I thought I was done with the grocery store after I went today, but then realized I forgot a key ingredient in one of the dishes I'm supposed to make for Easter dinner. Oh well!

I managed to do OK in my private French class today. Luckily for me my instructor spent a lot of the time going over my homework and correcting it. That took some of the pressure off of me. I even decided to schedule my next class for next Friday, but when I got home I realized I had something scheduled then. Now I'm trying to figure out if I should cancel/reschedule one of them or convince my husband to take a half day off. I expressed to the teacher that I would start studying more intensely from now on. Sometimes I make these promises as a fire to put under my own a*s. I hope it doesn't backfire.

My parrot has become a little too much for me. He's like a 5 year old on speed, acting wildly. I try to have him out a lot, but sometimes it's overwhelming.

I was up all night with a stomach upset. I can't seem to digest my food. I think it's gastroparesis. I'll see my doctor about it. Meanwhile i'll follow the diet for the condition. It's bland, soft, low-fiber, no-fat food eaten in six small meals.

[hopeless2015]

Having deep thoughts. Some good some bad. I've been on a pretty stretch of stability. Other than one oops this week (took my seroquel by mistake in the morning) I'm doing good on my titration back up on my lamictal. This combo has been a big game changer for me and I know I need to just stay on track. Life issues are a struggle right now. I've not hid my drinking and gambling ever and right now both are a battle. I know that these addictions cant be controlled by meds. I have a husband who has stuck by my side through the really, really dark days. He's a good man and I've put him through hell. But. ..he will always be a drinker and I once had a dr tell me that as long as I keep drinking I'll never get better. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but right now I think he's right and the person who has stuck by me in all those bad times might be a bad bad (toxic) trigger for me. I'm really not trying to put all the responsibility on him. I'm not...just thinking and really unhappy and so is he. Not being very nice, just not himself..maybe he has finally had all he can take. Idk...maybe I need to start therapy again. Sorry for the long post.

Hugs to all

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My nieces were here the last 2 days which always improves everything. I think I feel better than I have in the last 3 months.

I've gotten 2 walks in this week. I gained weight from eating my body weight in cookies after my father died. I have this gross fat roll with most of my clothes. My weight is only 2-4 lbs up but it's enough that it has to come off. Now . I'm still eating too many "grief carbs" but doing better with it. I could't walk today because of rain and I think that continues tomorrow and the next day I'll be at Easter at my sister's so I don't know when I'll get another walk. I'll walk the dogs Monday but they don't do my super hilly walk.

I can't wait to see my nieces again for Easter. They are the best things in my life.

[VerMOZZica]

Nothing much went on today but I did manage to get out of the house for a bit. My Mom and I just went to the store to pick up a few things. The rest of the day was pretty much spent in my bedroom because they are putting new tile on floor in the living room.

I saw my pdoc on Tuesday. He did up one of my meds. He wants me to start therapy. I said I would but I`m not too sure it will be helpful. I`ve tried therapy before and I really didn`t care for it. We shall see how it goes.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend. And hugs to all that need or want them.

[Wander]

Feeling awful. Nausea is bad. Can barely eat so I’m now very weak. At least I slept 14 hours last night without meds. Trying all I can except taking lots of Benzodiazepines. Which I might have to start doing. I hate this. PTSD is hell. I just hope this calms down soon. Ive already lost weight in five days. I’m scared.

I want to cry.

This morning, around 4:30am, I was hearing laughter. The voices were laughing at me. They didn’t say anything to me, but they were laughing amongst themselves, mumbling different things to each other that I couldn’t make out. I was scared and still am.

I normally wake up at 4am, so I was already awake and it’s not like they woke me up. Also, I’m at my parents’ house for the weekend and nobody was awake at 4:30am. I think the voices were a hallucination. But it was an evil laughter.

I don’t want a different AP because of side effects. I also can’t try a typical AP like haldol because typicals are banned at my pdoc’s office. Yet I am depressed and keep hearing things, symptoms of which are supposed to be “controlled” by rexulti. Rexulti is only helping with paranoia it seems. Ugh.

[Nammu]

Not looking forward to Sunday. Lots of my stability comes from being alone. True I wasn't always stable in Texas but holidays were easy. I could hide away. Now that I'm back near my family there are expectations. Lots of people and gotta make small talk. I've been railroaded into always making the green bean casserole cause I put cayenne in it and everyone likes it. Still it's only one day.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I want to cry.

This morning, around 4:30am, I was hearing laughter. The voices were laughing at me. They didn’t say anything to me, but they were laughing amongst themselves, mumbling different things to each other that I couldn’t make out. I was scared and still am.

I normally wake up at 4am, so I was already awake and it’s not like they woke me up. Also, I’m at my parents’ house for the weekend and nobody was awake at 4:30am. I think the voices were a hallucination. But it was an evil laughter.

I don’t want a different AP because of side effects. I also can’t try a typical AP like haldol because typicals are banned at my pdoc’s office. Yet I am depressed and keep hearing things, symptoms of which are supposed to be “controlled” by rexulti. Rexulti is only helping with paranoia it seems. Ugh.

@bluebicycle maybe the rexulta needs to be increased? I am sorry you are having some hallucintions,you are allowed to cry, you have been thru a traumatic time.
bizi

I got dry shampoo today so I never have to take a shower again haha!!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm a *****. Almost reached for the zyprexa because I have so much anxiety. It's not "hospital level" so I wont. I'm so done but meds don't help. They make me quiet but not happy. I feel this meeting with H's T will end our relationship. We'll see. I feel like crying okay I am crying. I don't know to talk to him now or wait the 19 days.

[bizi]

talk to him now if you can.
bizi

[Innerzone]

Caught pinkeye at work. It's so gross and uncomfortable. I know who I got it from, because I ran into them in the bathroom and they had a raging case going. I couldn't believe they were at work!!! Sure, it's not airborne contagion, but it IS extremely contagious and who knows what surface had been touched after they touched by their eyes? My inner germaphobe as been activated. So I spent half the day yesterday going to urgent care and getting the Rx drops (my pharmacy was out). Some day off! It's doing a little better today, but I'm just going to call in tomorrow if the strong urge to rub my eyes doesn't go away. Besides I look like hell. And if I were a customer, I sure wouldn't want to see or deal with some employee running around with it(!) Ugh.

Sorry for the rant, but honestly, it never should have happened.

But in good news, I got a call from a job I applied for. I need to call them back today (was just too frazzled yesterday, and they gave their hours for today, so it seemed a fine option).

Originally Posted by bizi

@bluebicycle maybe the rexulta needs to be increased? I am sorry you are having some hallucintions,you are allowed to cry, you have been thru a traumatic time.
bizi

I’m at the max dose of rexulti (4mg), so we can’t increase it.

I just remember Seroquel giving me a severe depression and worsening my cholesterol, and Latuda causing even more problems than Seroquel. Then Abilify did nothing. But I’m concerned about having really bad Seroquel-like negative effects when I have a huge project due at work by May 1st. Thanks for your support

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Not looking forward to Sunday. Lots of my stability comes from being alone. True I wasn't always stable in Texas but holidays were easy. I could hide away. Now that I'm back near my family there are expectations. Lots of people and gotta make small talk. I've been railroaded into always making the green bean casserole cause I put cayenne in it and everyone likes it. Still it's only one day.

Sending supportive vibes. I hope it goes better then expected.

[Sunflower123]

My family went to the Olive Garden to celebrate Easter and my brother’s birthday. I had an okay time....I was preoccupied. One of my relatives said some things to me last night that really disturbed and hurt me. I greatly wish I wasn’t a highly sensitive person and that things rolled off my back. It’s just not worth it. I’m going to work on changing that.

We took my daughter’s beagle to the kennel for 5 days. He was so excited when he got there (that’s a good endorsement). I love him but I’m not sleeping well and him getting me up at 2 A.M. isn’t helping things. Plus, I’m knee deep in caring for mom and brother with some heavy projects going on so I need a small break from caring for pets. It feels nice.

I hope everyone who celebrates Easter has a good and peaceful day.

I'm so tired. I did so many things today and yet my husband is sleeping and I'm not, but it's only 9 pm. Tomorrow my family's Easter gathering is at my Dad's/brother's house. I volunteered to make Scalloped Potatoes and Kohlrabi au Gratin, carrot salad (with fresh pineapple and raisins) and my Dad's birthday cake. I just got done making the cake (see attached) but make the other two dishes tomorrow. They're easy other than all of the peeling.

The cake is an almond flavored white cake filled with raspberry preserves and almond flavor cream cheese icing. Decorated with raspberries, blackberries, and toasted almond slices. It's a three layer cake. My sister requested this as something different than our usual desserts.

[Wander]

I’ve found Geodon great for psychosis and mixed symptoms. Have you tried that. Hope you feel better soon.

[LadyShadow]

Been a crappy day, just very emotional and with feelings that someone is out to get me. It isn't paranoia or an episode, but just everything feels like it is falling apart. I have like $2 to last me till May 3rd, and I don't know what to do. Even if I find a job, I would need gas and food to get me through the days. Either way I lose.

I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and I am fighting all these evil forces.

I hope Easter is a better day for me.

[Wander]

Last night I took 6 mg of Clonazepam. It was the only dose that enabled me to eat. Can’t keep doing that but at least I got some nutrients in.

Off to my parents for my family Easter gathering. Doubt I will be able to eat as I can’t take extra meds as I have to drive. It still should be fun. I will just have to ignore the nausea.