[tecomsin]

Well my son got a job offer that he was expecting. I will see how much he negotiates with them. I am very excited and kind of nervous.

[PeterPandora]

Emotionally charged to say the least. You did extremely well holding yourself together. Even the fondest of memories can undo someone on the best of days. Hugs xx

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finally opened the box with my father's ashes. I needed a form that was in there. I didn't pull the box with the ashes out and just got a look that it is solid black plastic. He's resting now in my basement on my tool shelf. He liked tools so I think he would be happy there (and my house is too small to have another really good place).

The death certificate has about 8 causes of death, many of them things that would have killed him one at a time much less all at once.

Next is paperwork for his burial benefits.

[Nammu]

Hello Peter, welcome to the bipoar forum

[PeterPandora]

Hi, been a few years since I've been here under was other user name, but I'm not that person anymore. Came back because it's time to be amidst friends and interchange with those who understand. I just lost my therapist after years and years and I don't know where to turn.

Thank you for the kind welcome.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Having a meltdown. 4 weeks from my father's death and the tears finally started. I wanted to do this my therapist but apparently I just needed to listen to my father's favorite music and I'm verging on a panic attack. I guess I need to play youtube music in therapy? (OK, opening the box with the ashes had a role but I've melted into a sobbing mess and having to focus on breathing for whatever reason). I put my father in my garage.....how weird is that?????

[PeterPandora]

That's not wierd, i don't think so. I loved your logic to tell you the truth, he loved tools. I'm a carpenter, so to think that someone would be so thoughtful....i think you are in your own way celebrating the man you remember, and that's both joyous and incredibly painful, given its trying to deal with both past and present.

Be kind to yourself. No one, no matter how strong mentally, would find what you've done easy. Unless they were cold, numb, or processed the thoughts you a point where pain no longer existed. Out of thoughtfulness, kindness, respect, wanting him to be remembered as you saw him. And there's not a lot of things more triggering than music our photos, for they both drag us into the past, for better or worse depending on thoughts and memories we attach to them.

Square breathing, simulate your senses, smell, touch, grab something out of the freezer and feel the cold, wall outside and describe out loud tge first three things you see to help with the panic.

Most of all, remember you're human, allowed to hurt, to feel pain, and it's ok to let it out. It shows what sort a person you are inside. From what you've said, that's a very loving person.

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Having a meltdown. 4 weeks from my father's death and the tears finally started. I wanted to do this my therapist but apparently I just needed to listen to my father's favorite music and I'm verging on a panic attack. I guess I need to play youtube music in therapy? (OK, opening the box with the ashes had a role but I've melted into a sobbing mess and having to focus on breathing for whatever reason). I put my father in my garage.....how weird is that?????

[Wander]

Utterly exhausted. I think I broke myself swimming so hard for so long. I was so anxious I couldn’t stop. Now Fibromyalgia has hit hard so although I can’t sleep (thanks insomnia) I can rest. My partner is here sleeping next to me. It is 2.15 pm. At least he’s happy to rest too. Still we need to do some errands. My partner hates feeling pressured but he also avoids doing things when they absolutely have to be done. Anxiety I guess.

My anxiety has been awful. I find myself staring at nothing most of the time. I just shut down. I want to run away but I know I can’t escape it. I use breathing and other techniques and to be honest they suck. Best things are distraction, beach and laying in bed listening to the birds. See T tomorrow. Will begin to with my terror of dying. I feel sick and can’t eat much. My T is great so I’m sure he will guide the process correctly.

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well my severe dry mouth is just as bad today. I have already drank a gallon and still going.

I lugged my water with me to my rheumatologist appt and had to drink water twice while I was talking to the doctor, he said it’s great to stay hydrated yeah but this is outrageous.

Got a lot of things done over the weekend , need to find a new vanity for a bathroom, saw a ok one at Home Depot but I want to check at Lowe’s also. We also are putting new flooring down on the bathroom. Once that’s done the only other thing we need to update is our bathroom and then it’s all done.

Vacation in 14 days

Home Reno’s make you feel good

And yay vacation!! Have a great time

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Much more stable than I have been in a long time. Enjoying being back here after being gone so long. Today I cleaned out my desk and some drawers and my entertainment center. I enjoyed good music and some incense. I also applied to a bunch of part-time jobs - I had a call with a case worker who said some promising things about the Ticket-To-Work Program. So happy to start getting my life in order!

This is amazing!! Good for you

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Having a meltdown. 4 weeks from my father's death and the tears finally started. I wanted to do this my therapist but apparently I just needed to listen to my father's favorite music and I'm verging on a panic attack. I guess I need to play youtube music in therapy? (OK, opening the box with the ashes had a role but I've melted into a sobbing mess and having to focus on breathing for whatever reason). I put my father in my garage.....how weird is that?????

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I woke up for the bathroom and my eyes are so red and swollen I look like I have a mutant pink eye because I cried so much. Thing is that now that I've cried it's going to be a lot easier.. Plus all it takes is his favorite music. He loved this musician so much that I'm named for one of his songs. There's lot ofti so probably an endless stream of possible songs.

Anyway, hope my eyes recover by 3 when I have to go ut in public and don't want to scare people.

I go to the psychiatrist tomorrow -- not a whole lot to report. I'm on the sad side but a lot better than I was. I think the meds are working to the extent they really can. I hope it goes well.

[Scooter9]

I finished my book after a few marathon writing sessions.

I published it on Amazon and it's waiting for approval.

I'll post a thread once it's approved and I can make it free for a few days.

I was hoping that the project would elevate my mood but I had some bad days while I was writing, but I managed to finish it anyway. I'm glad it's done.

Congrats on your accomplishment, Scooter! It must feel great to have finished such a big and important project.

I finally washed my hair after who knows how long. I don't know why I hate that task so much. I do shower a lot more often, but usually with a shower cap on. I think I felt motivated to finally wash my hair because of my therapy appointment today. I didn't have therapy last week since she was away.

I think my therapist will be a great help this week. I need to set some goals and having accountability really helps me. I am not depressed, but have motivation issues all the same. I think there is some fear involved. Fear of taking more next steps.

Tonight I will attend the second lecture of a modern China lecture series I signed up for. Last week's was only so-so. Tonight's should be much more interesting and significant. Next week's could potentially be the most useful. I'll be angry at myself if I miss that one.

[fern46]

Congrats Scooter on the book. You cranked that out so quickly! I'm still working on my maybe book, but I am still in the process of researching and outlining.

Today has been a good one so far. I spent several hours at a park by the lake. The sun came out and it was nice.

My anxiety has been better overall since my pdoc reduced my Risperdal. I see him again on Thursday and I am hoping he drops it altogether.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by fern46

Congrats Scooter on the book. You cranked that out so quickly! I'm still working on my maybe book, but I am still in the process of researching and outlining.


Today has been a good one so far. I spent several hours at a park by the lake. The sun came out and it was nice.


My anxiety has been better overall since my pdoc reduced my Risperdal. I see him again on Thursday and I am hoping he drops it altogether.


Wishing everyone a wonderful day.

Thanks! I was about half way through the last time I posted and I really made a major push to get it done. I spent far too much time writing but I wanted to get it done and off my plate.

What helped me most was following my own table of contents so I knew how much work was left to do and I could see my progress. It's non fiction so that makes a difference too. I think fiction is harder to write.

Stick with it, you'll finish it when you need to

[Scooter9]

@BirdDancer thanks! It was an experience for sure.

I'm debating whether to start another one or just write a bunch of blog posts.

I thinking of writing about journaling and feel I could write a short book about it.

[downandlonely]

Congrats on the book @Scooter9!

[LadyShadow]

Really good day. It may be gloomy and damp outside, but I am floating on Cloud 9!

[Unrigged64072835]

Email from insurance company said the letter about my father’s insurance policy was legit. Sent information back to my brother and he filed the claim. At least that is done and I’ve done my sisterly duty.

No news about the accident on Sunday, though we did see a broken truck and boat being towed off at the time.

Have some fabric and thread so sewing will ensue. At least I hope so or else it’ll be a long, boring month.

My sleep is becoming more sporadic. I’ve also had more periods of feeling hyper. May be spring fever, but will keep an eye on it.

Love and hugs for those who want them.