Feeling discouraged

I’m feeling very discouraged today. Ive been diagnosed with bipolar II and OCD, but I don’t think I’ll ever find a medicine to work for me that I can tolerate. I mentioned in another post that I am trying Depakote now since the recommendation is to treat the bipolar first before the OCD. I’ve been on antidepressants in the past, which triggered mania. My doctor wanted me to stick with it for a month as a trial, but I’m at 2 1/2 weeks and don’t think I can make it much longer. I can’t stand not feeling anything - excitement, love, etc. I have no drive whatsoever and feel distant from my family, nit to mention the depression that remains and is actually worse than when I wasn’t taking anything.

Today, I worked for about 5 hours and then binge watched Netflix shows at my desk for the remaining 3 hours because I couldn’t keep myself going. Every mood stabilizer I have tried has been this way for me. Maybe it’s because I also have OCD? Does anyone else on here have OCD along with bipolar?

My pdoc mentioned I could try antipsychotics since they are supposedly better for bipolar depression, but the one I tried - Seroquel - triggered a manic episode for me at the starting dose of only 25 mg. It’s just so frustrating. I don’t mind having mental illness and I don’t mind taking meds, but it’s so hard when I have to find a medicine to manage two illnesses, and to make matters worse, I am so sensitive to meds that it’s nearly impossible to find one since I have to start much lower than most people do. I just wonder if I should give up and try to cope with therapy alone because I don’t want to waste my life away staying on medicine trials that make me feel worse, not better. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be complaining so much. There are probably many on this forum in much worse situations than mine. I’m just feel discouraged today and needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

A little over four years ago I was feeling much the same way. I had tried all the meds, even TMS. I finally decided that I would give ECT a try. I wish I had done it sooner. The gaps in my memory are well worth the improvement in my quality of life.

I don’t have OCD but I have bipolar along with GAD and BPD. I understand that it can be so frustrating to find meds that work.

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling and I hope that you find a solution soon. Big hugs

Hi pacman I can relate although my situation is maybe milder than yours. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar after a mixed episode on Lexapro, although my therapist says she doesn't see it and I question if it is accurate. Either way I have a lot of issues with depressive episodes and cannot tolerate SSRIs, and apparently I can not tolerate Lamictal either. I am really sensitive to meds, too. My psychiatrist was surprised. I was also recently told by my psychiatrist and therapist that I seem to have OCD. I have a lot of the "pure O" type obsessions/ intrusive thoughts. I am also not sure what medication I could take, my therapist mentioned Zoloft can help OCD. but I don't want to try another SSRI after my experience, and besides lexapro actually made the intrusive thoughts worse. Anyways, right now I am just trying therapy, will maybe do some ERP, but I am not sure what to really do.

Sorry I don't have any good advice but I am sending compassion and hope you find something that works.

How are you feeling today, pacman?

The med thing can be hard, but I don't know that it's worth trying to deal with it only through therapy if BP is in the mix. (I can certainly understand that having a paradoxical reaction to seroquel doesn't help. I mean, if it were only a matter of ADs being problematic, that would be simpler.) It may be that your reaction will abate (many do) as your system adjusts. Maybe give a call to your Pdoc and see if changing the dosage of the depakote is an option. (I've not taken depakote, so can't comment specifically on it on lowering or raising being the less likely to cause the experience you are having.) I haven't read your other post you refer to, so I don't know -- Have you tried Lamictal? Just a thought if the depakote ultimately doesn't work out.

And no worries, vent as needed. That's why we're here. Don't worry about who might have it worse (and really, who is to say? Healthier not to compare.), we're all here to give and get support.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Hi, inner zone, thanks for asking . I’m feeling a little better today since I decided to go back down to the starting dose I was on rather than continuing to increase as my doctor had recommended since it was when I increased it that I started having more issues. Still feeling very sensitive about things and kind of sad in general, but at least I can get through the day now and get my work done (granted, at a slower pace). Think I will stay on this dose till my appointment and then get my doctors recommendation on what to do next.

Hi, yellow-fleurs, thanks for you message. Just feels good to know I’m not alone . If you do have bipolar, Zoloft probably isn’t right for you since it made me manic. But, it definitely helped with the OCD. Probably numbed me a bit too much because my wife says I changed a lot when I took it. By the way, my pdoc said some of the antipsychotics or a combo of an antipsychotic with a mood stabilizer can be helpful for people with OCD since they have better anti depressant qualities than do the mood stabilizers alone. That’s probabky the next path I will try if Depakote doesn’t work out. I’m also curious about Wellbutrin since it’s good for depression but isn’t Amanda crus life SSRI. Anyway, just food for thought!

I know for me Depakote didn’t help with depression. I had to switch to something else.