Bipolar Check-In Thread #33 - Page 23 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 03-20-2019, 08:20 PM #221
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Been cleaning all day with short breaks here and there , my back is hella pissed !

Oh and I burnt some cabbage I was cooking down going to make my gleaming clean house smell grrrr
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Old 03-20-2019, 09:55 PM #222
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Hello everyone; I hope everyone is doing well today. I am starting to feel anxious and worried about tomorrow. Really it seems to be the only thing my brain wants to think about which is so very nice. Work was alright had some complaints to deal with; it would be so nice to go a day without someone complaining about something.

Sorry again not really in an updating mood.

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Old 03-20-2019, 10:07 PM #223
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I'm working my way through the grief book my therapist lent me. It's actually a workbook but I decided to read first and then go through the workbook if he thinks it will help. I'm not sure I'm yet in the place that I'll benefit; I think I'm one step before the workbook stuff starts and need to address that first.

I feel like I'm not allowed to grieve because I did 20 years ago. But I have all sorts of new feelings and things I haven't allowed myself to feel for 20 years (or longer) and I need to sort through that and feel worthy to grieve before I can do it.

His obituary ran in the local paper for where I grew up this week. Nobody reached out to say "I'm sorry". I know people have good reason to not think well of him but I thought at least one person would say something. But if it were me I'd probably not know what to say either.

Otherwise a decent day. I walked my mom's dogs so I got some exercise which is good. I have done 2 loads of laundry in 2 days which is at least accomplishing something. I've been struggling with that lately; I am just tired and low motivation since his death. I'm learning this is normal but I would like a day or two off.
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:34 AM #224
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Saw my pdoc at 10am. He was concerned about my levels of agitation and anxiety and what they compel me to do so he suggested IP. I want to try alternative options as I hate IP and only got out of my last horror admission (the episode was horror not the staff) six weeks ago. He gave me a script for a strong benzo to deal with the anxiety and requested I take Haldol. I thought my pharmacy was holding all my meds but they had thrown out my Haldol as I was not currently using it. So they sent a message to my pdoc to fax the script. It is 2.30pm and he has not got back to them. I hope it comes through soon as I need relief.

If I am not feeling calmer by tomorrow he wants me to contact him and I will go IP once a bed is available. My pdoc told me we would get through this as I despair another episode and feel I cannot handle anymore. I fear for my life if these meds don't work ASAP. I went for a swim to try and lift my mood and burn some rage off. I felt better for a bit but am drowning again. Why do I keep getting mixed episodes so often? I have a great pdoc who fights to help me and is very skilled. Mixed episodes are notoriously hard to treat. I can't live like this and I don't know how to escape.
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Old 03-21-2019, 05:23 AM #225
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Wander, have you ever tried clozapine? That is what stopped (at least lessened greatly) my constant mixed episodes. I haven't had a bad one in the 3 years I've been on clozapine compared tn pretty constantly prior to that.
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Old 03-21-2019, 05:55 AM #226
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

my back is killing me today

litirally, I spent the morning picking up falling clothes from my wardrobe, and if their's one thing bad backs can't stand is leaning down to pick things up (it's ashame that my grabber can't pick up clothes)

that aside, I'm actually glad that today shouldn't be too stressfull

the last few days i've been planning for meetings, been anxious about meetings, (yesterday I had a really intense meeting), i just need a break from the anxiety

it's not over yet (because their's more meetings to come), but for now I can hopefully start to relax (even though my version of relaxing is sitting in a chair in terrible pain)

no anxiety though. that's the main thing
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Old 03-21-2019, 05:59 AM #227
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Update: my pdoc never faxed through the Haldol script. It is 7pm now so I have another night of hell with agitation. I just can't concentrate, even on TV. I can't bring myself to clean or find any real way to distract myself so I have been curled up in a ball for a few hours. Now I am going to try to eat something and ramble through YouTube until I can find sleep.

Beyondtherainbow. I have heard Clozapine is great in that way for some people but cannot bear the thought of the side effects and constant blood tests. It seems like too high a price to pay.
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Old 03-21-2019, 06:37 AM #228
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander View Post
Update: my pdoc never faxed through the Haldol script. It is 7pm now so I have another night of hell with agitation. I just can't concentrate, even on TV. I can't bring myself to clean or find any real way to distract myself so I have been curled up in a ball for a few hours. Now I am going to try to eat something and ramble through YouTube until I can find sleep.

Beyondtherainbow. I have heard Clozapine is great in that way for some people but cannot bear the thought of the side effects and constant blood tests. It seems like too high a price to pay.
I'm sorry you didn't get your meds. That's incredibly frustrating. I know you don't want to go IP and I hope it works out, but at least you'll have access to meds and help around the clock if you do end up going. Mixed states are awful. May you find your way back to balance soon. Hugs.
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Old 03-21-2019, 12:28 PM #229
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Checking inó

Finished the tank top. A couple of minor things to fix but it looks and feels good. I need to do some other learning on the sewing machine before I tackle the next project. I havenít really sewed knits before so thatíll be a challenge.

Made a whole bunch of quick breads yesterday. Zucchini nut bread, apple spice bread, pumpkin nut bread. I also made apple waffles and buttermilk pancakes. Iím done just in time to empty out the big freezer because itís frosting up. I also went to a park but there was nothing blooming and a biting wind. Brrrr! My back and sides have been in agony, and I hardly slept at all last night. I just hope to be awake enough to make dinner, because I may not be.

I hope youíre doing well, or recovering, or getting support for whatever youíre going through. Lots of love and hugs if you need them.
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:11 PM #230
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Default Re: Bipolar Check-In Thread #33

Fhairraige, I bet it smells wonderful in your kitchen! I love sweet breads and make them often, too.

Unlike several days before, today I had comparatively low energy and felt a bit down. I haven't been taking good care of myself. I had some OK eating days, but then again several that were overkill.

My husband has been spending money on unnecessary things, plus we've had some appliance breakdowns, not to mention our deck repair not long ago. I never really skimp on groceries, but I tend to skimp on other "me" things, while hubby doesn't. My hair looks bad enough that I finally had to schedule some appointment. Grays are showing and my bangs are way too long. I actually made an appointment at a salon that looks cheaper, but then chickened out and cancelled it and made an appointment with my usual hair stylist. My husband's hair cuts cost $35 plus $5 tip at his barber. There are super cheap cuts at "Hair Clips" but that's got a 1 out of 5 star rating. We've seen the bad results. I've had to go to expensive places for a while since my hair is quite a challenge. I have a huge mass of curly hair. The wrong cut can be a disaster! I've even grown used to the excellent job my hair stylist does with my color. But $35 plus $5 tip? OMG! For a cut and blow dry alone I spend over $100. For a cut, color of my grays, highlights, and a conditioning treatment (which is helpful) I can spend close to $300 plus $50 tip. It's outrageous! To save money, I just rarely get my hair done. Months can pass.
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Last edited by BirdDancer; 03-21-2019 at 01:31 PM.
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