I feel TOO good

Hi

I'm not sure where to post this and part of me is thinking this is bad and I should tell my therapist but I'm really feeling too good to care. I've been taking less and less medicine over the past month. I'm supposed to be on five meds (dx; Dep, GAD, social anxiety) but I've dropped to four and am hardly taking those. I'm not even feeling any withdrawal symptoms.

ED

I have a history of ED so part of me says I need to tell someone this but honestly I feel too good to care.

I have more energy than I typically have. I'm sleeping less. The whole world actually looks brighter to me! I want to shout from the mountains because I feel so good!

If I were to say all this to my therapist, she'd tell me to eat and take my meds. I don't really have a formal dx of bipolar. Well, my psychiatrist writes it as a Dx but my therapist who knows me better says in order to have bipolar then she'd have had to miss a whole lot over the 12 years we have been working together (and she is good at her job).

Could I have been cured overnight from a lifetime of mental disorders? I've been in weekly therapy since 1994. I started with symptoms when I was four. I've been hospitalized more times than I care to count.

Are you bipolar?

My therapist doesn't think so. I think I have been hypomanic in the past, although rarely. I'm not doing anything crazy like climbing on the roof or buying everything I see online. But I am making damn good progress on a report for school that I have been putting off forever. It seems unlikely that I am suddenly cured. But it also feels like I'm unstoppable. I feel like I have so much mental energy. It is not like when thoughts race from anxiety, because that is no fun. But I feel so clear minded. Maybe I should just enjoy the ride. Or maybe this is what normal feel like.

All warning signs. Sleep is the biggest one. For people with any mental health issue SLEEP is so important. If you have been hospitalized more time than you can count, you should start taking your meds again or ask your doctor for some sort of change that you feel comfortable with.

Be careful.

I behave differently in therapy than I do outside of therapy, so it's possible you're in the same boat as me and your therapist just isn't picking up on the behaviors.

Basically: My therapist is nice, but more of the serious type. I've tried cracking jokes with her and she laughs at them occasionally, but she'll usually just politely smile in acknowledgement or she'll keep a straight face, so I don't tell jokes anymore or try to be funny with her. I'll be in a funny mood, though, when I'm hypomanic or manic and crack lots of jokes with people--just not her. (I get irritated when people don't like my jokes because I genuinely believe I'm a rising star comedian.) I also consciously focus on sitting still when hypomanic/manic even though I can't sit still outside of therapy. It pains me to sit still and I'm going nuts, but I can barely manage it for the most part by crossing my ankles tightly and focusing REALLY hard. However, because I've suppressed that energy, I start pacing around endlessly when I get back from therapy. And at work I talk up a storm. She just never sees those symptoms. Hell, I've never even told her when I was depressed and I can hide it well.

My previous therapist, however.... He saw me manic and depressed a bunch of times. (I had bawled my eyes out in front of him a small handful of times, and a couple of times he had asked me, "Are you manic??? You said you haven't slept in 2.5 days and you seem energetic.") I was not controlled by meds whatsoever. I think if my current therapist saw me off meds (or on meds that don't control me), she'd see how bad I can get.