Trigger warning: I don't want to do this anymore - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 03-15-2019, 09:57 AM #1
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Default Trigger warning: I don't want to do this anymore

I told my pdoc yesterday I was fine because in that second I just wanted out but right now I want help. I'm so restless from the akathisia I want to self harm again some more. I am thinking of overdosing on my meds too today, but I don't want to go to the hospital because I'll be fine in an hour or tomorrow and I don't think sitting in the emergency room hall for a few days will help. Literally 30 minutes ago I was laughing about suicide and now I can't stop crying.
What do I do? I'm planning on going to group later (not sure if that will help at all)., that's in about 4 hours. I took a Benadryl as suggested in another thread here but this feeling just won't stop.
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Old 03-15-2019, 10:26 AM #2
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Default Re: Trigger warning: I don't want to do this anymore

It sounds like you're in a really bad place. I'm very sorry you're feeling this way. Being that you've been thinking about OD'ing on your meds, it doesn't sound like you're safe, especially along with the swings you're describing. Please don't harm. I know how difficult it can be to quiet those thoughts and not act on them. And also how quickly the thoughts can turn into actions.

I'm not preaching, the things you're feeling right now are exactly the things you should discuss with your pdoc.

Do you have a therapist, friend, crisis line you could use right now? If not, I hope your group session provides some help.

Many of us have been in the same or similar place. Please stay safe.
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Old 03-15-2019, 11:16 AM #3
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Default Re: Trigger warning: I don't want to do this anymore

Hey spikes, how about giving your pdoc a call today? Does he know you were having the akathisia? Anything come up about being in a mixed state? (which it sounds like it could well be). Both those things should definitely be on his radar if they're not. Mixed by itself can be gawdawful, let alone adding in akathisia!

Please stay safe. What you're experiencing right now can make that difficult, so please be very careful about this. I'd be inclined to say yes, go to group, if for no other reason than to be near people who can either help or get you connected to help, (yes?).

Bottom line though, reach out, reach out reach out.

Edited to add... ack! Just read your other thread. How frustrating! Still, he needs to know, so a call is in order. Did you start any new meds recently? Or change doses?
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Old 03-15-2019, 11:44 AM #4
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Default Re: Trigger warning: I don't want to do this anymore

I lowered my depakote dose a month or so back, and started zyprexa, depakote, and trileptal at the beginning of January (I think). I don't trust my pdoc will do anything helpful so I'm not going to call their office.
The benadryl helped but I can feel it starting to wear off already. Arghhh. this too shall pass I guess

Edit: I talked to my mom, and she said she will either take me to group or the hospital. Which should I choose? I think the plan is to go to group and then if I still am spazzing out we'll go to the hospital

Last edited by spikes; 03-15-2019 at 01:08 PM.
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Old 03-15-2019, 02:04 PM #5
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Default Re: Trigger warning: I don't want to do this anymore

I am glad you talked to your mom. What you are describing with the laughing about sui, mood swings and feelings of extreme restlessness was my experience on an SSRI when my pdoc told me it was a mixed episode. I thought it was just akethesia, but we figured out it was mixed episode. I suppose it's possible to have both at the same time, though. I am so sorry you are experiencing this all. I think you should really consider the hospital because group while group might help it will not be able to fix akethesia and you are discussing hurting yourself. If not at least call your pdoc ASAP and get their opinion and an emergency appointment. This is not something you should ignore and expect to go away. Please stay safe and get help.
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:41 PM #6
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Default Re: Trigger warning: I don't want to do this anymore

I hate how some days I feel completely fine, and the next day is awful complete with suicidal thoughts. I talked to a doctor (not my pdoc but one that works with the group I go to) and he said it does sound like either akathesia or some form of hypomania but he doesn't really know which based on just a couple minutes.
Today is one of those really bad days where I want to hurt myself and just not exist. I want off my meds so at least I can be worse enough for long enough to go to the hospital (or die). Right now I don't think I'm bad enough for hospital.

Last edited by spikes; 03-19-2019 at 01:18 PM.
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