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Old 04-13-2019, 03:29 PM #1
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So I'm depressed.... I'm fooling everyone as I'm chirpy. I have to as, as soon as people know they want you to talk and I dont know why I'm depressed.

Symptoms are the basics tbh no sense of worth, no sense of purpose, thinking of death, hurting myself, can't be bothered cleaning my flat which is tiny, can't be bothered bathing, eating junk food, staring into space, lying on sofa, crying, talking to myself more, no energy, no motivation, no oomph. The list goes on.

My Dad doesn't understand depression he thinks I should just get on with it. I wish I could but as soon as I shut the front door I'm a recluse.

I haven't seen my friends in months, no one visits me at home. I hate people invading my safe place which is my flat.

Any tips or wise words for me I want to let people in I just hate letting people down
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Old 04-13-2019, 03:36 PM #2
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Im sorry youre depresssed, I am too

I suck at letting people into my cave too
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Old 04-13-2019, 04:50 PM #3
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No wise words to offer, but I think you are brave for reaching out. I hope things get better soon. Hugs
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Old 04-13-2019, 05:50 PM #4
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((((((( Miss Laura ))))))))

Im not wise at all. But thank you for reaching out here. Ive been skipping basic necessary tasks and not doing ok at all. I hope tomorrow is better for both of us.
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Old 04-13-2019, 10:57 PM #5
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Depression is insidious. It sneaks in and slowly takes over our lives. This is not your fault. I totally understand the inability to do those things when depressed. Is there anything at all that brings you even a tiny amount of joy? When I am depressed I sometimes drag myself to the beach. I rarely make it but when I do I experience a tiny, tiny amount of hope within the emptiness. We are here for you. Hang in there. Depressions do pass. If the people around you truely care about you they won't care about the state you are in and will instead accept you and not judge. Is there any particular person you trust to not judge you? If so, start with that person first. Maybe go out for a coffee near your flat if you can't have her/him over. Take care.
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Old 04-14-2019, 06:12 AM #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander View Post
Depression is insidious. It sneaks in and slowly takes over our lives. This is not your fault. I totally understand the inability to do those things when depressed. Is there anything at all that brings you even a tiny amount of joy? When I am depressed I sometimes drag myself to the beach. I rarely make it but when I do I experience a tiny, tiny amount of hope within the emptiness. We are here for you. Hang in there. Depressions do pass. If the people around you truely care about you they won't care about the state you are in and will instead accept you and not judge. Is there any particular person you trust to not judge you? If so, start with that person first. Maybe go out for a coffee near your flat if you can't have her/him over. Take care.
Thanks Wander, I feel like I'm stuck in the vicious circle of not being good enough. Nothing brings me even the slightest glimmer of happiness. I feel like such a failure. I have failed myself, my family and everyone who has supported me. My Dad just doesn't get it. He hasn't took into consideration in November 2017 my Mum suffered a sever stroke and nearly died. I was "sane" all through that going to the hospital every day and staying with my Dad to keep him company since he had broken his wrist and couldn't do anything. No-one asks how I am I just get on with it.

But I feel I can't let people in as I'm a disappointment to them. I cant even look after my tiny wee flat without messing that up. I can talk to my Sister but again I hate disappointing her.
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Old 04-14-2019, 02:50 PM #7
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Do you have any upbeat, high-energy music you could listen to in order to give yourself a bit of a break? That's what I do. Being as you're in Scotland, check out Wolfstone, Paul Mounsey, Shooglenifty, Albannach, and Rock, Salt & Nails. When I'm listening to any of them I always end up moving with the music. (I wouldn't exactly call it dancing.) These are all modern folk with powerful rythmn sections, often pipes and whistles, and somtimes Gaelic lyrics.
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:01 PM #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daonnachd View Post
Do you have any upbeat, high-energy music you could listen to in order to give yourself a bit of a break? That's what I do. Being as you're in Scotland, check out Wolfstone, Paul Mounsey, Shooglenifty, Albannach, and Rock, Salt & Nails. When I'm listening to any of them I always end up moving with the music. (I wouldn't exactly call it dancing.) These are all modern folk with powerful rythmn sections, often pipes and whistles, and somtimes Gaelic lyrics.
I like the Red Hot Chilli Pipers and Scottish music which I've been listening too and pop music randoms from the 90's onwards. I just feel in myself pain and emptiness
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:16 PM #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura View Post
I like the Red Hot Chilli Pipers and Scottish music which I've been listening too and pop music randoms from the 90's onwards. I just feel in myself pain and emptiness
The Red Hot Chili Pipers rock. I understand the pain and emptiness. I wish there were something I could do for you. Keep posting here. We love to stay connected.
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Old 04-15-2019, 09:41 AM #10
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Saw my Psychiatrist today, he has upped the Depakote to 750mg AM and PM. I was on 500mg AM and 750mg PM. I can't take Antidepressants as they send me manic. He says all my symptoms are depression to a t. He says I can see my CPN more if needs be. I see her monthly.

He says to do bitesize in housework and in life in general.

I guess I'll see him in 6 months time again.

Oh and on my notes my diagnosis says in remission which puzzled me. But he explained it changes over time depending on where I am mood wise
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