[Wander]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am recovering from surgery slowly but surely. I don’t need pain medicine anymore. The incision is healing well. Today I took a five minute walk. I have to start slow because my left leg is still very weak from nerve damage. So I’m going to do five minutes for a few days and then increas to six, seven, etc until I’m up to thirty minutes. That five minute walk totally exhausted me so we will have to see how long it takes to get up to thirty. I don’t want to do too much too soon.

Moodwise ive been pretty stable. I’m pretty bored but that’s to be expected, especially because I can’t even drive to go somewhere to entertain myself. My birthday is about ten days away and I am looking forward to going out with RS to the Cheesecake Factory to get some red velvet cheesecake. And I will have my post op apppointment the day after and hopefully be cleared to drive.

No sign of my usual spring hypomania, which while disappointing is good because I won’t crash into my lAte spring pit of despair. So I guess it’s all good.

So thrilled to hear your recovery is on track. I hope things improve quickly and that you can drive soon. Being bored is horrible.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I had a big day. 75 minutes to therapy, an intense hour in therapy which ended with him trying to help me cry and homework that will. While I was in therapy my pdoc called and asked me to come later. So I filled some time, got a sandwich I think upset my stomach, and drove 75 minutes to see her. She increased my AD although it has to be temporary and careful as I get manic in June and no way can I be on this much AD when that risk occurs. We talked a long time and then I drove 2.5 hours home.

I'm glad for the increased AD. Hopefully I'll have a little more energy and be better able to deal with my father's death with the boost.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am recovering from surgery slowly but surely. I don’t need pain medicine anymore. The incision is healing well. Today I took a five minute walk. I have to start slow because my left leg is still very weak from nerve damage. So I’m going to do five minutes for a few days and then increas to six, seven, etc until I’m up to thirty minutes. That five minute walk totally exhausted me so we will have to see how long it takes to get up to thirty. I don’t want to do too much too soon.

Moodwise ive been pretty stable. I’m pretty bored but that’s to be expected, especially because I can’t even drive to go somewhere to entertain myself. My birthday is about ten days away and I am looking forward to going out with RS to the Cheesecake Factory to get some red velvet cheesecake. And I will have my post op apppointment the day after and hopefully be cleared to drive.

No sign of my usual spring hypomania, which while disappointing is good because I won’t crash into my lAte spring pit of despair. So I guess it’s all good.

Glad to hear you are feeling better and that you were able to walk even if just a little bit.

I also really like the Red Velvet Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake; granted I honestly haven't met one that I don't like.

Keep on keeping us posted; I like to read you are doing better; gives me hope for my own person about to go through something similar.

[beauflow]

Today I've been tired but I am up.
I am wondering why I am going to go back into therapy today too... today was decent besides actually getting up (dread thoughts)... joked around though, and... I didn't know it was Monday by the end of the day... I really thought it was Wednesday.. but I am usually lost on days anyways.
I took a look at the therapists they assigned to me, I am not sure if they will be a good match and one of my first questions is going to be if they've worked with comorbid patients... because to ignore the PTSD, as the very first t I saw I felt did, I already am aware will amplify issues more.
I've already wrote that in on the section "what didn't work ".
I may redo my paper work... as I got annoyed while filling it out.
Car drove fine today

[Wander]

Hi everyone! Love and hugs to all.

I’m happy because I had an ultrasound on my hip and there is no tearing, just inflamed bursa’s which can be relieved by a cortisone injection. I’m having it Thursday and will need to fully rest for three days then should be all good. I’m thrilled I should have no pain in a week and be able to return to normal activities.

Mood still good. Stable. It always surprises me how I literally switch from one state to another overnight, like I did last Thursday night. It seems I’m not one for progressing into and out of an episode. It’s just BAM. Anyone else like this?

It is another gorgeous autumn day here. Seas calm, light winds, warm, so perfect for a swim. My favourite thing to do in the world, and a damn good mood lifter too.

[fern46]

The family member I reached out to with my story yesterday replied. She was loving and supportive. I didn't expect anything less, but I get nervous talking about what happened to me. I still feel so much guilt and shame. I am blessed though and today I want to focus on all the amazing things I have to be grateful for. Wonderful family members are at the top of my list! Well wishes to all for a good day.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by fern46

The family member I reached out to with my story yesterday replied. She was loving and supportive. I didn't expect anything less, but I get nervous talking about what happened to me. I still feel so much guilt and shame. I am blessed though and today I want to focus on all the amazing things I have to be grateful for. Wonderful family members are at the top of my list! Well wishes to all for a good day.

Glad she was loving and supportive, so important for our well being.
have a lovely day.
bizi

Last night my husband and I had to go to my family's town (my childhood hometown) for an appointment. Before that I told my dad that we would visit. He said he would be there. We got there a little late because of road detours along the way, but luckily my dad was still there, along with my brother. But only about 15 minutes passed and my dad stood up and said he had to "Go to a restaurant to eat a steak". This is by himself and an unnecessary thing to do, at least while we were still visiting. I sarcastically said "Well, Dad, it was nice seeing you for 15 minutes." to which he said "It was 21 minutes." He was in the other room, and I confess I gave him the middle finger out of anger.

It's clear my dad is relying on booze again. My brother also thinks my dad is just plain neurotic. He's so obsessed with his rituals of going to a cafe every morning of the week, doing set things at exact times of the day, including a nap, and going to certain restaurants in the evenings, then going to sleep. Anyway, we saw my brother. I see my brother more than any of my other family members.

Tonight I attend a lecture at the university. It's a 6-part lecture series on topics relating to modern China. That is relevant to my educational background and possible plans for a part-time job from home in the future.

[Daonnachd]

My car won't start. I'm late for work (if I make it there at all today).

[Daonnachd]

I got my car jumped and made it to work only 30 minutes late. My battery was dead again when I went out to leave. The groundsman jumped it and then sent the battery charger home with me.

I'm leaving soon for the first lecture in the lecture series I signed up for on modern China topics. It's on the university campus in my town. Hubby wants me to record it. I will have to ask if that's OK. I feel a little strange asking. I'm not even sure that my cell phone recording app will do a good job, if I'm even allowed, unless I sit in a front row, which I don't want to do. We'll see. I'll at least take notes. I'm going to try very very hard not to miss any of the lectures. There is one each week for the next six weeks.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My father's ashes arrived today. They come in a box marked Human Cremains in several places and I had to sign for them. Which is good; I'd hate the neighbors to get that delivery. I need to open the box to get some paperwork out but feel weird about it. I know there is nothing to see but it's just weird that the person I knew has been reduced to about 10 lbs of crushed bones.

In really good news the paperwork for his burial policy came so I'll get reimbursed all but $400 for the cremation (and there may be more coming; the caseworker told me $2000 and the paperwork was for $1000 so I have to call her). I'm glad for any help with the costs though.

I'm tired tonight. Ok, I'm tired all the time right now. Hopefully my AD increase will help that soon. She only increased it 3 days per week and yesterday the patch refused to stick so hopefully tomorrow it will stick better and I'll benefit. The patch I used yesterday had previously been opened and I think the glue broke down.

[Maerlyn138]

I have been doing slightly better the past few months, mostly because of a medication change. My Psych recommended trying Vraylar and Xananx to help with sleep and anxiety control. I have been on Ativan before but it never seemed to have any effect on me.

My sleep has been disturbed for the past couple weeks though. I have been using some CBD oil during that time and I am pretty much convinced that that is whats causing the problem. So I am gonna cut that out and use meditation again as a means of falling asleep. Falling to sleep hasn't been so bad as staying asleep/getting quality sleep. So, that's my plan for the next few days

I'm learning piano! I can pick out the first few bars of "American Pie." My handyman came today and set up the keyboard stand and didn't charge me any thing. Nice guy! Then i needed a USB cable with an odd square plug to hook up my computer to my keyboard. I was worried i'd have trouble finding one but i found one at the first place i looked. The teaching app is really clever! It gives customized feedback by analyzing your playing.

So nice to have a new hobby! Music is brand-new to me. I know almost nothing about it. I'm starting from scratch. I don't think i'll be another Arthur Rubinstein but i'm being amused and that's good enough.


My mild depression continues. Still oversleeping but did better with eating healthy. I've abandoned all hope that the Wellbutrin will work like it did last Fall.

[TheSeaCat]

Hi all I realized I didn't post an update yesterday. How rude of me. I guess I got busy and forgot to type one up. I was here last night but forgot to type and post. Whoops; I promise I won't let that happen again.

I am doing alright we a currently celebrating physician week at work. Work is keeping me pretty busy as well as school; plus M's about ready to have surgery which has got me freaking out a little bit.

Hugs to everyone

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by Wander

Mood still good. Stable. It always surprises me how I literally switch from one state to another overnight, like I did last Thursday night. It seems I’m not one for progressing into and out of an episode. It’s just BAM. Anyone else like this?

i go " bam" some times myself, it is one aspect that has assisted my curiosity of the label on me.... however when mentioning this to the last pdoc, she mentioned that's rapid cycling, along with my other factors like the PTSD.

but not alone, a quick google search another soul has described this

On madness: a personal account of rapid cycling bipolar disorder

My mood may swing from one part of the day to another. I may wake up low at 10 am, but be high and excitable by 3 pm. I may not sleep for more than 2 hours one night, being full of creative energy, but by midday be so fatigued it is an effort to breathe.

and a omg moment for me comes when reading

I will sometimes drive faster than usual, need less sleep and can concentrate well, making quick and accurate decisions. At these times I can also be sociable, talkative and fun, focused at times, distracted at others. If this state of elevation continues I often find that feelings of violence and irritability towards those I love will start to creep in. Concentration and memory start to wane and I can become hypersensitive to noise. The children making their usual noise and my husband singing can drive me to distraction.

_______________________
I've been ok, it was a bouncy day as i call it... it was though, identified some things-

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I got my car jumped and made it to work only 30 minutes late. My battery was dead again when I went out to leave. The groundsman jumped it and then sent the battery charger home with me.

humans can be kind, I am glad that you encountered one on your tough moment

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Grief sleep is so weird. At 9:00 I was fighting to stay awake because I knew if I fell asleep I'd just be up at midnight. I finally gave up at 10:45 and fell asleep. I woke at 12:30 and now its 1:54 AM and I just finished paying bills trying to distract myself. I always wake during the night but right now it is seriously waking.

Oh well. All I have to do tomorrow is walk and feed my mom's dogs, probably get a vet appointment for my cat (ugh), and call some agency that has something to do with handling my father's death. So that's good. I'll lie to myself that I'll nap but I won't actually allow that .

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm learning piano! I can pick out the first few bars of "American Pie." My handyman came today and set up the keyboard stand and didn't charge me any thing. Nice guy! Then i needed a USB cable with an odd square plug to hook up my computer to my keyboard. I was worried i'd have trouble finding one but i found one at the first place i looked. The teaching app is really clever! It gives customized feedback by analyzing your playing.

So nice to have a new hobby! Music is brand-new to me. I know almost nothing about it. I'm starting from scratch. I don't think i'll be another Arthur Rubinstein but i'm being amused and that's good enough.


My mild depression continues. Still oversleeping but did better with eating healthy. I've abandoned all hope that the Wellbutrin will work like it did last Fall.

more kindness from humans to another

I think it is great that you are learning the piano - music I think can be so much for our brains....- I some times want to play the alto sax again or try the clarinet again ... but idk-- IDK why Not either!... (well I am afraid I will get one and it will sit).. I remember when I used to play, it was just the music that mattered- nothing else

[Wander]

DRunk. Sitting on my parents back porch. Had a great day. Saw my T and he and I have decided to talk about all the trauma I have been through in the last two years with horror mixed/psychotic episodes, almost back to back. It has messed me up bad. Still, today I am good. I went for a great swim. Had an afternoon nap, and now waiting for an amazing dinner prepared by my parents. Lucky me! No alcohol tomorrow as I'm out and I cannot afford it. Taken up smoking, which I cannot afford, and hoping to quit when my supply runs out.

Haha. Good luck. How else am I supposed to cope with all this trauma? Coping skills? They help but I am drowning here. Mood is stable at least. See my pdoc tomorrow but things are ok so not much to report. Love this drunk feeling. Such peace. Not that I encourage drinking. I am just messed up right now.