[pirilin]

I'm lazy. Since birth. Took eleven hours in labor.
A true procrastinator. Act in the last millisecond.
My motto: "Never do today what you can do tomorrow".

Guess what, I want to act now and can't.
I dunno if it's this cold still, or I'll be like this from now on.
I hope not.
Even if I always did anything other that what needed
to be done, I was active and engaged.
Now it's like I'm half dead. Floating in limbo.
I'm not depressed. And I'm acting more judiciously.
This has to stop.
I need to be rattling and destroying this little town of 150,000.
I don't like this calm. Not used to.
Hope it changes for the better.
It's better to be called crazy than idiot.

Cheers.

[Sunflower123]

I really like my new NP. She met me at the door of the waiting room with her teacup chihuahua standing beside her. When we got to her office the dog curled up on a bean bag with a bohemian motif and went to sleep. Her office is decorated as if you were sitting in a room at her house that is warm and inviting. She called me girlfriend a time or two when she was trying to get a point across and she was thorough and knowledgeable. As I left the appointment, there was a jar of positive affirmations to pick from. Probably not everybody’s cup of tea but I’m pleased.

She even got me some special glasses for when I take the dog out at 4:00 A.M. that keeps the house lights from fully waking me up. I miss my old pdoc but she was a breath of fresh air I must admit. I’m grateful that this worked out.

In other news...I hate clothes shopping so much that I’ll just wear what I have until it wears out and I only have one or two things left to wear. I just spent three hours shopping hard to put together a small spring/summer wardrobe and I’m finally done. Yay! Pretty spring/summer clothes and no more shopping.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Thanks! I was about half way through the last time I posted and I really made a major push to get it done. I spent far too much time writing but I wanted to get it done and off my plate.

What helped me most was following my own table of contents so I knew how much work was left to do and I could see my progress. It's non fiction so that makes a difference too. I think fiction is harder to write.

Stick with it, you'll finish it when you need to

Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement. My writing is non-fiction as well. I'm relating a domain I'm an expert in to one I'm a little rusty at. It is requiring a good bit of research to refresh my memory properly, but I am enjoying the work. I'm not sure yet if I have quite enough material for an entire book, but I plan to keep chugging along until I know one way or the other.

[yellow_fleurs]

I was feeling great pretty much all day, but now that I am a bit tired after swimming and making dinner I am feeling rather irritable. Apparently any time I get mentally or physically run down the irritability comes back and often obsessive thoughts. It feels like residual issues from when I was on the Lexapro, it comes and goes without any stuff changing in my life. I need to find an insurance that covers acupuncture so I can go more often as that is one the few things that seems to keep me stable. Honestly things are decent though, if I had posted earlier this afternoon it would have been upbeat. Now I am cranky haha.

[~Christina]

I slept most all of the day away. I could have gotten up but why ? I had nothing pressing.

I made hot wings for dinner and it actually has helped my dry mouth surprisingly. Weird for sure

Tomorrow off to Lowe’s to have a look see. I need a vanity but I want one that I really love. Down the road a bit I need 2 for my bathroom and I’d like it to all to match. I’m really excited about giving this whole house a facelift .. We have done it all ourself.

I have pulled about a thousand carpet staples out , there is no reason that many was used. But the end result of new flooring made it all worth it.

I’m still fine off Latuda at about week 3 so past the half life bit and my brain is sorting out how to run sans med.

Hugs and cookies to everyone ~

[TheSeaCat]

Hello all; yes I know I didn't update Monday which I am sorry about and you probably won't see this update until Wednesday. I had a terrible Cardio appointment Monday; my EKG had my heart rate at 115; so I am back to biweekly visits with an increase of med. So kind of annoyed with that; I know my heart is important but it's honestly just stress. Just stress; because even with this new dose I am still in the 100's.

M's surgery is tomorrow; well today it's Wednesday my time now; so today. Kind of worried about it since it is such a big surgery.

Oh well I am trying to hang on in; it's pretty hard in all honestly.

Hugs to everyone

[Wander]

Happy Wednesday to all. I had a very late night with my partner last night. Binge watching Homeland and talking deeply. It was good. But it meant I didn’t get hardly any sleep again. Will have to take something tonight. It’s been too long since I’ve slept well, long, or at all.

Saw my T today for my first trauma therapy. It was rough but helpful. We both agree it’s going to be a bumpy ride for a while. He stated that he would pull the plug immediately if he felt I was in trouble. Comforting he has my back. Still, I’m terrified, anxious, get the thousand yard stare, and panic attacks. This is normal. I swing from functional to a curled up ball. I can handle all this as long as I can get my strength back to give me confidence I can survive another severe mixed episode. It’s dying while very unwell that terrifies me. I don’t know if anyone can understand. I’ve been through so many severe episodes and don’t exactly know why this one has almost finished me.

Sending hugs to others who are traumatised. It is a horrible experience to go through.

[bizi]

@Wander
Glad that your therapist has your back!
How often are you going?
bizi

TheSeaCat, I hope that as some of your stress eases your heart rate will lower again. I'm glad you take care of your heart.

I decided to take my evening meds at my usual time last night despite having to go out between 8 and 9:30 pm. I was fine when I got home and fell asleep at my usual time, waking up as usual in the ideal way. If I had waited until my return home to take my evening meds I likely wouldn't have fallen asleep until at least 3 am.

I should really do more housework today than I've been doing. Hubby hasn't said anything about my "vacation", but I don't want to make a habit of them.

[Scooter9]

So it looks like i can't post my book title and link since it might be considered advertising, which is understandable.

Originally Posted by Scooter9

So it looks like i can't post my book title and link since it might be considered advertising, which is understandable.

Do you have a blog outside of PC? I believe PC still lets people share external blog addresses. There is a sticky in this forum for sharing blog addresses. You would definitely be able to advertise your book as you like on an external blog. In fact, that's where many people advertise a variety of things. I can't imagine PC doesn't want me to write the words "external blog".

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Do you have a blog outside of PC? I believe PC still lets people share external blog addresses. There is a sticky in this forum for sharing blog addresses. You would definitely be able to advertise your book as you like on an external blog. In fact, that's where many people advertise a variety of things. I can't imagine PC doesn't want me to write the words "external blog".

I have a blog yeah. I might just do that! Thanks @BirdDancer

Went to psychiatrist's today. No med change, I go back in 3 months. It is what it is.

[wildflowerchild25]

Hello all. Haven’t updated in a couple days, mainly because there hasn’t been much to say. My back is healing nicely; I had intense pain over the weekend, I think due to inflammation and muscle spasms because as soon as I took Advil and flexeral the pain went away. Now I just have pain around the incision. I went for two walks yesterday, a short five minute one and a longer ten minute one with RS. The ten minute walk wore me out for sure. I have to work on getting my legs stronger as my doctor has me scheduled to tentatively go back to work in two weeks. Initially he had said six weeks so I’m not sure why he changed it to four but I don’t mind as long as I’m strong enough. I’d rather be at work. I still am technically not supposed to drive until I see him on Friday but I’ve been sneaking out. I just can’t stand to be holed up in the house. My mom would be upset with me for not following dr orders so I go when she’s at work. Imagine that, I’m nearly 32 years old and still sneaking around my mom! It’s pathetic really. But I don’t want to deal with her. I still have trouble climbing stairs. It’s going to be a long time before I can see my therapist in person because she has a big staircase leading up to her office and no elevator. But she’s been doing virtual sessions with me so I still “see” her.

RS and I are doing great. He’s been such a help through all this. He takes the trash out for me and picks up things in my room that I can’t reach because I’m not suppose to bend over and stuff like that. He’s been my rock. I’m so happy that I found him. He is so much better for me than my ex ever was.

My birthday is tomorrow and I’m super excited to go get my red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory! I only go there on my birthday because it’s so expensive and the wait is so long. On a Thursday night it shouldn’t be too bad though. I hope anyway. Other than that I don’t care about my birthday too much. My SIL and BIL are coming up on Saturday and we’re going to go to a new bar and grill for my birthday as well. Should be fun. I’m going to miss the punk rock flea market though because I can’t walk around for hours yet. I’m a little disappointed but maybe next year.

Moodwise I’m doing well! It’s officially spring and I’m so happy I can say I made it through winter with only two short, relatively mild depressive episodes. One ten days and the other only seven. That’s amazing! Still no sign of spring hypomania which is a good thing because even though it’s fun the crash is no fun at all. I’m also coming up on one year hospital free! My record since this ******** started is 2.5 years so I’m gonna try to beat that.

Hugs to all who need them!

wildflowerchild25, happy birthday in advance! I hope your back heals quickly and you enjoy that cake.

Early happy birthday, WildFlowerChild25! Glad to hear your boyfriend is so helpful. That really makes a difference. Enjoy your cheesecake!

I don't have much news. Piano is not going well. It snowed over the weekend and i was speechless. My mood continues low. I got out for lunch today, which was nice. Is anybody else getting a new look to their interface here? I like it -- more attractive and modern.

Hugs to all who need them!

[Sunflower123]

Happy early birthday wildflowerchild25! I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.

I’m checking in. Not much to report...sat in the sun enjoying the weather most of the day. Celebrating my brother’s birthday tonight.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Other than that I don’t care about my birthday too much.

Don't say that... You're 32 only once in your life. I turned 30 over 20 years ago and recall saying something similar at the time to myself (that it doesn't matter).

I wish I could go back and realize how special that moment was and how things will never be quite the same.

Enjoy your day, the cake, your son, and your boyfriend. Take lots of photos and make memories, you'll be glad you did.

Happy birthday! 😊

[GoldenSnitch]

Happy birthday wildflowerchild!!

I had a better day today than yesterday but I’m super stressed about waiting for my disability claim to be approved at work. T said I should consider hospitalization again.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by bizi

@Wander
Glad that your therapist has your back!
How often are you going?
bizi

Thanks Bizi. I’m going weekly. He’s my usual T who happens to have a specialty in PTSD., It’s great because I already have a strong bond with him. So I feel as safe I I can right now while talking with him. He’s treated me in the past with Complex PTSD from childhood trauma and I recovered. I have been over that for five years now. So I have a lot of practical skills already too which is great.