days which would be a disaster. Will try GP but my meds are so controlled she may refuse.

Trying to call the welfare line but they’ve been engaged all morning. If I get through it’s an hour wait. Need more staff. Want to nap. Tired but wired. So YouTube it is for now.