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Old 04-03-2019, 11:23 PM #1
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Unhappy Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

Hey all,

I was recently hospitalized for close to a year due to a crazy manic episode I experienced last year. It has cost me SO much that my heart is actually hurting. Even though I had a good day today, (saw my friend I have had for 20 years), being online again I realize now that ALL the groups that I was a part of have blocked me or abandoned me.

I guess its at times like these, (somewhat late at night), that I start feeling this way. In the past, I have enjoyed playing games with friends on Facebook or tweeting along with my Star Trek group on Twitter while we watch Star Trek shows that air on a local channel every night. I tried to just send out a tweet tonight, but I think the channel (H&I) may have blocked my tweets from their feed as well, which is SO disheartening. And again, I am going to mention all the friends I lost from Facebook which is like a dagger in my heart because these were people I knew personally from real life friendships.

I guess I want to say NO ONE really understands what it is like to have an illness in which you can LOSE EVERYTHING and then you have to rebuild. I am having such a hard time rebuilding though, I feel so alone and so lost.

I wish I had somewhere to go and hang out. I wish I had my friends. I had spent so long building those friendships over the years, and when they just left me - I can't seem to get over it.

I am going to be 39 in June and I feel like its so hard to make new friends.

I guess this is just a rant to whoever wants to listen.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:34 PM #2
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

I am sorry you lost your friends....that must be so hard to wrap your head around.
So sorry that you were hospitalized for a year, what trauma.
I am 56 and find it very hard to make friends.
One woman blocked my phone calls....
it hurts.
I have a few folks that I eat lunch with but only one friend that I can do things with mostly as couples so our husbands get along.
There is trivia on friday nights at a whole foods bar...I am not drinking right now so there is that.
I am sorry you are feeling alone. I am here listening to you.
feel free to PM if you would like to talk privately.
I hope you have better days ahead of you.
(((((HUGS)))))
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:43 PM #3
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

Quote:
Originally Posted by bizi View Post
I am sorry you lost your friends....that must be so hard to wrap your head around.
So sorry that you were hospitalized for a year, what trauma.
I am 56 and find it very hard to make friends.
One woman blocked my phone calls....
it hurts.
I have a few folks that I eat lunch with but only one friend that I can do things with mostly as couples so our husbands get along.
There is trivia on friday nights at a whole foods bar...I am not drinking right now so there is that.
I am sorry you are feeling alone. I am here listening to you.
feel free to PM if you would like to talk privately.
I hope you have better days ahead of you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
Thank you so much Bizi for your kind offer, I may take you up on that. I have to say it IS hard for me to wrap my head around - I am just healing from that year long hospitalization but to come back and have almost no one left, is so hard and it hurts so much. I think I need something like your trivia nights that you have - maybe if I get involved with some kind of local group activity, I won't feel so isolated. You are so kind, I know we both had struggled with our drinking - I still think your recovery thread is fabulous - I may have to stop by!
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Things dangerous to come to.
To see behind walls,
Draw closer,
To find each other,
And to feel.
That is the purpose of life.


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Old 04-04-2019, 12:03 AM #4
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Smile Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

I read quite a bit of your blogs, you are a great writer.
sleep well tonight. I am headed to bed.
sweet dreams.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi
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klonipin .5 mg at night
3mg of prolonged release melatonin at night
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vit d3 5,000units, calcium 300mg twice a day,
vit c 1000mg, fish oils 1000mg ,co-q10 100mg,
multi-vitamin and mineral, tarte cherry, boswallia.
12 pills at noon
11 pills at night
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Old 04-04-2019, 12:13 AM #5
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

I'm so sorry your friends abandoned you. I'm still here if you ever want to talk. Still on FB if you ever want to talk to me there too. I don't get on a whole lot but I always check my messages when I do.
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Old 04-04-2019, 12:18 AM #6
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raindropvampire View Post
I'm so sorry your friends abandoned you. I'm still here if you ever want to talk. Still on FB if you ever want to talk to me there too. I don't get on a whole lot but I always check my messages when I do.
I know, I miss hanging out with you so much!

I think I am headed to bed when your night is just starting though!

What time do you usually come on?? I mean if you can get here at around 11pm would be great - then I can at least hang out with you for two hours.
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To see the world.
Things dangerous to come to.
To see behind walls,
Draw closer,
To find each other,
And to feel.
That is the purpose of life.


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Old 04-04-2019, 12:24 AM #7
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

I can try to get here about 11. That's about the time I lock up for the night. It'll be nice catching up with you
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Old 04-04-2019, 10:42 AM #8
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

I am so sorry you lost your friends and that you were in the hospital for a year. How devastating. Please know that you are among friends here and that you are not alone. Sending hugs and supportive vibes.
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Old 04-04-2019, 06:15 PM #9
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I am so sorry you lost your friends and that you were in the hospital for a year. How devastating. Please know that you are among friends here and that you are not alone. Sending hugs and supportive vibes.
Thanks so much Jennifer! I have to say, writing about it helps, just releasing all those feelings brought me peace. I will just have to move on, and I am happy to be part of this community again, at least I won't be alone.

Thanks for the support!
__________________
To see the world.
Things dangerous to come to.
To see behind walls,
Draw closer,
To find each other,
And to feel.
That is the purpose of life.


If you need help with Confidence, Self-Esteem, or Motivation, Please Subscribe to my Website:
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Old 04-04-2019, 06:42 PM #10
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Default Re: Feeling So Alone After My Last Episode

I really get how you feel, as much as I can. After my recent episode I have felt so alone as no one I know gets what I went through. I feel so alone in my trauma. The last episode finished me even though Ive been through dozens of mixed episodes, some with psychosis. I am now in trauma therapy and its helping.

Do you have access to a therapist?
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