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ROSEWATER
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Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: hONDORAS
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Trig Jun 27, 2020 at 11:56 PM
  #1
I am not really sure where I belong. Obviously, the truth is nowhere or 6 feet iunder.

Seriously, though I have some many provblems, some of course, worse than others that I have almost given up on the idea of help in my life any longer.I have been on this site off and on over a couple of years, but now due to the Covid Pandemenic and my living in a foreign country where it is hard to get any psych care,let alone for someone like me who has CPTSD, and I do mean the complex side and all it's intentant problems I am almost giving up. I am trying,, but there are time, I swear death or oblivion would be better.

About 2 months ago a good friend introduced me into a young psychllogist who wanted to try and help me. I thought ok. I'll give it a shot. Unfortunatelyone of my most serious and more complex issues is I have MPD. I know it is called Dissociative Disorder these days. Yeah, that keeps it nice, controllable sounding. it is not. It is hellish. I live in Hondoras which is a Xian country and thus it was decided I have demons in me, Ah, NO, A BIG NOOO! I May be really on another planet sometimes, but demons. NOO! I know most of my background and I don't see or hear Belzebub anywhere around

I got rid of that therapist, he was way off the mark in no uncertan terms. But with the Covid and Honodoras being a small country I cannot find any psych care here

I also have bi-polar depression, which has been one of my major issues. It is insistent and insideious. Fighting this thing is....there are no words. I just can't do it anymore.

So, I am trying not to give up but don't know where I belong here on your website, or if you even want the likes of me on your website. I know I need help. Last week my housekeeper's mother died in our house of pnemonia. Was it Covid related? I don't know. Unfortunately I have witnessed people die before but this came on the back of a Internet "friend" Steve Cash::
Possible trigger:
I am just starting to get over that.

I have plenty to do. I am a writer, but I am also a writer who is finding it increasingly hard to concentrate and spends most of the day in bed thinking up ways to die.

Is there anyone, anywhere who might be able to offer me some help? Please, I no longer know where to turn, except in one direction, and I don't want to go down that walk way yet, although sometimes it seems all that is left me. Please. THank you. Rosewater\

JUst to carry on a correspondence might help. Anything. I am desperate. Thank you.

Last edited by feralkittymom; Jul 01, 2020 at 04:10 PM.. Reason: trigger
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Default Jun 28, 2020 at 03:44 AM
  #2
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Originally Posted by ROSEWATER View Post
I am not really sure where I belong. Obviously, the truth is nowhere or 6 feet iunder.

Seriously, though I have some many provblems, some of course, worse than others that I have almost given up on the idea of help in my life any longer.I have been on this site off and on over a couple of years, but now due to the Covid Pandemenic and my living in a foreign country where it is hard to get any psych care,let alone for someone like me who has CPTSD, and I do mean the complex side and all it's intentant problems I am almost giving up. I am trying,, but there are time, I swear death or oblivion would be better.

About 2 months ago a good friend introduced me into a young psychllogist who wanted to try and help me. I thought ok. I'll give it a shot. Unfortunatelyone of my most serious and more complex issues is I have MPD. I know it is called Dissociative Disorder these days. Yeah, that keeps it nice, controllable sounding. it is not. It is hellish. I live in Hondoras which is a Xian country and thus it was decided I have demons in me, Ah, NO, A BIG NOOO! I May be really on another planet sometimes, but demons. NOO! I know most of my background and I don't see or hear Belzebub anywhere around

I got rid of that therapist, he was way off the mark in no uncertan terms. But with the Covid and Honodoras being a small country I cannot find any psych care here

I also have bi-polar depression, which has been one of my major issues. It is insistent and insideious. Fighting this thing is....there are no words. I just can't do it anymore.

So, I am trying not to give up but don't know where I belong here on your website, or if you even want the likes of me on your website. I know I need help. Last week my housekeeper's mother died in our house of pnemonia. Was it Covid related? I don't know. Unfortunately I have witnessed people die before but this came on the back of a Internet "friend" Steve Cash:: who had full blown Bipolar and shot and killed himself back in April. I am just starting to get over that.

I have plenty to do. I am a writer, but I am also a writer who is finding it increasingly hard to concentrate and spends most of the day in bed thinking up ways to die.

Is there anyone, anywhere who might be able to offer me some help? Please, I no longer know where to turn, except in one direction, and I don't want to go down that walk way yet, although sometimes it seems all that is left me. Please. THank you. Rosewater\

JUst to carry on a correspondence might help. Anything. I am desperate. Thank you.


yes, we want you here. their are sections here for bipolar, DID, and PTSD. I relate to the whole demon thing: I have had people tell me that because I have bipolar, I must be controled by satan and his " minions". very distressing.

I have had my fair share of bad therapists, too. including one who told me to do the unthinkable.

it can feel like a vicious cycle. I know. I have been through 9 therapists who have been unable to help me (though I think a lot of it is also I'm too damaged to be helped) what ever the reasons, we're all in this together

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Default Jun 28, 2020 at 06:41 AM
  #3
I agree with raging vortex. You are welcome here and there are forums for your concerns. I also suggest the depression forum.

Please know that things will get better. It sounds tough now, but we are here to support you and there's even on-line therapists here you can try. Okay?
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