[tecomsin]

I am still trying to get off Olanzapine and was on 1/4 of a 2.5 mg pill last night but only slept just over 6 hours. I feel more secure now that I have a fitbit to tell me exactly how much I have been sleeping. I was just all stirred up last night over my meeting with my son.

First he couldn't be reached and failed to show up at a time we had agreed to and wasn't answering his phone or messenger. Then i finally heard from him at 2pm. He had been sleeping.

The last time this happened he gave me his roommates phone number and told me he set his phone to ring only when I called so I couldn't understand why I couldn't wake him if he was sleeping and started to get worried and upset especially because yesterday was my birthday and we were going out for birthday lunch.

Well we had a late lunch sushi and I drank too much green tea and I think this is what kept me up. I was also thinking of everything my son told me about his new job and got very excited about that too. He can make a name for himself now in an important technology that will change our everyday lives. It's a great opportunity for him and a big pay raise too and it keeps him in town awhile longer.

I just feel exhausted from yesterday and feel like a coach potato today. No energy to go out shopping for groceries or take a shower just a veg out day. I guess i have enough food at home to manage. Anyway I need to lose a few more pounds.

Still around, still OK I guess. I got nothing going on and I think I need to fix that. I'm looking into some possibilities.

[wildflowerchild25]

Well I’ve taken steps to register for my master’s classes again. I talked to the NJ DOE; they said if I complete the college program and then apply for liscensure I could get my standard certificate because I’ve already been a provisional teacher for six years. So I would have to finish the program first and then apply for jobs, which was my plan anyway. I’m waiting to hear from my program advisor re: which classes I need to sign up for. I’m hoping the failed class won’t prohibit me from registering. I might end up in academic probation which is fine because when I’m mentally stable I get A’s in everything so I’ll be fine.

I’m also checking out apartments. I have been for awhile. I can’t aftord one on my own but RS and I have talked about moving in together in a few months. He wants to buy a house but we’d need about 15k for down payment and closing costs so we wouldn’t be able to buy a house for a long time. I’m hoping he will agree to an apartment while we save up. I really hate living with my mom. She’s starting to get on my nerves again. She’s been helpful while I’ve been laid up but not nearly as much as she could be. She just leaves the trash overflowing, knowing I can’t take it out. She also waits to clean the litter box until it’s stinking up the whole house; again, I can’t do it right now because I’m not supposed to be lifting. I don’t know. She’s just overall annoying. I’d rather live with RS on my own than have him move in here while we save for a house.

It’s all a waiting game. I can’t get a better paying job until I finish school. I can’t get an apartment until the summertime anyway because I don’t want my son to have to switch schools so close to the end of the year.

Ah well. At least I’m moving forward.

[fern46]

Doing well. My psychiatrist reduced my Risperdal and I haven't noticed any changes. No news is good news. I'm supposed to stop it altogether after two weeks and then I will only be taking Geodon and I can take it at night which will be a nice change. The anxiety I was feeling has disappeared completely since reducing the Risperdal for the first time last month.

Today is my anniversary. I am blessed to be married to someone so wonderful.

Well wishes to all.

[Innerzone]

Happy anniversary, fern!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Happy anniversary Fern!

[Victoria'smom]

Day 3 w/o zyprexa. I’m not sleeping and aggravated as ****. It’s a fake hypomania. DH wants me to take my 5mg of zyprexa until I run out. I told him I was going to use it as prn but he said only do that unless I really want to get off of it. I went to my son’s classes (he teaches) because I didn’t want to get paranoid or be alone with my brother in-law. I don’t know if I have a headache last night or if the chatter is back. It was nice to not be exhausted. My husband even commented on how he missed me. I might ask to go back on abilify. Hell I’m already supposed to be crushing my zyprexa. With the intention of going back on the shot. I’m not good at taking real pills. I’m going to make an appointment after our car is fixed. I may just make an appointment with my therapist to just talk about meds. I think I’m just going to see her when I have a topic. Miguel leaves in less than a month. It’s a lot of hurry up and wait. Tomorrow we try to get his ID/Driving permit. He has to find an internship before leaving but who wants to hire a kid to start in August?

[Sunflower123]

Happy Anniversary fern!

[Sunflower123]

Checking in. Doing good today despite being at the doctor’s today with mom for 5 hours. They finally discovered that her Cuboid (sp) bone was fractured into multiple pieces and it hadn’t shown up on xrays for the last 3.5 months. An MRI was needed. Bless her heart. I think we lost some healing time because they failed to do that when they could see it was swelling and bruising worse each time. Oh well, we’re on the right path now. Hopefully in enough time for Florida.

Going to visit my daughter Wednesday and Thursday. She is doing much better with Wellbutrin and talk therapy. I’m grateful for that.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[gina_re]

My last logon was 6-7-18. I seem to have been pretty stagnant since then. I did finally get a full time job...but then they eliminated my position and now I'm jobless. I'm constantly applying for jobs so that I can pay my bills and keep my house. I'm on unemployment but it comes from my part time job salary, so its barely anything. My stress level is ridiculously high but I'm on so much medication it feels more like a mild annoyance. I guess misery loves company because I am back here where you all understand me. And I don't feel bad about complaining. I've been trying my hardest to remain positive, but it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above water. I've missed you guys. I see quite a few new names, however. I hope everyone is a good as they can be.

[wildflowerchild25]

Nice to see you again Gina, though I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. I hope things turn around for you soon.

[Wander]

Happy Birthday Fern! Hope you have/had a wonderful day.

[Wander]

Going to the Physio today though I cannot afford it but I also cannot stand my leg being so sore, and the restrictions it brings. Hopefully he will give me exercises that fix it or it's back to getting another cortisone injection. Today I am going for a light swim as therapy for my leg and mind. Last night I was really off. Just staring into space, struggling to talk to my partner but racing thoughts and paranoia. See my T tomorrow. He should be able to help. Saw pdoc yesterday but only really talked about me getting control of my meds back. As I am not suicidal and am generally doing well he allowed it. I am so happy about that. Messing around with the pharmacy once or twice a week was so annoying.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm sad tonight. This happens after every therapy visit when I talk for an hour about my father, my relationship with him, how the grief is hitting, etc. Lots of regrets that things couldn't have been different even though I know they couldn't have been.

I'm also feeling discouraged about my cat. He's only 2 so should be healthy and he just isn't. Last summer he started getting sores on his paws that was diagnosed as caused by allergies. They get infected and need antibiotics and an immunosuppresent plus a special diet. He had 3 months of no problems and then had a round of foot sores. We got those cleared up and he got horrible sores around his mouth. We changed to a stronger antibiotic that worked really well before our 3 months remission. He HATES it.
It's not a small amount of antibiotic and then needs a big dose of water to prevent scarring in his throat. Every time he gets loose enough to scratch my hands and tries to run from the water. Last time we used this antibiotic he was fine but he's had so much medicine since January that I think he's just fed up with me. And now he has a lump on his face. So we'll be gong back to the vet sooner than our 2 week follow-up scheduled for next week. Too bad because the sores we went in for are nearly gone but now we have another problem.

They already want to send us to the university hospital dermatologist. They can do one blood test locally first and we'll do that just in case we catch the culprit (although it would probably be fatal). This is going to get extremely expensive and I don't have money for that. I have a feeling that good things are not going to happen for Charlie and I can't imagine losing him at such a young age.

I'm just sad tonight. And overwhelmed. And I have that thing where I want to go back to the last 30 seconds of therapy and ask for clarification.

Someday I'll write a happy post. Right now I can have decent days but there's always this stuff underneath and begging to be acknowledged.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome back Gina_Re ! I was just wondering the other day where you were. You might remember me as APFEI. I used that name at first. So sorry to hear you are struggling to make ends meet; that you lost your full-time job. No wonder you're feeling stressed, even thru the numbing of meds. I hope you get it sorted out.

I was gone all last Fall too. I got so depressed at the end of last Summer i tried another anti-depressant. Wellbutrin. I felt great and thought i was cured and had many wonderful adventures. But it wore off and turned out just to be another hypomanic episode. I was so bitterly disappointed. And i've been depressed since then, for about four months now. I just eat junk and lay around all day. I know i'm wasting my life but i'm just paralyzed with fatigue.

Is it Spring where you are? Winter has been hanging on here with a vengeance. I almost cried when i looked at the forecast and saw we have snow on the way tomorrow. I usually get my nice euphoric hypomanias in the early Sping. You?

[~Christina]

Good to see you Gina hope things improve quickly for you

[~Christina]

Happy Anniversary Fern

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by gina_re

My last logon was 6-7-18. I seem to have been pretty stagnant since then. I did finally get a full time job...but then they eliminated my position and now I'm jobless. I'm constantly applying for jobs so that I can pay my bills and keep my house. I'm on unemployment but it comes from my part time job salary, so its barely anything. My stress level is ridiculously high but I'm on so much medication it feels more like a mild annoyance. I guess misery loves company because I am back here where you all understand me. And I don't feel bad about complaining. I've been trying my hardest to remain positive, but it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above water. I've missed you guys. I see quite a few new names, however. I hope everyone is a good as they can be.

That sounds awful. I hope that you find something soon. Hugs

[bizi]

hi gina, sorry it has been so hard on you.
176.9
14 pound loss since 3-6-19 =190.8 pounds (((HUGS)))))

Happy birthday, Fern!

BeyondtheRainbow, I have been writing something similar about my dad, though the situations may not be quite the same. I hope you can find some peace with the situation. I'm trying, but not there yet. Hope your kitty gets some relief from the sores soon.

Gina_re, it's nice to see you back. Sorry about your job.

bizi, congrats on the continuing weight loss! Keep at it!