[LadyShadow]

Hey all,

I was recently hospitalized for close to a year due to a crazy manic episode I experienced last year. It has cost me SO much that my heart is actually hurting. Even though I had a good day today, (saw my friend I have had for 20 years), being online again I realize now that ALL the groups that I was a part of have blocked me or abandoned me.

I guess its at times like these, (somewhat late at night), that I start feeling this way. In the past, I have enjoyed playing games with friends on Facebook or tweeting along with my Star Trek group on Twitter while we watch Star Trek shows that air on a local channel every night. I tried to just send out a tweet tonight, but I think the channel (H&I) may have blocked my tweets from their feed as well, which is SO disheartening. And again, I am going to mention all the friends I lost from Facebook which is like a dagger in my heart because these were people I knew personally from real life friendships.

I guess I want to say NO ONE really understands what it is like to have an illness in which you can LOSE EVERYTHING and then you have to rebuild. I am having such a hard time rebuilding though, I feel so alone and so lost.

I wish I had somewhere to go and hang out. I wish I had my friends. I had spent so long building those friendships over the years, and when they just left me - I can't seem to get over it.

I am going to be 39 in June and I feel like its so hard to make new friends.

I guess this is just a rant to whoever wants to listen.

[bizi]

I am sorry you lost your friends....that must be so hard to wrap your head around.
So sorry that you were hospitalized for a year, what trauma.
I am 56 and find it very hard to make friends.
One woman blocked my phone calls....
it hurts.
I have a few folks that I eat lunch with but only one friend that I can do things with mostly as couples so our husbands get along.
There is trivia on friday nights at a whole foods bar...I am not drinking right now so there is that.
I am sorry you are feeling alone. I am here listening to you.
feel free to PM if you would like to talk privately.
I hope you have better days ahead of you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am sorry you lost your friends....that must be so hard to wrap your head around.
So sorry that you were hospitalized for a year, what trauma.
I am 56 and find it very hard to make friends.
One woman blocked my phone calls....
it hurts.
I have a few folks that I eat lunch with but only one friend that I can do things with mostly as couples so our husbands get along.
There is trivia on friday nights at a whole foods bar...I am not drinking right now so there is that.
I am sorry you are feeling alone. I am here listening to you.
feel free to PM if you would like to talk privately.
I hope you have better days ahead of you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thank you so much Bizi for your kind offer, I may take you up on that. I have to say it IS hard for me to wrap my head around - I am just healing from that year long hospitalization but to come back and have almost no one left, is so hard and it hurts so much. I think I need something like your trivia nights that you have - maybe if I get involved with some kind of local group activity, I won't feel so isolated. You are so kind, I know we both had struggled with our drinking - I still think your recovery thread is fabulous - I may have to stop by!

[bizi]

I read quite a bit of your blogs, you are a great writer.
sleep well tonight. I am headed to bed.
sweet dreams.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Raindropvampire]

I'm so sorry your friends abandoned you. I'm still here if you ever want to talk. Still on FB if you ever want to talk to me there too. I don't get on a whole lot but I always check my messages when I do.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

I'm so sorry your friends abandoned you. I'm still here if you ever want to talk. Still on FB if you ever want to talk to me there too. I don't get on a whole lot but I always check my messages when I do.

I know, I miss hanging out with you so much!

I think I am headed to bed when your night is just starting though!

What time do you usually come on?? I mean if you can get here at around 11pm would be great - then I can at least hang out with you for two hours.

[Raindropvampire]

I can try to get here about 11. That's about the time I lock up for the night. It'll be nice catching up with you

[Sunflower123]

I am so sorry you lost your friends and that you were in the hospital for a year. How devastating. Please know that you are among friends here and that you are not alone. Sending hugs and supportive vibes.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I am so sorry you lost your friends and that you were in the hospital for a year. How devastating. Please know that you are among friends here and that you are not alone. Sending hugs and supportive vibes.

Thanks so much Jennifer! I have to say, writing about it helps, just releasing all those feelings brought me peace. I will just have to move on, and I am happy to be part of this community again, at least I won't be alone.

Thanks for the support!

[Wander]

I really get how you feel, as much as I can. After my recent episode I have felt so alone as no one I know gets what I went through. I feel so alone in my trauma. The last episode finished me even though I’ve been through dozens of mixed episodes, some with psychosis. I am now in trauma therapy and it’s helping.

Do you have access to a therapist?

[LadyShadow]

That's the bad news. My therapist of 12 years got really sick and now is going to stay home in retirement. Now I have a lady I don't know and it just makes me uncomfortable.

Sigh.

But I am sorry the same thing happened to you. It sucks that no one understands what its like when you go through trauma and episodes and you are left all alone. I absolutely empathize with what you're feeling.

If it helps, writing is SO helpful.

Also, "Chasing Cars" is one of my absolute favorite songs.

[tecomsin]

I've also been incredibly isolated after traumatic psychotic episodes, especially the last one, so I know where you are coming from.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I've also been incredibly isolated after traumatic psychotic episodes, especially the last one, so I know where you are coming from.

I am so sorry to hear that. But you know what? We have this place so at least we don't feel so alone anymore. Hugs my friend!

[bizi]

dear lady,
Do you ever go to the chat rooms here?
always folks in there in the evenings.
bizi

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I am so sorry to hear that. But you know what? We have this place so at least we don't feel so alone anymore. Hugs my friend!

Thanks LadyShadow. I have also started going to a support group meeting that I found in my town. The one I go to is called Emotions Anonymous but there are also other types of peer support meetings which are free to go to. You might also find a group therapy session to be helpful.

I am happy to be your friend.

tecomsin

[bizi]

Just wanted to give you a hug
(((((HUG)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Hello Sweetie!

I am so very sorry you are feeling hurt and lonely.
I go through this, too, even in my own home... and in a crowd in my home, too.

It often feels like there is so much distance between myself and others; it's very painful at times.

I have always felt "close" to you, ever since reading your first post, years ago now. I miss you when you are away. If only we could all find friends IRL so accepting and appreciative of one another!

I have been struggling and not so able to be here often. I will be back though!

I am thrilled you are home again!

Much Love to You!

[Leia78]

I have missed you! I wondered where you had gone. I'm so glad you're back. You've always been so helpful and encouraging to me. I hope I can do the same for you!

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hello Sweetie!

I am so very sorry you are feeling hurt and lonely
I go through this, too, even in my own home... and in a crowd in my home, too.

It often feels like there is so much distance between myself and others; it's very painful at times.

I have always felt "close" to you, ever since reading your first post, years ago now. I miss you when you are away. If only we could all find friends IRL so accepting and appreciative of one another!

I have been struggling and not so able to be here often. I will be back though!

I am thrilled you are home again!

Much Love to You!

Hey Honey!!!

Aw, aren't you the sweetest! I have always felt close to you too even when you take breaks and are away. I am so honored that you thought of me when I was gone, you are such an amazing person that has always been so supportive to me.

I dearly hope you get better soon, and get through whatever you are going through. Take all the time you need in finding peace, remember taking care of yourself takes top priority, so be gentle and kind with yourself during this time.

I have much love in my heart for you, especially because of how you have always been there for me even after all these years. You are truly special and I think you are such an amazing friend. If you lived closer, we would be spending so much time together doing things, hanging out, and just being awesome! I am at a time in my life where I am desperate for more real life friends too, but you never know right? Maybe one day we really will meet!

Anyway, all my love my friend, please take good care of yourself.

Originally Posted by Leia78

I have missed you! I wondered where you had gone. I'm so glad you're back. You've always been so helpful and encouraging to me. I hope I can do the same for you!

Hey Leia!

Yes, I was hospitalized for almost a whole year and it was just awful. I have been enjoying my time back here. Also, I checked out your signature and I wanted to ask, what's the name of your blog again?? I know I follow you, but I want to know which one is yours cause I want to read some of it.

Gonna post on your "Sharing Blogs" post to ask there too.

So good seeing you!

[sophiebunny]

I understand what you are going through. I was hospitalized for a year for psychotic mania and psychotic PTSD. I was released to a partial hospital program where I languished for an additional 5 years. I lost everything while I was inpatient. I lost my child, my career, my friends, my self-respect, and my freedom. The most helpful part of my reentry into freedom was a reentry case manger. She retaught me everything about living as an independent person. No task was too ordinary, laundry, bills, driving, it was all covered. The hardest part of a year of inpatient is that while I was stuck in time and psychosis, the lives of people I once had friendships with moved on. I strongly urge you to get some reentry support. I don't know where you live or what services are available to you, but talk to your psychiatrist. MDs are the gate keepers to intense resources. You don't have to do this alone. There are ways to rekindle old relationships and form new ones. It just takes skills. Skills we lost being institutionalized for so long.