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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: US
Posts: 1,512
5 1,265 hugs
given |
Apr 24, 2019 at 05:57 AM
#861
Looks like a few people are interviewing for jobs. Wishing everyone luck!!
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 BeyondtheRainbow, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat
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 gina_re, Innerzone
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Apr 24, 2019 at 08:14 AM
#862
Doing well, just got back from an hour or so walk. Skipped the geodon last night, almost skipped the zyprexa although that should probably be the one I skipped instead. Saw a huge python in the middle of the street along with a doll head, pretty sure the python was a hallucination though because I live in the north woods and it went away in the blink of an eye. I get by the day by not caring if I live or die, that's how I went on a walk anyways and ate the brownies we made at group.
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Blue_Bird, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, Scooter9, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,433
11 9,557 hugs
given 
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Apr 24, 2019 at 08:36 AM
#863
I’m doing pretty well. Beating myself up because I bought more cigarettes today. I just can’t seem to quit. But I have to because RS hates cigarettes and cigarette smoke. I only bought them because I won’t be seeing him today. I have to get rid of them before tomorrow. I also have to quit vaping before we get our own place over the summer. It’s too expensive and I can’t be putting it on my credit card every month. I want to continue to build my credit so we can buy a house eventually. So I have to build some willpower.
I bought a chrome book because I hate my laptop but I can’t afford a new laptop. And I don’t want a new laptop anyway. Windows is ********. I’ve hated it ever since I bought the damn thing. I bought it intially when I was hypomanic and I wanted to play my game. Then I bought the game and played it a grand total of four times. So **** that. Chrome book all the way. It will allow me to get my school work done easier. I’m still depressed about my weight but I think I’m moving In the right direction. Eating much better. At least, eating less. I don’t know about better but less is a good start. The scale needs batteries so I can’t be sure I’ve lost weight but I don’t feel as bloated as last week so I should have dropped at least a couple of pounds of water weight. I go back to work in one week. I’m nervous. I hope I remember everything. I had a nightmare about work the other night. That I went back and my classroom staff completely ignored me and were incredibly rude to me. I hope that’s not the case. I hope everyone has a pleasant day. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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| Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, fern46, gina_re, Innerzone, Nammu, Scooter9, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2006
Location: Napa Valley
Posts: 2,116
18 3,379 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 11:06 AM
#864
I see my T today and like always I don't know what to discuss.
__________________ >< |
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| Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, fern46, Innerzone, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Apr 24, 2019 at 12:16 PM
#865
My dad FINALLY managed to get all the way into a psych hospital/alcohol rehab (dual diagnosis ward). He's been there since yesterday afternoon. Luckily it's one only 15 mins drive from my home and about 30 mins drive from my siblings' homes. We're visiting him there tonight. I called to talk to him about an hour ago to check that he wants visitors tonight. He does. Of course now his fickle "What a predicament! Wish I wasn't here!" kicked in. He starts ranting that he thinks he'll be in the psych hospital for the rest of his life. He probably already asked to be discharged, but of course that wouldn't happen right away. He totally changes his tune on things 180 degrees. His illness talking.
His girlfriend asked if she can visit him, but I told her in a very nice and diplomatic way to let some days pass. Somehow either my uncle caught the drift that something's up with my dad or he wondered why he wasn't home with all the cars in the driveway. He called my sister as I was finishing my call to her. I told her it would be best not to encourage my uncle to get involved. Believe me! If he showed up during visiting hours and did harm, I swear I would challenge him to a fist fight. He's an a...whole. The situation is stressful even though it's hopefully a step in the right direction for my dad. Last edited by Anonymous46341; Apr 24, 2019 at 12:48 PM.. |
| Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, fern46, gina_re, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835, wildflowerchild25
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 4,300 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 03:14 PM
#866
I just found out my brother has an aggressive form of cancer. I'm devastated. We don't know much yet other than he's in for a battle. I hate waiting to find out just how far it has spread. Hopefully it is localized and he can beat it.
I'm trying my best to be mindful of my thoughts I know my spiraling out of control would be bad right now. I've been healthy for almost 6 months and I want to continue. My brother stood by me when I was sick. Time for me to do the same for him. |
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| Anonymous41462, Anonymous46341, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Daonnachd, gina_re, Innerzone, LadyShadow, Nammu, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835, wildflowerchild25
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
14 31.3k hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 05:19 PM
#867
Sending my best wishes, fern. That is a hard situation.
__________________ *********  Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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| bizi, TheSeaCat
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fern46
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
Posts: 24,608
(SuperPoster!)
11 8,490 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 05:53 PM
#868
Time is moving at it's absolute SLOWEST right now. I guess I should be enjoying my freedom for a little while longer, but I HATE having this "up in the air" feeling. I start school in a few weeks and I really don't want to. I want to get this job I interviewed with yesterday and just be done with it. Just be done with it and get my life going. I am tired of trying and trying, I am just so, so tired.
__________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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| gina_re, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835, wildflowerchild25
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 577
8 21 hugs
given |
Apr 24, 2019 at 06:35 PM
#869
I’ve been having ridiculous brain zaps the last few days and all my pdoc says is to take Ativan. It does not help. And now today I’m all fuzzy and I keep forgetting things and I’ve been on a spending spree and I just don’t feel right at all. Not sure what’s going on.
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| BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Innerzone, Merlin, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835, wildflowerchild25
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 4,300 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 06:52 PM
#870
Quote:
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| bizi, TheSeaCat
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
(SuperPoster!)
9 95k hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:06 PM
#871
Quote:
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| bizi, TheSeaCat
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fern46
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
(SuperPoster!)
9 95k hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:16 PM
#872
I slept 13 hours last night. Woke up feeling great until the anxiety kicked in so I took a few Xanax...no more anxiety. A good, quiet day. Got Benji out of the kennel...made me so happy!
I’m reading a good book: You are a Bada$$ how to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life by Jen Sincero. It’s really resonating with me. I’m definitely looking forward to making positive changes and letting my “awesomeness” shine through. I think my Geodon is slowly stopping working. I was going to ask for Seroquel but read it can cause weight gain. Anybody had experience with that? Any other suggestions? Sending warm wishes and hugs to all.
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| Anonymous41462, bizi, Innerzone, Nammu, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,205
5 80 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:17 PM
#873
Quote:
__________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin, Vraylar My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
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| bizi, TheSeaCat
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fern46
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:27 PM
#874
It’s my Birthday. Stayed overnight at my parents but can’t eat much because of my stomach issues so no feast today. Instead I will be hanging with my parents, sister, and four nieces and nephews. It will be wonderful just having them around. I am so lucky to have my family as I know so many don’t have any or much. So today I’m going to be extra grateful for that and for my life. I’m also sneaking in a swim at the beach. This warm autumn weather is amazing but I know it will be over soon.
__________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD  "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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| Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835
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Innerzone
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 4,300 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:34 PM
#875
Happy birthday Wander!!!
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| TheSeaCat
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Wander
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
(SuperPoster!)
9 95k hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:36 PM
#876
Happy birthday Wander!!
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| TheSeaCat
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Wander
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 71,285
(SuperPoster!)
13 53.6k hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:48 PM
#877
Happy birthday!
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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| TheSeaCat
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Wander
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,469
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,545 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 07:56 PM
#878
The last week, Ive been exercising a lot more and trying to eat well. I feel GREAT! Ive been posting almost everyday on my blog- one subject about antipsychotics and side effects. My health is TERRIBLE on paper and I simply can't just wait to die from the "side effects" from these drugs. I feel like my head has cleared out- like its been rinsed out with mouthwash- aahhh! I can THINK again! My thoughts just come to me easily and don't search for words. (I used to do this as a matter of course- day in, day out.) I cannot wait for anti psychotics to kill me, living every day substandardly. My bipolar symptoms arewith me even when I take the pills regularly. Mania, hypomania, paranoia, hallucinations and delusions- had 'em all. Almost every psych med Ive been prescribed has not worked simply because the side effects are bad enough that my psych nurse practitioner couldn't NOT take me off. And those are the "loud" bad effects. The "silent" ones- like high blood pressure, fatty liver disease, excessive weight gain, pre-diabetes, etc are just as real but why are they tolerated- by my psych nurse, primary doctor and ESPECIALLY ME? Bipolar will kill me alright- but the actual treatments will be responsible, not the effects of my disease. Before I was diagnosed, life was good! I was extremely fit, physically and medically. I never had these symptoms - no side effects. In a short period, all that changed. Now I can't kill the cycle of feeling ill physically and contastantly chasing "sanity", in and out of the doctors- psych nurse because I get "too happy", and my long-time primary doctor who chases after my psych meds like crazy- including sleep apnea from the extreme weight gain (that can kill you too!)- cleaning up all the (side) effects with more tests, and lots of medications to undo what antipsychotics have turned me into.
I don't think Ive ever truely been manic- at least not in the extreme. Ive thought I'd figured out the meaning to my life, yeah, but what's the harm in that? Everybody wishes for that at some point in their lives. When I'm talkative and clever and funny and creative and quick-witted, that's ME! The me I have always been. I feel myself, free and devoid of the med rollercoaster, diagnosis codes, especially psych hospitals and my communication with my kids is exciting and yet educational- on both sides! Why should I contasntly live burdoned by the medication rollercoaster- with fear, worry, drug side effects and the incessant anxiety/fear that I will simply melt into this rotting stew that is my new bipolar life? That is no way to spend my midlife and on. This all needs to be rethought. I want my life back to age 33 when life was devoid of even KNOWING the term "bipolar", judo was my passion, where judo and sex kept the endorphines funning and my body was strong, lithe and healthy. Period. __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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| Nammu, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Unrigged64072835
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
14 31.3k hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 08:10 PM
#879
Happy Birthday, Wander!!
__________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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| TheSeaCat
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Wander
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,226
(SuperPoster!)
9 9,383 hugs
given
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Apr 24, 2019 at 08:18 PM
#880
Happy Birthday Wander! Enjoy your family and the ocean!
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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| TheSeaCat
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Wander
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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