[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

wildflowerchild I'm so sorry about your back. It really does suck not being able to get around and to be in so much pain. Hope it all gets resolved as soon as possible. Have they scheduled a date for the surgery?

I see the surgeon tomorrow. I will probably have to get another MRI before they can schedule me because I lost the CD of my previous one. I just hope that they will schedule me soon. Since I’m not eligible for fmla I might lose my insurance in April. I’m not sure.

I wish winter would end for us. Monday we got about 3 inches of snow and last night another 2 or so. I'm so sick of it. It's so slick out. I can barely walk to get to my car. They don't de ice that good in my apts parking lot. I'm so afraid of falling. I fell last year and hurt my knee really bad.

My mood is pretty low. I'm so sick of the way my son treats me. I've got to figure out a way to change that. I'm crying. He's yelling at me. I'm so sick of the verbal abuse.

[~Christina]

Saw my T and it has realllly helped me a lot. He always does. We discussed the fact that I for only the second time of 8 years calling and leaving him a message.

I never want to ever “bother him,” he did gently scold me for not just calling his cell , I’m the only client that has it..and have me a giant huge as I scared him.

Most of my constant anxiety is because of my husbands health. Which I need to get totally blunt with him about the reality and what he is doing to make matters worse.

End result his dusty book store smell
Is something I wish I could bottle.

[yellow_fleurs]

Glad your T could help, Christina!
Rose, you don't deserve to be verbally abused, I am sorry. Hoping you get some bright warm days soon!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I wish winter would end for us. Monday we got about 3 inches of snow and last night another 2 or so. I'm so sick of it. It's so slick out. I can barely walk to get to my car. They don't de ice that good in my apts parking lot. I'm so afraid of falling. I fell last year and hurt my knee really bad.


My mood is pretty low. I'm so sick of the way my son treats me. I've got to figure out a way to change that. I'm crying. He's yelling at me. I'm so sick of the verbal abuse.

Is he in some kind of group Therapy ??? Maybe finding something like that would be a good outlet for him and the anger ?

You do not deserve verbal abuse no matter if he’s your son or not

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I see the surgeon tomorrow. I will probably have to get another MRI before they can schedule me because I lost the CD of my previous one. I just hope that they will schedule me soon. Since I’m not eligible for fmla I might lose my insurance in April. I’m not sure.

Can you Cobra act your insurance ? I know it can get pricey , but a thought

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Can you Cobra act your insurance ? I know it can get pricey , but a thought

I’m waiting for my HR person to get back to me on that. I got a decent amount back for my tax return so I can afford it if I have to pay a couple of months out of pocket I’m just hoping that’s an option.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Glad your T could help, Christina!
Rose, you don't deserve to be verbally abused, I am sorry. Hoping you get some bright warm days soon!

Thank you! It was sunny today but still cold. It is supposed to warm up by the weekend. Get into the upper 40s.

Yes my son needs to stop it! I'm gonna lay down some serious boundaries tonight. But with his psychotic disorder it's become the new norm for us, unfortunately. I've just got to stick the boundaries.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Is he in some kind of group Therapy ??? Maybe finding something like that would be a good outlet for him and the anger ?

You do not deserve verbal abuse no matter if he’s your son or not

Yes, I agree. He's in therapy but just started and is working on his depression. Iit's gotten so much worse since he started having delusions. But he's only abusive towards me. I have to set some strong boundaries and stick to them.

Thanks for your response.

My mild depression continues. I didn't even get dressed today. But here's something new: i am considering learning how to play the piano! I'm a bit concerned because i couldn't learn guitar or recorder. I couldn't move my fingers fast enough. It's probably hopeless but my Scrabble friend is a piano teacher. I like her a lot. She's cool. I'm going over for a trial lesson Tuesday evening.

Learning piano would be such a great hobby for me because there's no winning or losing as in Scrabble, it's sedentary, i can do it at home, alone, i don't have to get my hands dirty as in cooking and it doesn't produce anything to add to the storage crisis in my tiny place as in knitting.

I love piano music!

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope everyone is doing well. It's Wednesday which is typically my busiest day of the week since it is midweek. I am doing alright knowing that M will be seeing a doctor soon enough.

After work I went out with R and a few nurse friends and we all got our nails done and had a small girls night; so now my hair and nails are good to go for a while. After getting my nails done I ate out and then went to church for Bible Study.

I'm still at the boyfriend's house; kitty is trying to get used to the two big dogs. Kitty slept on top of one of the dogs last night so they are slowly getting used to each other; I can tell that kitty is glad to have me again.

I am feeling alright; the emotionally exhausted feeling is slowly going away.

Hugs to everyone

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I see the surgeon tomorrow. I will probably have to get another MRI before they can schedule me because I lost the CD of my previous one. I just hope that they will schedule me soon. Since I’m not eligible for fmla I might lose my insurance in April. I’m not sure.

Do you remember where you had the MRI done a lot of the times they are still saved for a certain amount of time and you might be able to call the place and have another disk made. Unless of course you think that MRI is a few years old and something might have changed since then; even then it's worth a try since the surgeon might like to compare the MRI's and see the difference.

[Wander]

Damn, my whole message disappeared. Saw the Physio. Referred to a specialist. Really need treatment to get my leg working properly again. I need to get back to work ASAP. Random important bills are draining my savings. Ironically I could see if work would take me back now as Bipolar and Fibromyalgia under control but I now can’t with this leg. Sigh...

Still panicked. My T gave me some exercises which help. It seems to be calming but I still can’t focus. In the process of making massive life decisions but I can’t even contact University to tell them I’ve dropped out due to anxiety. I haven’t been this anxious for years.

My T and I agreed I am stable Bipolar wise which is encouraging. I thought I was getting depressed a bit back but it seems it was the beginning of this life crisis. My mood today is positive and fairly happy. Just hate the crushing anxious feeling. I am focusing on finding a new path for my life. I have hope, though I still self destruct in some ways.

[pirilin]

I've been up for more than an hour now.
But I'm still slepping.
Went to bed at 12:00AM, pit stop at 4:30AM.
Back to bed inmediately.

La Bruja woke me up at 8:30AM.
Very late to do my chores.
Preparing her lunch was a real effort today.

I have a GP appointment at 11:30AM today.
If this sleepiness continues, I'll probably get lost. Again.

I'll take a long shower to see if it helps.
All I did different last night, was to take two Aleve pills.
In addition to the L-Tryptophan.
Boy, I hope I've found THE combo to sleep.

This thread doesn't make much sence to me.
I wanted to see if I could post in this condition.
I hafta drive more than 45 mins to get there.

Nack nack.

Cheers,

[Innerzone]

I am heartbroken. Remember the internship? The one that gave me an opportunity to do what I'd been waiting to get back to for very nearly a decade, and that I love and that is the bright spots of my week as a break from slogging through my awful job? Well, the owner suddenly is having to move (family reasons) and the whole thing is coming to an unexpected end.

I keep crying. Last night right after work I saw the email. I cried myself to sleep. Crying much more this morning. This just sucks. It's such a great place. Creative, supportive, such nice people. Damn, this just sucks so much.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Innerzone, I am so sorry. You deserve things to go well.

That is a real bummer, Innerzone! I'm sorry that special opportunity had to end so quickly. Such is life!

I saw my psychiatrist today. I won't go into all I yapped about. As I often do, I went off on a tangent. He sort of drew my attention to it. Anyway, I knew he wouldn't lower my Seroquel XR. Actually, even I know that wouldn't be a good idea right now. I sort of feel my spring upswing in its very early stages. I did ask if I could FINALLY go off the daily Ativan I've been weaning off at an extremely slow pace. He said to rather cut my current dose into half. That means cutting my 0.5 mg pills (the smallest dose possible) into four pieces, since I've been halving them to take 0.25 mg for a long time. Pills just don't cut into quarters very well. So I'm now on 0.14 mg. I'm not sure how long I'll be on that, but I don't think it's even possible to go lower, unless a lower dose is created at my pharmacy. Luckily, my pharmacy is a medication compounding center.

I don't know why he made a point to tell me he isn't in the office tomorrow and the next day. And yet he said he would be available by phone those days. Is that info just some miscellaneous FYI? Or did he tell me that for some more significant reason? I don't know. He did say that at some point in the near future he'd be taking a 2-week vacation. I'm not sure exactly when, but I think after April 17th. My next appointment with him (in a bit over 3 weeks) is April 5. That's the usual span between. Then another one follows only 2 weeks later on April 17. That's abnormal unless I'm very ill, which I'm not. It's funny, I was going to ask to reduce my visits to every 4-weeks instead of every 3-weeks, but I forgot. Now I'm a little paranoid. Does he think I am, indeed, on the rise, mood-wise? As said, I think I am starting my spring upswing, but it's not problematic at this point. Last year in mid to late May I was full-blown manic with brief psychosis. It was a really bad one! [Long story.] However, at that time I was on vacation with my husband in Portugal. The trip itself was a major trigger. I almost always get at least hypomanic when we go to Europe, but the time in Portugal was particularly triggering for me. I don't expect to be triggered that much this spring. We're not going anywhere.

Does anyone else tend to have spring upswings? Mine are pretty reliable and have been known to start as early as late February or at least sometime in May.

My psychiatrist asked me a super tough question based on something I told him. I had to ask if I could have a few weeks to think about it and answer it then. It's about a perception I have about my new therapist/psychologist. I really think that finding an answer would be highly helpful for me.

I'm so sorry to hear that InnerZone. I know it's awful to go through that and work yourself up to be let down. Cry it out. I always try not to cry, but I don't know why. Just let it out. The frustration ,sadness, the anger -- just let the tears flow and be hopeful for the next thing (which is not easy and impossible in the beginning, but hope will return sooner or later).

BirdDancer -- I hope you get the information you're looking for and also, keep an eye on your mood. I mean I'm rather new at mood tracking but knowing patterns and signs are invaluable to your therapist and psychiatrist. I know you probably already know that anyway. I feel stupid for even saying it now. haha



As for me -- I had another rough night. I didn't sleep much and did lots of reflecting and thinking. I think too much is the problem -- I obsess. I'm tired today but I'm OK. I still feel OK -- I think these meds are great for me. I can't explain how I feel well. I'm OK but I'm distressed, does that make sense? Mood wise -- I'm fine... it's all the crap in my life and head that causes some worry and distress, and emotions. Anyway, that's all for my check in today.

[Sunflower123]

My pdoc is not in network with my insurance so I pay cash. It is a necessary expense in my book. I’ve been with him between 15-17 years now and he has saved my life many times. My appointments with him always last between 35-45 minutes and he is like a pdoc and tdoc rolled up into one.

I called his office to see if any of the therapists accepted my insurance so I could learn how to better help my daughter and not only are none of them in network but my insurance said I’m not allowed to self pay my pdoc. I just lost my pdoc! I’m beside myself right now and really hating on insurance.

Temporarily I can see the NP that he supervises until I can change my insurance to one that he accepts next year. I’m just so upset right now. This is not the time for this to be happening...he was keeping a close eye on me after last month’s mistake and with losing my friend. I’ll calm down. It’s just fresh right now. He’s not just my pdoc. He’s my friend.

Warm wishes to all.

BirdDancer: I usually get high mood in Spring too. Mine can also start as early as February. They are a reaction to the weather. I get them when the temperature goes up. We're having a mild day today and tomorrow and already i feel more awake.