I've been working on some spring cleaning projects, but they are so exhausting and I'm always sweating. I have too many things to do even though many wouldn't see it like that. I just have trouble with productivity. My motivation is OK, but it's just how much I can handle.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bizi

hi gina, sorry it has been so hard on you.
176.9
14 pound loss since 3-6-19 =190.8 pounds (((HUGS)))))

Congrats Bizi. That's awesome!

[wildflowerchild25]

I had terrifying dreams last night. About a serial killer in my neighborhood who attacks women. No more details than that but I woke up a couple of times with my heart beating out of my chest and gasping for breath. It was awful. Then to top it off my son didn’t come into my bed as he usually does so I convinced myself he had died during the night. I had to get up to check on him. Not a good night for me.

In better news, I confirmed that I can get my standard certificate if I complete my master’s program. I have decided to register for classes. I am terrified that I am wasting my time and that I won’t be able to handle teaching but I have to try. I should have my degree in 1.5 years. I am super excited.

[lightly toasted]

After a couple of weeks of sleeping not too badly, my insomnia is back.

[bizi]

wildchild, you go girl!!!! I think you can do what ever you put your mind to.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Tired but OK -- I guess I say that a lot, doesn't make it less true.. haha. Had a really bad couple of days. I'll get through it.

[Moose72]

I finally bit the bullet and got more protein and fruit and veg and fiber in my diet and started walking and riding my bike. I'm determined to lose weight before I see my liver doctor again in August!

[Moose72]

By the way, there is a measles outbreak here in Michigan. Hope I don't get it!

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Welcome back Gina_Re ! I was just wondering the other day where you were. You might remember me as APFEI. I used that name at first. So sorry to hear you are struggling to make ends meet; that you lost your full-time job. No wonder you're feeling stressed, even thru the numbing of meds. I hope you get it sorted out.

I was gone all last Fall too. I got so depressed at the end of last Summer i tried another anti-depressant. Wellbutrin. I felt great and thought i was cured and had many wonderful adventures. But it wore off and turned out just to be another hypomanic episode. I was so bitterly disappointed. And i've been depressed since then, for about four months now. I just eat junk and lay around all day. I know i'm wasting my life but i'm just paralyzed with fatigue.

Is it Spring where you are? Winter has been hanging on here with a vengeance. I almost cried when i looked at the forecast and saw we have snow on the way tomorrow. I usually get my nice euphoric hypomanias in the early Sping. You?

Of course I remember you! It is spring here, and the pollen is in full effect. Luckily I don't have a problem with allergies, but I see it on my car. I would be upset about snow at this time of the year too! That's crazy! I hope it's not too much for you. I honestly don't think I have any patterns when it comes to my hypomanias, they're sporadic and not often enough. I could use one right about now.

Originally Posted by Moose72

By the way, there is a measles outbreak here in Michigan. Hope I don't get it!

Have you had a measles/mumps/rubella vaccination? If you're unsure, or either way, give your GP a call. It's as easy as that.

I've had two. Once as a baby and once during my college years. Apparently the vaccinations for that in the early 1970s were found to be insufficient. My university sent a letter saying to get another or I wouldn't be able to attend classes. I got another. No biggie!

I read they're having an outbreak in Brooklyn, in NY. That can easily spread far and wide from there. People who haven't had the vaccination are pretty much strongly told to get one. The fact is, children and adults that are not vaccinated put not only themselves at risk, but people who legitimately can't get them, such as children with serious heart problems. The latter can easily die from illnesses like measles. They depend on others to get the vaccinations to protect them. The more people who don't, the more likely it will spread again widely and kill or injure people. It has been known to affect people's eyes, hearing, and lead to pneumonia among other things.

[gina_re]

I got out of bed later than anticipated, but I made myself go to the local community services board to resume services. I even lucked out and got an appointment with my pdoc in two weeks. I think I have enough medication to last until then. I even set an appointment for therapy which is something I haven't done in a couple of years. I figured it's about time I get back into it. After that, I went grocery shopping (so grateful I got food stamps for the time being!). I didn't buy a lot of junk thankfully, but I did buy ingredients to cook tonight. I'm off to do that now, actually. I haven't cooked in months, I exist off of junk food. Wish me luck!

[Sunflower123]

I grind my teeth so hard at night that I cracked a tooth straight through. We tried to save it (at considerable expense) but it just can’t be done. It’s the last tooth on my lower jaw so it won’t be visible but I’ll know. I’m apprehensive about this procedure tomorrow. My next purchase will be a custom made night guard to prevent this from happening again.

I wish I didn’t get so anxious about medical and dental procedures. I’m doing pretty good aside from the nervousness.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

The fact is, children and adults that are not vaccinated put not only themselves at risk, but people who legitimately can't get them, such as children with serious heart problems. The latter can easily die from illnesses like measles. They depend on others to get the vaccinations to protect them. The more people who don't, the more likely it will spread again widely and kill or injure people. It has been known to affect people's eyes, hearing, and lead to pneumonia among other things.

I'm deathly allergic to Dtap vaccines which means I had no immunity to whooping cough. It went around about 10 years ago and I caught it. I was so, so sick and wound up with permanent asthma as a souvenir but the worst part was knowing that I was contagious for 3 weeks before I was really sick (you have a runny nose and maybe a cough or sneeze; I thought it was allergies). During that time I was working with fragile adults, a number of whom caught it from me and I also may have infected any infant under 2 months old or who hadn't been vaccinated yet. Infants die of whooping cough. I had a niece who was right on the edge but I fortunately hadn't seen her in the risky period. Spreading it to unvaccinated people would have been as simple as using my shopping cart after me.

I was tested and have low immunity for rubella so would need a 3rd MMR vaccine if that were to go around ever. I also never had chicken pox and so had those vaccines and need to be tested for immunity again because chicken pox as as adult can be horrible. Pretty much I'm really dependent on herd immunity and to be feared by those who haven't vaccinated or had boosters. I find it scary.

[giddykitty]

I'm too tired or something to write a new post. (I don't really know what i want or need from this site) so I'm replying to this thread for more of emotional support.

I've been saying it from the begining, I'm not sure nor are my doctors sure I have bipolar disorder. The fact is, they put me on aripiprozole and I've since gained a lot of weight. Most of my clothes don't fit me right anymore. It's very very discouraging, considering I don't really eat all that much and I try to be active (though the active part may have been lacking). I just wanted to cry out tonight that I hate this weight gain, but I may be emotionally better on the abilify. I don't know for sure. I'm afraid of withdrawal symptoms and/or going back to the fights I used to have with my husband. Circumstances have changed a little, but I'm afraid of risking it all. But this weight gain. I'm concerned about that causing worse problems. I want to get off this drug...but I'm scared too.

popping in after some time. hope everyone's doing alright.

[giddykitty]

I forgot to add that I just got back from vacation and am having serious jetlag. I need to call the psychiatrist but probably want to get on a better sleep schedule before changing my appointment time sooner to start tapering off. (now it's in July or June).

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

I'm too tired or something to write a new post. (I don't really know what i want or need from this site) so I'm replying to this thread for more of emotional support.


I've been saying it from the begining, I'm not sure nor are my doctors sure I have bipolar disorder. The fact is, they put me on aripiprozole and I've since gained a lot of weight. Most of my clothes don't fit me right anymore. It's very very discouraging, considering I don't really eat all that much and I try to be active (though the active part may have been lacking). I just wanted to cry out tonight that I hate this weight gain, but I may be emotionally better on the abilify. I don't know for sure. I'm afraid of withdrawal symptoms and/or going back to the fights I used to have with my husband. Circumstances have changed a little, but I'm afraid of risking it all. But this weight gain. I'm concerned about that causing worse problems. I want to get off this drug...but I'm scared too.


popping in after some time. hope everyone's doing alright.

Weight gain is a legitimate problem it can least to cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

There are many other meds you can try that are more weight neutral. There is no reason to stay on a Med that’s going to cause other health problem, Bipolar is enough

Be proactive and check out other meds that you feel are worth a try. Invega was weight neutral for me.

Meanwhile try and be kind to yourself

[Wander]

It is a gorgeous autumn day here. Had an amazing session with my T. We’re dealing with the trauma of my last mixed psychotic episode plus my illness in general. Talked about my psychotic delusions that all mental health professionals were conspiring to control and manipulate me. Being made IP was terrifying in this state. The extreme nature of my self destructive urges were almost uncontrollable. Yet my will to survive remained strong.,

Right now my T and I are talking to focus on strengthening me so I can handle another such episode should it happen. I am at high risk of it happening again due to many factors so this is crucial.

Awesome thing is that after I left I realised I could accept this situation and my illness in general. I no longer feel the need to control everything to try and save myself. Of course I need to continue doing what I can but no longer focus on what I can’t. This leaves me feeling content despite my circumstances.

I’ve always refused to accept the truth about my illness and situations. While it is very hard to accept things such as possible death, disability, people rejecting me and regular horror mixed episodes with some hypo/manic episodes and occasional psychosis, I now finally feel content with my lot in life.

I just hope I can hold onto this revelation.

[Pookyl]

After weeks in a psych hospital I’m finally home. Yay!!
My meds have been changed up and I’m seriously feeling the best I’ve felt. Will write more tomorrow.

gina_re, I hope you enjoyed your dinner. I am glad to read that you have some appointments scheduled.

Jennifer, I hear you about the teeth grinding. My dentist has been encouraging me to get a mouthguard for a while. Grinding caused me to need two root canals last Christmas. The endodontist said some of my teeth are as worn down as an 80 year olds. Ugh!

BeyondtheRainbow, do stay safe. Thanks for sharing on this important topic.

gittykitty, I hope you and your pdoc will find a more weight friendly med. There are a number out there. I know.

Wander, I'm sorry you've been traumatized by the mixed episodes. They are just horrible! It's good that you and your mental healthcare team are being so proactive about helping you heal from them.

Pookyl, glad you're home and feeling much better.

Today should hopefully be an easy day. Last night was nice. I attended an interesting lecture at the university. It was lecture three of six on modern China topics. I'll attend a different kind of one-time lecture tomorrow night that focuses on turning setbacks into advantages after traumatic experiences. That may sound like an unlikely possibility, but I think it can be possible. I am a believer that struggles in life can make us stronger, or at least wiser, in the end. Or, take us in interesting new directions.

By chance, my psychiatrist has been attending the modern China lectures, along with his wife, too. I found it odd that he hand his arm around her shoulder most of the time last night. In a lecture hall. Does anyone else think that would seem odd? He's not a newlywed by a long shot. They're in their 70s, married at least 30+ years. My husband wouldn't do that to me in a lecture hall or concert hall. Maybe a movie theater, but not even there nowadays. Yes, maybe he's just very affectionate with his wife, even in public, but there is part of me that wonders if that was deliberate because he knew I was there. As background, there was a period when I had a rather major transference love for him. An unhealthy one. But I have gotten past that to a large degree. I'm not jealous he did that, but it is curious to me.